Of Beer And Monkey Bars

Dear Underage Assholes:

Look I understand underage drinking. Really I GET IT. I used to do it 20 years ago. I grew up in the boonies, 8 miles from “town,” so when I was a teenager we had field parties. You cruised McDonald’s and the main highway that snaked through town, found your friends, drove out to a dark country field, parked your trucks and cars, cranked up some Hank Jr. or Journey or Beastie Boys on the radio or from your incredible collection of cassette tapes, and you hung out. But you know what? We cleaned up after ourselves. We didn’t scatter empty beer cans and cigarette butts all over a quiet suburban neighborhood park….a park that is heavily trafficked by families with young kids who ask questions like, “Mommy were you a bad teenager?” (A question luckily I can honestly respond no, too, if you don’t count my college years.) We respected the cows’ personal space. Do you hear me? We respected COWS. That’s right. We might have been dabbling in illegal activity, but we didn’t litter. We might have peeled out on a gravel road if we saw Farmer Joe’s lights come on, but we didn’t litter.

So go play homage to Anheuser Bush in someone’s basement or sneak over to a friend’s house when their parents are out of town and scatter empty cans and cigarette butts on your own turf. Not ours.

And if I ever am out past midnight on a weekend, which I’ll admit is highly unlikely since lately I struggle to stay up past 10 o’clock, and see you all up at the park? I’m gonna open the can of mama whoop ass or at least get the hubby to scare you off. He’s got a lot of past experience with beer cans and I’m sure he can tell you where to stick them, I mean dispose of them.


An Angry Mom


  1. Sunshine says:

    I think you’re right. I did plenty of dumb and/or illegal things, but these kids are on a whole new level of dumbass. Heck, some of them have me on Facebook and you should see some of the pictures they put of themselves on there! IDIOTS!

    Sunshines last blog post..Homecoming

  2. Connie @ Young and Relentless says:

    Dang kids! I also spent some time partaking in underage drinking but we always cleaned up after ourselves. A friend and I ever walked several blocks to a park to get rid of the evidence.

    And I used to hide my beer in a snowbank outside of my Dad’s airplane hanger!

    Connie @ Young and Relentlesss last blog post..HECM ~ Join Now!

  3. Ernestine says:

    I sure never knew any of this was going on.
    I would have bet on it.
    Like you are learning more about your mom from her journal I am learning a lot about my special daughter. Smiles!!!!

  4. Melinda says:

    Kids are so disrespectful nowadays.
    I say this knowing that I am not much older than most of the “kids” I am talking about. Seriously, it is disrespectful to leave your trash laying about. It’s disrespectful to the environment, it’s disrespectful to the owners of whatever property you are littering on, and it’s disrespectful to any people who might see your crap. It’s not hard to pick up your trash and toss it in a can at a nearby gas station or a Mcdonald’s or whatever. Seriously, get with it!

    Melindas last blog post..watching House

  5. rachel says:

    Jamie, you cursed and alluded to beer and shenanigans. I love you. 🙂

    I shall give you a huge Amen to this as a fellow angry mom.

    rachels last blog post..Simple Salmon: Mouthwatering Monday

  6. Mrs. Schmitty says:

    I hear you. At the end of 4th grade the parents organized a party for the kids at the local park. I got there to set up and spent half of the morning sweeping up broken beer bottles. I was pissed! Go ahead and sneak your beer…we all did, but don’t do stuff like that!

    Mrs. Schmittys last blog post..I’ll Be The Talk Of The Town

  7. Lindsay Lebresco (Graco) says:

    Good call! Not that I drank underage, but IF I did 😉 here’s what I would have done: I would have stepped on the cans so they were really small so they could be hidden in a book bag that could be stuffed under my bed until I had a chance to go to the local recycling center on a Saturday. That way I could have been responsible, green, not punished and stay in good favor with Angry Moms (like you and me) everywhere!

    You’d think the green movement would be enough to get these kids in gear these days…

    Lindsay Lebresco (Graco)s last blog post..Wondrous Wednesday #42

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