Birth Control Via Another Long Ass Line at the Dollar Tree

To the mother of the cherubic, not yet mobile, baby boy peacefully being pushed in the green shopping cart the other night at Dollar Tree.

Yes, my 2-year-old regularly runs away from me in public places.

Yes, I normally look this stressed out.

Yes, if both my children decide to run away from me in a public place and run in opposite directions, I look doubly stressed out.

Yes, I did bribe my children to dutifully follow me to the checkout line, which always manages to go from empty to spilling over with customers with 25 items each and nothing but wrinkled dollar bills and pennies crammed in their pockets or debit cards that get rejected as soon as I so much glance that way, with the proposition of driving around to look at Christmas lights.

Yes, my oldest daughter said, “I’ll love you forever mommy if you get these” when presenting me with princess ring pops as we approached the checkout line for the third time and baby sister ran toward the household cleaners like the Tasmanian Devil.

Yes, I did reply, “I know you will love mommy forever even if I don’t buy them. We still have candy left over from Halloween! WHERE THE HECK IS SISSY? GO GET HER ARRRRRGGGHHHHHHHH!”

Yes, for a second I thought I might spontaneously combust from stress.

Yes, I did cut in front of you because by God I had to get out of that store before I had a nervous breakdown and I think you could sense that as you seemed to be afraid of me.

Yes, I saw you look at me and STEP ASIDE.

Rethinking that second child in 2008 now, aren’t you?


  1. Nancy says:

    I don’t think she was afraid of you as much as the future you represent (her future, potentially!)

    But I can completely relate to this post. Especially “Where the heck is Sissy? Go get her ARRRGGGH!” (I say that on the regular.)

    Nancy’s last blog post..Sabotage

  2. Richie Ann says:

    Yeah, I’m so there on a daily basis only I have a cherub one still and those people standing in line like to distract me from watching my toddler by touching my baby. Note to everyone, please don’t touch my baby. I have to ask though, doesn’t a threat of Santa watching help with the girls?

  3. Blonde Mom says:

    Richie Ann:

    The Santa card does help but I find I am using it at least twice daily and I don’t want to overuse it.

    This morning I actually said something insane, while the girls were bickering as we were trying to get in the car and head to school and daycare, like “Mommy hears the Santa radar! No whining!”

    So yeah I have tried the Santa threats.

  4. Amy says:

    This is why I prefer to do my shopping with only one child (my two oldest are over 10) or late at night when DH is home. Nothing is as peaceful as Wally world at 11:00 p.m. Mornings suck but it is so worth it.

  5. rachel says:

    Oh my gosh! Laughing hysterically and snorting Diet Coke, do you know how much that burns? You are going to cause me to ruin my laptop darn’it!!
    That was so funny, I have totally been there. I’m the mom that says: “Fine, stay here.. let somebody else take you home and I’ll come back here next week when they realize you aren’t nearly as cute as you look!”
    Yep, that’s me 🙂
    I love the Dollar Store. Ha Ha!!

    rachel’s last blog post..I before E, except after… L?

  6. melissa says:

    HILARIOUS!!!! i hate it, taking my kids ANYWHERE with me. between the taking off and whining…i’m ready to sell them for a dollar!

  7. Emily says:

    Holy crap! Thanks for the laugh. Luckily Jackson is pretty good about staying with me (he recently graduated from sharing-car-buggy-with-little-bro to walking-like-a-big-boy in the store), but Tucker HAS TO be in a buggy because that child has attitude and will just go where he wants to go otherwise.

    Emily’s last blog post..Feeling good about myself?

  8. Jennifer says:

    I almost thought you were talking about me with my kids. My kids do the same thing and nothing irritates me then the people who have no kids or who think their kids are perfect and can do no wrong and give you looks like your child just escaped the zoo. I am usually a nice person. Well, one day a woman at the food store pushed my last button. I had my oldest who at the time was only 3 and was running ahead of me. This lady made a “uh sound” so I said “she’s only 3” She then said “well she can run into something and hurt herself”…like I didn’t already know that, so my remark was “just shove it lady”. I still laugh about it till this day. No I shouldn’t have acted that way, but it felt damn good to dish it back out…lol! So when I can I try to shop with one vs. two just to keep the litle bit of sanity I have left:)

    Jennifer’s last blog post..Blonde Mom Blog Giveaway

  9. Blonde Mom says:

    I am honestly the queen of running errands on my lunch break but sometimes you need to make a 7 p.m. weeknight Dollar Tree run for cheapo batteries!

    I’m kind of looking forward to the day when I can use my oldest as somewhat of a babysitter. But right now they both like to scatter (especially with all the Christmas goodies they can’t resist) unless I have them chained to a shopping cart. 😉

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