Swimwear Nightmare

I’ve been looking for a new bathing suit, one that doesn’t scream momkini or cougar in training.

Not a lot of fun, really. I would honestly pay someone to bring bathing suits to me so I could try them on in the comfort of my own home and my own pleasant lighting pitch dark in the peace and quiet of my locked bathroom. I also hate trying to choose a bathing suit online because there’s the whole ordering and trying on and returning process if it doesn’t work out.

Good times with crotch sanitizer strip thingys and removable breast pads!

Any way, it’s taken me a long time to determine that I look best in a bathing suit that has a halter type top that ties behind my neck and I’ve been looking for one and I found a possible winner the other day.


Why would anyone want to stroll down the beach while buffalo roam on their boobs or anywhere on their body FOR THAT MATTER?

Or do people wear buffalo bikini tops (that cost $70 thank you very much) with weird black suspender pants out on the prairie?

I am fairly certain the Pioneer Woman sure as heck doesn’t.


  1. Mary @ The Writer's Block says:

    But, Jamie! You’d look so great in that.

    I just went swim suit shopping and broke down for a couple of “mom suits.” I have no choice. Had to have something that would cover. Coverage–my priority. And I have one of those tie-around-the-neck suits. After a few hours, it makes my neck hurt AND I feel that I can’t get it tight enough to have the support I need in front.

    Good luck. It’s no. fun.
    .-= Mary @ The Writer’s Block´s last blog ..Mommy Guilt: Always Right There for the Introvert =-.

  2. amie says:

    Wow! Now there is a fashion statement! I hesitate to think exactly what it is that is being said. Anywhoo, I am feeling your pain. Have you seen Sex in the City 2? There is a scene in Abu Dhabi where local ladies are floating on rafts in a pool more or less fully clothed from head to toe-thats the ensemble I am going for.

  3. Berkeley Plumber says:

    Wow, that is the worst swimsuit that I have ever seen! I think it’s for a promotional item or for just plain fashion walk. It’s best to wear those on a sunny trip on the zoo rather than on the beach.

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