Toys From Hell 2008 Edition

Welcome to my 2008 Holiday Toys From Hell guide. You should sever all ties with anyone who gives your child one of these gifts. Or just give their child an equally hellacious toy.

Hell In A Helmet

Playskool’s Adventure Squad Police helmet makes me happy I have girls. Have you seen the commercial where the dad is “arrested” and put behind a baby gate? I can’t think of anything more nightmarish than to encourage a kid to chase an unwitting victim (think small dog , younger sibling, or worse, YOU) around the house. From…the microphone actually works, and will amplify your child’s voice. Children will love stopping lawbreakers in their tracks by saying things such as “Stop and put your hands up!”

Shoot me now. Please.

Skanky Puppy

My girls are completely enthralled with the Tini Puppini stuffed dogs, or as I like to call them, Puppies Need A Pimp. Seriously, if your little girl is begging for a dog that looks like a stripper and has a cute stripper name, like Toffee, this is for you!

Puppy needs a pimp!

Frightening Clown Stuck In A Muffin Dolls

I’ll give you sweeet nightmares!

Marie Osmond should really stick to singing. Someone please stop the creepy clown china doll madness. I suspect anyone buying these dolls has crocheted toilet paper covers.

Disturbing Baby Elvis Doll

Thank you very much. Not.

Marie Osmond has talent, but again, I’m not sure it’s dollmaking.

Larvae Plush

This is just so strange, but maybe your kid finds plush larvae to be extremely soothing?

Do you have any additions to my toys from hell list?


  1. Queen of the Mayhem says:

    ANY toy that makes constant noise… my son has the uncanny ability to send me to the brink of insanity with these toys… evidenced by a guitar, piano, and the unforgettable echo mike!

    Oh…and the slutty dog….WTF?!

    Queen of the Mayhems last blog post..I Wouldn’t Have Believed it…if I Hadn’t Seen It!!!!!

  2. Michelle says:

    I’ve been searching for toys that don’t make noise…that is a losing battle.

    I saw the commercials for that helmet. Hubby and I looked at each other and said “Oh hell no”. We have a habit of hiding annoying toys under the couch now that she has learned all about the on/off switch.

    Michelles last blog post..Friday Tidbits

  3. amyz5 says:

    this was hysterical. i am not gonna lie, the clown in the muffin tin gave me chest pains. i think my daughter used to have something like this that would turn inside out and could be a cupcake or a doll. oooo, bad toddler flashback for me.

    happily my kids now get itunes gift cards and concert tickets.

    oh how i hated any toy that made noise. we would ‘run out of batteries’ very soon after those were received.

  4. Melinda says:

    It’s hard to say which of those toys is most frightening.

    As a dog lover, though, I think I can safely say that I was kind of offended when I first heard about those skanky puppy toys!

    Melindas last blog post..mail, snail, and e

  5. Amy says:

    That clown is scarry. I don’t like them anyway!! That didn’t help! And that dog!!! AAACK! Who thinks those things up?

  6. Mrs. F says:

    Tini Puppinis….ah. I first heard about them from Joel McHale on E!’s The Soup. He basically said the same thing. They remind me of Bratz dolls, which, thankfully, are being pulled off the market in January. *does a happy dance*

    Let the record show that I also hate that grossly huge robotic Triceratops.

    Mrs. Fs last blog post..I Can Tell You Love Me

  7. Asianmommy says:

    Oh my–that is so funny! The clown stuck in a muffin is so ridiculous, and the larvae–yuck!

    Asianmommys last blog post..Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa

  8. Rick (The LPS Collector) says:

    That Larves is one ugly thing, I thought it was a turd at first. In defense of the ridiculous looking Police helmet, we did buy my son a Transformer voice changer helmet and he absolutely loves it!

    The swanky puppy now that is weird looking, kinda like a cross between a brats doll and a werewolf.

    Rick (The LPS Collector)s last blog post..Series 1 Post Card Collectible Pets

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