We’ve been enjoying a lot of time at my sister’s apartment complex pool. Hot weather in the South and bored kids equals lots of pool time but the only bad thing about that brilliant idea is all the other parents with the same brilliant idea and, let’s face it, sometimes other people’s kids can be obnoxious. (Hey, mine can be too.)
Your kid may be guilty of one or all of these 10 swimming pool party fouls:
The Obnoxious Splasher – Able to splash everyone and everything within a 20-foot radius. Reading a book on your Kindle? You might want to move your lounge chair to the other side of the pool.
The Cannon Ball Jerk – A very close relative to The Obnoxious Splasher (see above), this child does not know the meaning of entering the pool in any fashion that doesn’t involve mucho bravado and soaking everyone poolside.
The Snot Hawker – Probably one of the grossest phenomena at the pool, this kid’s sinus drainage is apparently accelerated by chlorine. They also don’t know the meaning of tissues because isn’t that what the back of your hand and water is for? See also, the pool should not be your kid’s personal giant Neti pot.
The Shrieker – This kid lets out a blood-curdling scream whenever they detect any foreign object in the pool, from A DEAD WASP! to A LEAF!
The Pee-er – You know this kid is flat out lying every half hour when their mom sweetly inquires, “Johnny, do you need to take a break and go pee?” and they shake their head adamantly. Don’t let your kid accidentally gulp any nearby pool water.
The Faux Drowner – Nothing makes you more nervous at the pool than the faux drowner. This kid yells help every 5 minutes, flails their arms, and unfortunately is building up resistance for the day when they really aren’t crying wolf. I am adamant about telling my girls to never yell help in the pool unless they are truly in danger.
The Whiner – This child will never be happy at the pool, no matter how many pool toys, snacks, or juice boxes you ply them with.
The Future Plumber – Crack alert! This kid cannot keep their swimming trunks up no matter what.
Soggy Bottom Boys (And Girls) – That cute kid who is toddling around with a not so cute fully loaded swim diaper.
The Poop-er – Hands down the worse pool offense because it has the power to shut the entire pool down. Floaties are the only thing a kid should leave bobbing in the water!
So, what are your worse public pool party fouls, from kids or adults? I’ve gotten a couple of interesting comments on the BlondeMomBlog Facebook page. And I’m not saying my girls are perfect, trust me. I still haven’t forgotten the pole dancing episode of 2011.
This post also appeared in The Tennessean.