Trampy, Toothless Tots R Us

Have you read any of the uproar surrounding Heelarious, a new product touted as baby’s first heels?

Well, personally I am sickened by a practice that has been going on for years before tiny zebra-print infant stilettos hit the market.

I am outraged at the Hillbillyfication of babies!

Those disgusting hilarious pacifiers that make your kids look like bucktoothed Bubba inbreds are atrocious and should be outlawed.

This completely sarcastic tirade brought to you by a woman who dressed both her girls like ladybugs for their first Halloween, propped them up, took countless photos and then e-mailed them to friends and family all over the country.

So what do you think about Heelarious baby pumps? Are they hilarious? Are they appalling? Do they sexualize baby girls? Or, are they just plain silly?

I personally would never spend nearly $40 on a novelty item like faux baby heels, but then I’m also not outraged by them. I am assuming that if anyone buys this product for their baby girl that they are surely buying them in jest, and not planning to turn out a little baby Heidi Fleiss on the playground. Two moms came up with the idea behind Heelarious and the website clearly promotes the fact that they are intended as a joke. They come in a cute purse-shaped bag, complete with a little baby bling rhinestone closure. I actually think that’s pretty darn clever.

In the mean time I’m just waiting for Flava Flav to release a line of pimp hats for baby boys or maybe a milk bong or pacifier roach clip. Baby temporary tattoos or a new line of thong Pull Ups could be next.


  1. Lisa says:

    Not really something I’d buy my baby girl. And the paci is just ugly.
    I’ve actually seen people describe their babies as ‘sexy’ so I think there are some who’d buy the shoes because they think they’re sexy. Which is just creepy.

    Lisas last blog post..It has begun.

  2. Jennifer says:

    I wouldn’t buy them, simply because I wrote a paper in university talking about the evolution of womens footwear. The high heel itself highlights aspects of female sexuality (tightening the bum, thrusting out the breasts) not to mention the fact that it has been argued that high heels are a gentler, kinder form of foot binding. Foot binding makes women helpless and dependent on men.

    So, in short, no way in hell would I perpetuate a stereotype like that. And it sexualizes babies/children. Our kids grow up fast enough.

    Oh, and for a laugh, google pony boots.

    Jennifers last blog post..Don

  3. rachel says:

    honestly, they made me laugh with a bit of disgust the first time I saw them. I can see why some would buy them and ‘trick’ their child out for fun for a party or something… all in the name of consumerism and silliness, but I can also see how someone would go about this all wrong and it would no longer be funny, just sad.
    Thong pampers… EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. just the ramifications of that would be… poopification? ugh

    rachels last blog post..A Strawberry ‘Ku

  4. DawnK says:

    If I didn’t have a house full of boys I am sure I would be one of those “wrong” mommies and buy a set for my up and coming diva shoe freak. Come to think of it, my 2 year old would probably like them because he is currently FACINATED by anything you put on your feet, most especially Mommy’s high heels. Billy says its because they are interesting and make noise, I hope he’s right.

    One thing for certain, the apple didn’t fall far from the shoe tree.

    DawnKs last blog post..The Newest Boy in the House

  5. Lisa says:

    I surely wouldn’t spend $40 on them, but I’m not offended by them either. What I am offended by are the clothes they try to sell little girls that look like something a street walker would wear. Or a Bratz doll. Just let them be little girls for a while!!!

  6. Leeanthro says:

    I think the only baby who should wear these is the offspring of Carrie Bradshaw. And I don’t mean Sarah Jessica Parker, I mean the fictional character!

    And those pacifiers creep me out!


    Leeanthros last blog post..Just a Friday

  7. Amy says:

    I think too many people get bothered by silly things and don’t have a good enough sense of humor! But I would pass on heels for my baby cause I don’t even do them for me.

  8. Jackie says:

    They are a riot! I wouldn’t spent 40.00 on them but if I found them on sale….
    Maybe….. 😉

    Do I think that buying your baby these will destine her for a life of wild living and crazy partner-swapping all nighters…

    Ahhhhhh…. NO…. Not really…
    That’s silly!
    If your little boy wears a safari style sunhat to the beach, is he destined to have lifelong urges to hunt elephants or join the foreign legion?



    Jackies last blog post..4 Hour (not so) Funny Bone…

  9. Jennilu says:

    Hey, maybe we can make clip on belly button rings. One of those, a temporary tattoo for the backside (ie – tramp stamp) and the thong Pull-Up and our little girls will fit in perfectly on the beach. 😉 Just kidding – gals. No hate mail please.

    Jennilus last blog post..Prayers, Blessings and Gratefulness

  10. Michelle says:

    I think they are stupid – mostly because I can’t imagine paying $40 for such silly crib shoes. But am I offended by them? No. I did a little rant on them and a couple of other stupid baby products on my blog last week – more from a I-can’t-believe-people-buy-this-crap stand point than from an issue of them being offensive. The pacifiers just kind of ick me out.

    Michelles last blog post..Let the neuroses begin

  11. heather says:

    I think just plain silly. I wouldn’t buy them, and I’d ask for a gift receipt if they came as a gift. Our babies are not our pets to dress up and laugh at. They are not toys.

    Dressing kids up for halloween is different. It’s a holiday that is to be celebrated. so I guess if the shoes were part of a costume. But the price is still silly.

    heathers last blog post..Observation

  12. Blonde Mom says:

    Halloween would be cute. But I buy my girls shoes at Tarjay, so I’m with ya’ll. Nearly $40 for novelty crib shoes is nuts! But I bet they do well and I always admire mompreneurs (she said, thinking all the while, “Damn, why didn’t I think of that!)

  13. Laura says:

    They look so funny, but I would never dream of spending $40 on one of those. I think that retailers and designers are getting carried away with clothes and items for kids – I mean baby shoes with heels, that is just a step too far.

  14. Lisa with 6 daughters says:

    I’d totally put them on m baby, she’d look like Miss Piggy. How the hell can a baby be sexy? As long as they’re soft and not going to interfere with her foot development, they’re like fancy socks. I think they’re as funny as hell and babies deserve to have people smiling and laughing whenever they talk to them as long as they’re not using that voice. I must admit when I use that voice in public it means “I’m about to snap, listen to me now or I will explode the minute we get into the car.

    Lisa with 6 daughterss last blog post..Is it an eating disorder?

  15. simone says:

    omg…this babies are so cute…it remindes me of those babies on the show Baby Borrowers…from nbc…keep em coming…

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