Buns of Steel

I had to be downtown for a 9 a.m. doctor’s appointment last Tuesday. For some of you that might be an accomplishment of insignificant proportions, but lo, I am spoiled, and have not had to drive downtown in God-forsaken morning traffic in seven years. I should mention that the hubby also had to be downtown at 9 a.m. Would the girls arrive at school fully clothed? Would I arrive at work and realize I had on one navy and one black shoe? (Which has, unfortunately, happened.)

I knew they would take a blood sample at the appointment, and knowing that I would pass out unless I got something in my system besides coffee and a bite of toast, I cruised through good ole McDonalds. I got turned around on the way to the hospital parking garage, because sometimes my rural upbringing rears its ugly head and I get confused if I have to maneuver through one-way streets. I finally made it to the appointment and an hour and a half later was on the way to work.

I finished up at my office pretty quickly and when I went out to my car I could not open the driver’s side door. I unlocked it and locked it several times to no avail. I had to walk around to the passenger’s side, unlock that door, and crawl over to the driver’s seat. I then realized why my driver’s side door was not opening. I had somehow freakishly jammed my seatbelt in my driver’s side door. I buzzed the hubby, told him what was going on with my jammed car door and said, I quote, “only me!”

I drove home illegally, without wearing a seatbelt, because it was jammed in the door, and with my interior light flashing on and off because the blankity blank frikkity freakin’ frakkin’ door was jammed. I got home, and worried that my car battery would die until the hubby could get the door unjammed, I did what any able bodied woman would do to shut the door tight. I turned around and butted it as hard as I could with my rear end.

10 comments

  1. Richie Ann says:

    I’m getting to be a pro at carrying two boys, groceries, my purse, and giving the car door the old rear end. Must be why God gave women such lovely backsides.

  2. Your best friend says:

    Me, I would have kicked the you know what out of it!! I have had that happen before. GRRRR…..

  3. The PArk Wife says:

    I tell my husband all the time my hips are the way they are for more reasons than breeding! That is how I always close the car door, who (that has kids) does not have thrie hands full of juice cups and everything else when they get out of the car.

  4. Jen M says:

    I’m just impressed you can navigate the big city in a car. Seriously. I did it in my friend’s car a few weeks ago (just driving in and parking – took other forms of transportation during the actual visit) and I am STILL BRAGGING about it.

  5. Bluegrass Mama says:

    To me, doctors are like real estate. Location, location, location! But I may have to start going to your doctor, even if s/he is three hours away and downtown. They let you eat before drawing blood! Mine always insists on fasting before bloodwork.

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