Mommy Needs A Tutor And Tequila

Is it just me or is homework getting more and more complex?

Seriously, when you have to Google Venn Diagram for your 5-year-old’s pumpkin versus apple homework, you know you’re screwed. What happened to picture books and finger painting and show and tell?

Wait…that was preschool.


Welcome to the real world mom, I mean kids.

Both my girls have quite a bit of homework and I am usually on them like a hawk to get it completed. My 5-year-old’s homework comes home on Monday and is due on Friday. Thankfully she is the kind of kid who wants to go ahead and knock as much of it out as possible in one sitting. My 3rd grader’s homework is due daily, but the workload is not too bad.

Last week Miss A, my youngest, came home with several sheets of homework. I’ll blame pre-Halloween ADD, mine not hers, (oh LOOK a Butterfinger!) but she didn’t complete all her worksheets by Friday. I took one glance at her Venn Diagram assignment and promptly la la la’d it out of my mind. Really if I have to start researching her homework at this level then I am in BIG trouble by the time she and her sister are in middle school. I was a print journalism and sociology major in college for John Venn’s sake! I took basic math in college and skipped right past trigonometry in high school. Math is not my forte, unless it involves calculating how much I’m saving at TJ Maxx on a pair of jeans. Her teacher sent the incomplete sheet home the next day with a handwritten note that it was due as she was grading this particular assignment. She was kind enough to include her phone number and wrote me a note telling me she was available if I had any questions. I guess she had a feeling that I needed help.

Thankfully I married a computer geek and as a back up I also have mad Google skills.

Single ladies the moral of this story is when seeking out a husband, it helps to marry smart. Otherwise prepare to pursue your doctorate just so you can keep up with your 5-year-old’s assignments. We won’t even discuss the dreaded 4th grade family tree assignment I’ve heard nightmare stories about from other parents. I’ve got another year to stress out about that one with Miss C.

I guess I’ll be the mom sitting in the corner coloring, watching Sponge Bob, and sipping wine with my graham crackers after school while my husband rechecks my kids’ homework.

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  1. Kaye says:

    Don’t feel bad, I Googled Venn Diagram too. I had no clue what it was, and my daughter is a math NERD! You will learn the local Homework Hotline will be on speed dial on your iphone.

    Good luck with family tree, it actually sounds like a great project to work on with grandparents. It’s just a thought.

  2. Musings of a Housewife says:

    Hey! I actually know this one! Maybe b/c I taught 3rd grade for 2 years and Venn Diagrams were part of our curriculum.

    That said, I have already turned my 5th grader over to my husband for math help. Yes, I taught 3rd grade. But evidently that’s as far as I can go.

  3. Jamie says:

    Ya’ll are making me feel better. But Jo-Lynne this is KINDERGARTEN and they are studying Venn Diagrams. I know I know…it’s good that she’s being introduced to these concepts early. I just need to memorize the homework hotline #.

    And stock up on tequila. 😉

  4. Jennifer says:

    What the what? I’m crazy enough over Kindergarten. I know! The teacher told me yesterday by the end of the year they will be adding and subtracting and a bunch of other stuff I know we didn’t learn until after Kindergarten. For our kids to be force fed so much so early how are we still falling behind in education.

  5. Sharon says:

    I loved this post- and think it is hilarious and oh so true! Thank goodness for Google- or I wouldn’t even be surviving my children’s elementary school homework!

    But on a more serious note- we really need to get our arms around some of the issues going on in education right now- including the issue of homework. I did a series of blog posts this week on Education Reform- spotlighting the current documentaries that are out now (“Waiting for Superman” and “Race to Nowhere”) and what we can learn from them. Check it out if you can….


  6. Melanie B says:

    I’m definitely getting nervous as my daughter approaches school age. I was and still am, horrible at math! I think I’m in for a ride that’s for sure.

  7. Geoff K says:

    Ha! I know what you mean – it’s amazing the stuff that kids have to learn these days. My nephew, who just started first grade, recently told me that his class is learning Japanese – Japanese! I think it’s a great sign that the schools are challenging kids more these days, but it’s definitely a sobering experience to try (and struggle) to help them with their homework.

  8. Ann Foster says:

    I feel similarly, that we have to have a great education ourselves to help our kids.
    I watched my son teaching his daughter Maths the other day. The Maths hadn’t been taught in class, so Dad was the teacher….. a pretty cranky teacher too, I might say!!!
    As parents we have to be so up to date and knowledgeable.
    Good luck
    Ann Foster

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