Sympathy for the Devil Child’s Mama

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Don’t let the sweet smocking fool you!

Potty training by 3 was apparently divine intervention–God’s way of preventing me from going ballistic when Miss A started demonstrating behavior of a most sassy like nature. We seemed to bypass the Terrible Twos with Miss A, but she’s now making up for that. While I fully encourage to be an overachiever, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.

For some insane reason, I thought it would be fun to have a girls’ morning at church Sunday and sit together, rather than send them to the kids’ program far, far away in another section of the church while I listened intently to the sermon zoned out and rested my weary brain under the guise of church. The hubby stayed home sick with a bad sinus infection was smart enough to stay home with the dogs.

I knew it was probably not ideal to let Miss C talk me into sitting on the 8th row at church, even though we sat at the end of the row. Oh foolish mommy! Our church is a fairly large rock star Jesus type assembly, so I was wishfully thinking that the girls would sing and clap and then sit peacefully through the sermon as I’d packed enough distractions for an entire bus load of children. Besides, I had secured the most awesome of bribes–girly booty of magnaminous proportions–Barbie fruit snacks (before the Botox edition.)

Unfortunately about 40 minutes into the service Miss C snatched Miss A’s pastel green sunglasses from the goody bag I’d packed and put them on, while Miss A declared “Those are MINE! Take them off!” and proceeded to play tug of war with the glasses while they were still on Miss C’s head. I threatened Miss A in my loudest screaming “you are so going to get it” mommy whisper. We had made it this far without incident, but I was starting to sweat bullets freak the hell out as the preacher closed the sermon. Could we make it? The proverbial last straw was when Miss A laid down in her seat backwards and stuck her feet up in the air. Suddenly I morphed into that token mother. The one practically dragging her child kicking through church and to the parking lot and threatening to spank her while people either smiled in empathy or looked on like I was the worse mother on the planet and they were about to speed dial Super Nanny. The real clincher was the fact that the pastor’s message was on the treasures of parenting. No, I am not kidding.

And on the 8th day? God created children’s church, and it was good and all the frazzled parents shouted “Amen!” and didn’t long for a drink at high noon on Sunday in a county that doesn’t even sell beer until that time.

27 comments

  1. Jennilu says:

    Yes in deedy, I’ll raise up a hallelujah for chiren’s church. Unfortunately, our church has recently put an age limit of 2nd grade on chiren’s church, so now Kaylea has to go to the sanctuary with us. She has been whining and complaining about it and declares she hates that boring stuff. Somehow I think she is missing the message. How ’bout you?

    Jennilu’s last blog post..Can You Say, Stir Crazy?

  2. Blonde Mom says:

    I should stress that it is my goal for us to go regularly. As in maybe every three weeks.

    So there you have it. 😉

  3. Kristin says:

    Oh..that post was awesome, how many of us have been there. My son melted during Easter Mass and tried to crawl into the baptismal fountain, it is as big as a hot tub, not sure why.

    Love the idea of Children’s Church….

    Kristin’s last blog post..Pregnancy..what the heck????

  4. Amy says:

    This sounds so silly, but church is like a “date” for my husband & I because we can drop the kids off. At first I felt guilty, but now I feel just fine with it all. After your story, I am even more fine 🙂

  5. Lindaloohoo says:

    hahahah!
    my three year old monkey, er, son, was playing happily with me in last weeks greek church playroom/broom closet, when my mother in law threw open the door and demanded, in front of all the other wide eyed parents in there, that i hand him over so she could take him up for communion.
    so, yeah, that went well. amazing acoustics in that cavernous, packed place of worship. i could hear him screaming from the front doors where i retreated to hide behind a saint. not sure which saint he was, but i’m guessing he was the saint of please don’t let me take the old woman down in front of witnesses.
    love your site, i’ll be back 🙂

  6. HRH says:

    This was very true and very funny. Would it be wrong to admit that we worship at home most weekends for this very reason. Church with three small boys seems much more like a warm place in the afterlife…

    HRH’s last blog post..A few steps behind…

  7. Giulia says:

    Well we always start ten miuetns late. Then we worship and that then always leads to speaking in tongues/personal worship and then communion, though some mornings it goes into the sermon.If we have communion first then that leads to more worship and then the Pastor comes. If communion isnt first then theres the sermon and then communion followed by the benediction.After this then we worship some more and then theres prayer requests.It normally last about an hour and a half, but sometimes it can come close to two hours.Since the arrival of our new Pastor on friday, yesterday we seen a few changes, but you have to be looking for them to notice. I think our services now are going to be changed Canadian style, since he’s Canadian communion sermon worship healings.I dont think I would change anything, but we’ll see when he settles in and what way he wants to works things I think there may be big changes on the horizon that arent needed but if Gods in it then we have to let it be!

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