Basket Case

Easter Bunny, originally uploaded by blondemom.

The Easter Bunny is a big, fat, hairy lie.

By now I think I have the Santa Claus gig down pat, but the Easter Bunny is shrouded in a tangled sugary web of deceit that can only be clarified by biting the heads off marshmallow Peeps. (Note to self: Run down to Walgreens tonight to buy more Easter candy for the girls’ baskets since YOU ATE ALL THE JELLY BEANS.)

The Easter Bunny apparently never impressed me much as a child because the only fond memory I have of his visits is of an entirely edible hard candy striped basket I got one year. I’d probably still be breaking off pieces and munching on it at had my mother not finally disposed of it one day when I was at school.

I don’t remember how old I was when I realized that the Easter Bunny was a scam, but it’s possible that I just went along with it for a while just for the candy so I could tolerate getting dressed up for church and being forced to wear itchy tights with my shiny new black patent leather shoes. Growing up in a house where a bowl of Rice Krispies and sweet acidophilus milk was considered a treat, you’ll do anything to score some chocolate.

Here are some Easter Bunny unsolved mysteries that trouble my soul here on Easter eve:

  • Is the Easter Bunny male or female? I’ve always assumed he was male, but in this day and age perhaps that’s sexist.
  • Where does the Easter Bunny live? Miss C asked me this in all seriousness recently and I was completely dumbfounded. Does he live with Santa and Mrs. Claus at the North Pole? In Easter Land? Peeps-ville? Eggsylvania? Ponyville? The Playboy Mansion?
  • If you use the same baskets from year to year, like we do, do you leave them out? Where do you leave them? The hearth, the kitchen table, or the front doorstep?
  • How does the Easter bunny get in your house? He can’t use the chimney. That’s blasphemous against Santa!
  • What is the Easter Bunny’s mode of transportation? A carrot mobile? Does he flap his big giant bunny ears and fly?
  • Does the Easter Bunny have little bunny helpers?

I live with a very inquisitive 5 1/2 year old who has seen all the Easter displays at Target, Wal-Mart, and Publix and I have a feeling it won’t be long before she figures out this Easter Bunny thing is a big charade concocted by the candy industry.

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21 comments

  1. Loralee says:

    It’s Ralphie from “A Christmas Story”!!!!!

    SO freaking cute.

    I was never allowed to believe in the easter bunny. I feel like I missed out.

    Loralee’s last blog post..Sideblog: Because Easter Grass is the fruit of the DEVIL

  2. Ernestine says:

    Hey I do not remember the Rice Krispies and sweet
    acidophilus milk being a treat. You bring back many memories that make your mom smile.

    Happy Easter

  3. Sarah Kimmel says:

    I just have to say that I am the only person that knows where the easter bunny lives. He lives in the moon. The first time I discovered this it was near Easter time and I just figured it was going to change with the holidays… but no, he’s still up there every night when the moon is full. In the very first picture on this site http://www.tqnyc.org/NYC063368/the_moon.htm his ears are pointed down on the right and he is looking up. His body is up at the top with the fluffy tail pointed down on the left side. You can’t see it as well in this picture, but look at the moon outside and you’ll see it. 🙂 Sorry for the long post.

    Sarah Kimmel’s last blog post..My Family?s Disaster Plan

  4. Kolleen says:

    Love, love, love the pic! LOL. By the way, the Easter bunny lives on Easter Island which is located in the South Pacific (I think).

  5. mamatulip says:

    I think The Easter Bunny Myth will be the first one my kids will debunk. Which is fine. Whatever. I’d like Santa to stick around the longest, out of all of them.

    mamatulip’s last blog post..Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens?

  6. Blonde Mom says:

    Mama T:

    Me, too. It seems like once you stop believing in Santa, you’re no longer a kid. Sniff.

  7. Jennifer says:

    I haven’t been questioned on these yet and I’m sure it will be my youngest who will by next year…lol! As for the baskets, we used to put them on the dining table, but now on the floor in front of the entertainments system (located a few feet from table). I have used the same baskets every year and if my OCD won’t stop me I might swtich next year. They are cute stuffed animals type baskets so when they do egg hunts it’s harder to keep the eggs in, plus they don’t have a otn of room, plus I’m thinking they’ll want more or a “big girl” type one at least for Miss K next year. I was thinking of spray painting a basket and deocratign it with ribbon and stuff. I figure if I craft it then it’ll be as special as the ones they’ve used the past few years. Hey I’ve got OCD so I need to rationaize wiht myself…lol!

    Have fun at Walgreens. Are you kidding I can’t wait to rip open those candy bags tongiht. It’ll go something like this…one for Miss K, one for Miss A, and one for mommy, one for Miss K, one for Miss A, one for Mommy, you get the picture…lol!

    Jennifer’s last blog post..My Favorite Things

  8. Michie says:

    You could always watch, “Here Comes Peter Cottentail” – it’s a Rankin-Bass movie, like “Rudolph.” We were watching it today and it “answers” all of those questions. Plus, it’s fun. 🙂

    Michie’s last blog post..The Thursday List

  9. mayberry says:

    We had a conversation like this today too and were informed by our 5-year-old that the Bunny is actually just a regular guy, and he just wears the Bunny costume when it’s actually Easter and he’s distributing the goods. He doesn’t wear it the rest of the time because he doesn’t want anyone to recognize him when he’s at Tar-jay buying all the candy.

    mayberry’s last blog post..The first day of the week

  10. Shannanb aka Mommy Bits says:

    Lol. We battle the same questions. Additionally my son wanted to know why we had to make the eggs for the easter bunny to hide. Why doesn’t the EB bring his own eggs?

    You are right though, Easter is a much trickier holiday to explain.

    Shannanb aka Mommy Bits’s last blog post..Happy Easter!

  11. Deb - Mom of 3 Girls says:

    LOL! My MIL asked the girls yesterday how the Easter Bunny got into our house. They looked at her and said, “the door!” with a ‘duh’ expression on their faces. Thankfully they haven’t thought to question anything about the EB yet, because I have no idea what I’d answer! 🙂

    Deb – Mom of 3 Girls’s last blog post..It

  12. Holly Schwendiman says:

    Ha!! Love the thoughts on where the bunny may reside. It was the Easter Bunny discussion last year with my oldest that removed the veil of innocence on Santa and other mystical things. I just look forward to the few candies I can only get that time of year. 🙂

    Hugs,
    Holly

  13. Mrs. F says:

    Wow, I am glad I am not the only mommy with all these questions. I told my girlfriends on Sunday, whilst drinking mimosa’s, of course, that I have no idea what lies I am supposed to be telling my children.

    We leave our baskets out, I let the kids choose where, they chose the hearth. The Easter bunny comes to fill them.

    My 5 1/2 year old asked why there was Easter baskets in the store. I told him the Easter bunny is not like Santa, he does not have a workshop, he has to actually buy these things in the store.

    Lies. Its all about the lies.

    Jeez!

    Mrs. F’s last blog post..Open Letter to My BFF

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