Baby Talk

Yesterday afternoon I took Miss C to buy her pink ballet slippers at the local dance studio where she’ll be taking a six-week ballet princesses course starting tomorrow. I assumed they had the shoes in stock and then realized they had to be ordered and won’t ship until next week. So, I did what every good mother who has dropped the ball does in order to shield her child from mommy’s little screw ups. I improvised and embellished (which sounds much nicer than lying). I told Miss C that her new dance shoes would be waiting for her next week and that she would “get” to wear her favorite Hello Kitty tennis shoes to her first class tomorrow night.

But I digress.

We arrived as a class was dismissing. The studio was a blur of pink tights and leotards. The girls rushed to their proud parents outside the classroom. The tiniest little girl, her tousled brunette hair pulled up in a pony tail, emerged red-faced and bawling. Her mother headed toward her while holding the hand of a little boy I assumed was baby brother. My heart broke for the little girl. I’m not sure what happened but she was clearly having A Moment. I was relieved to see her mother did not hesitate to comfort her. That is, until she opened her mouth.

OH MY GOD. She began to console her daughter in the most annoying sing song baby talk fake mommy saccharine voices I have ever heard in my life. She was laughing and chuckling and shushing like nobody’s business. It was a state I’ve witnessed before — the sing song mommy voice zone. For a split second I thought, “Wow, I wonder what sort of happy mommy drugs she’s taking?” This was quickly followed by, “I wonder where can I get some?”

I’m all for the cooing cadence of baby talk when children are babies. I love to snuggle with the girls and drive them crazy with mama kisses, but the over the top sing song mommy voice creeps me out. I’ve heard it whem moms are in Target and their kids are beet red and wailing and the moms are pushing their red carts like zombies, sipping their Starbucks frappuccinos, and staring into space. Come to think of it, Target always puts me into a relaxed Zen like state, too. I’ve heard it at the playground when a child has a tantrum over leaving and the parent slowly heading toward their minivan, keys in hand, eyes wide. I’m never really certain whether they truly are that laid back (or they are smoking ganja in the car pool lane), or if they’re about to snap.

I can’t be too critical, though, because the creepy sing song mommy voice tried to suck me under during a particularly unpleasant morning at church with the girls recently. And at least it is more pleasant and genteel than the WalMart redneck mama holler: “You gonna git a whippin!!!!!” or “Git your ass in the cart!”

14 comments

  1. Amanda says:

    You know that V8 commercial you should have hit her up side her head.
    Oh I think I am already annoyed buy that woman. “get your ass in the cart” we have that here at our wally world!!!

    Thanks for the nice thoughts on my blog.

    Amandas last blog post..Finally There Is An Answer!!!

  2. Southern Mom says:

    Yeah, we must shop at the same wal-mart.

    And? You just totally described me at target last night…2 not-so-happy babies, frappuccino in hand, pushing my red cart through mecca. No sing-songy voice, and no “whoopins” – just ignorant bliss.

    Southern Moms last blog post..Exhausted

  3. krissy says:

    Baby talking to your children is like nails on a chalkboard for me. I cannot handle it.

    And especially when a 5th grader speaks baby talk still to his mother because they cannot cut the cord. I know a kid like this and he is made fun of a lot. So sad.

    And I dropped the ball on pictures for my daughter this year with her dance so don’t feel bad. It happens to the best of moms.

    krissys last blog post..The FireFighter.

  4. Jackie says:

    I actually knew a girl who used to call her daughter “Little Miss Muffin”…
    She moved away…mercifully…
    I couldn’t have stood it much longer…
    The last time we got together, in the course of one hour or so, she must have said it at least 35 times!!!

    😉
    Jackie

    Jackies last blog post..The ‘Other’ F Word…

  5. Jennilu says:

    I have never been a big one for the “baby talk”; therefore, Kaylea never really did the baby talk thing either. People were always so amazed at how advanced her vocabulary was. They would ask me how this happened. I always replied, “We just talk TO her NOT just talk AROUND her. Oh and my fav at the ole Wally is the redneck that hollers, “G**D***** don’t think I won’t whoop yer ass right here in this store!”

    Jennilus last blog post..Tales From The Dressing Room

  6. Kelly says:

    Once at a birthday party my daughter was smacked in the face by another little girl. the little girl’s mom walked up to her and in the sweetest voice said, “Now honey we know we don’t hit.” The little girl then smacked mom across the face. Mom took her child into the house where I am sure the words woopin and ass came into play.

    Kellys last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

  7. Elizabeth says:

    I wish there was ballet princesses dance class around here somewhere! Kaitlyn is constantly twirling around saying “I a Pwincess, Mommy!” And we also don’t talk baby talk to our kids, really not even when they are babies. Which is probably why they all just talk and talk and TALK so much 🙂

  8. slackermommy says:

    I’d rather listen to the redneck than baby talk. It makes me CRAZY! At least the redneck talk gives me something to laugh at.

    slackermommys last blog post..How not to discipline if you have an impulsive child

  9. Lisa says:

    That mom with the frozen frappachino at Target is trying to calm her inner Walmart Mom from coming out & whooping some screaming kid ass. I wouldn’t know…I’ve never been there….

    Seriously, the sing songy crap drives me nutso too!

    Lisas last blog post..Summer Fun!

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