Schnockered In Suburbia

It’s officially pool season and if you don’t have kids I suggest you run straight to your neighborhood pool with your favorite paperback, magazines, beverages, and iPod and relax and enjoy the freedom of being responsible for applying sunscreen to no one’s backside but your own. Personally I think a very effective birth control would be to force teenagers to babysit a hyped up on Kool Aid 2-year-old at the pool for the day in 90-degree heat to experience the full blown swim diaper experience in all its heat rash glory.

Once you have kids your leisurely poolside time will be usurped by the application of sunscreen (usually against a very unwilling wriggling child), fetching drinks and snacks because being near chlorinated water turns children into ravenous beasts who can down a sack of Cheetos in 5 seconds, inflating pool toys and water wings, and assisting your child to the restroom every half hour as they do the “I gotta GO POTTY” dance. It’s pretty much a win/win for your kid who has the time of their life while you turn into their personal slave for the day.

There is a turning point, however, when your child swims well independently (thank you Jesus) and no longer needs you to watch them like a hawk. And there is much rejoicing during your first family vacation where you can actually spend down time at the pool sipping an ice cold beverage while your kids play without needing you every two seconds. Some parents apparently carry this too far, however. They get totally hammered at the pool, or so I’ve heard.

This past weekend at Miss C’s end of season soccer party the kids were whooping it up in on a backyard water slide and we parents were discussing which neighborhood pools were already open. The conversation ultimately led to how some kids act like total banshees in the pool, running over toddlers and little old ladies doing laps, while their parents choose to be oblivious. One mom interjected, “Oh at our neighborhood pool it’s not the kids that cause problems, it’s the adults. Some of them get totally drunk. They put their kids in swim vests and just let them do whatever while they drink all day.”

I’m not a big proponent of helicopter parenting and I’m definitely not anti-drinking, but a swimming pool is one of those places, oh I don’t know, where if you don’t supervise your kids, you know, they could drown or hurt other kids.

So are there parents who take the whole party scene too far at your community pool? We don’t have a neighborhood pool and I’m fairly certain our neighborhood YMCA frowns upon sneaking in a kegerator.


  1. EG says:

    I grew up in Atlanta where every neighborhood has a pool. The parents weren’t generally drunk at the pool (I don’t think), but neighborhood parties were a bit of an exception. There was one in particular where they rented a daquari machine from Rio Bravo (known as Chevy’s on the west coast) and it resulted in many adults swimming in their clothes and sleeping in their front yards.
    I would guess there was a lot of beer in the coolers at our endless Monday night swim meets, too.

  2. uncommonblonde says:

    Our neighborhood pool is patronized by more old people than those of the 2 year-old variety, however, they don’t let you relax either. They want to have social hour and ask 5 million questions. You have sufficiently scared me into enjoying my last child-free days at the pool with a book though. Who cares if I’m 8 months pregnant, I feel the need to soak up the sun in peace … it might never be the same again 🙂

  3. Mary says:

    Our neighborhood pool is quite the drunk-fest on most Sunday afternoons. It’s the same group every weekend. Actually, we tend to stay away from the pool for that reason on weekends unless we go early in the morning. And you know me – I have nothing against enjoying a beer at the pool! But it gets really out of hand. Also, I have way too much to do. I wonder if those people don’t have something a tiny bit more productive they could be doing ALL DAY LONG! I mean, at least wait until late afternoon/early evening for happy hour!

  4. kel says:

    I did laugh out loud a bit at this…We don’t have a neighborhood pool so we swim at the Y where we cannot even go in a two piece without a shirt on so yeah…a keg would not fly, but if by chance it would I think I’d have issues with the ‘drunk’ parents who seem oblivious to their children. Its ok to have a drink or two but come on, just because you are around other adults does not make you any less ‘responsible’ for your children than if you were alone.

  5. Home Plans says:

    Of course, he’s a man now! Although not in front of his friends, of course. Besides, becoming a man means practicing discretion in your behavior, so the boy might not be into it anyway.

  6. Musings of a Housewife says:

    We don’t have a neighborhood pool (never even heard of such an animal – I’m so Yankeefied, it’s sad.) At any rate, that is SCARY. I wouldn’t mind enjoying a margarita or three by the pool, but I’d like to think I’d do it when my kids weren’t around.

  7. Ann says:

    Oh my goodness, when I read, “Personally I think a very effective birth control would be to force teenagers to babysit a hyped up on Kool Aid 2-year-old at the pool for the day in 90-degree heat to experience the full blown swim diaper experience in all its heat rash glory.” I had to laugh out loud! So true!!

  8. Melany says:

    A little 6 year old boy just drowned last week at a country club birthday pool party where my sister lives. When I heard about this – one of my first thoughts was that I hope the adults (and lifeguards) on duty were doing their jobs. It is SO SAD – no matter what the circumstances, but that guilt would be too much.

    I agree… pool time with young kids does not equal relaxation!

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