25 Skills Every Toddler Should Know

Since we are smack dab in the middle of the Terrible Twos, I thought I’d share 25 Skills Every Toddler Should Know (But Their Parents Wish They Didn’t:)

1. Run away from their parents in public. (Bonus points if in a busy parking lot.)

3. Squirm their way out of a buckled car seat or stroller.

4. Do the car seat arch the back maneuver.

5. Break into “child-proofed” cabinets.

6. Color on floors, walls, and older siblings’ Barbies.

7. Scream like a banshee. (Bonus points if in public!)

8. Loudly announce “I go pee pee” or “I go poo poo” in church.

9. Locate the nearest pile of dog poo. (Bonus points if fresh!)

10. Locate the buried tampon in mommy’s purse.

11. Request to go potty at the grocery store when at the furthest point from the restroom.

12. Tear all the flaps out of lift-the-flap books.

13. Loudly proclaim “I DO IT!”

14. Become well versed in “NO.”

15. Carry on imaginary phone conversations with the zeal of a televangelist.

16. Turn an ordinary couch into a trampoline.

17. Poop five seconds before heading out the door.

18. Become sick when their parents plan a date night.

19. Use all the toilet paper in one sitting.

20. Find the remote.

21. Lose the remote.

22. Put the fear of God into the family pets.

23. Wash a doll’s hair in the toilet.

24. Blow kisses with wild abandon.

25. Look adorable at just the right moment.

26. Destroy your brain cells, causing you to skip over items in lists.

So what are some of your “twoisms?”

 

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33 comments

  1. mayberry says:

    Around here it is “kick big sister in the head while she is innocently watching TV” and “reply RIGH’ NOW! each time you are refused something.”

  2. Jennifer says:

    What is it with the 2nd born? The Evil one has started many of those, and she’s only 14 months. We’re fucked. She knows it.

  3. Mitch McDad says:

    #18 is dead on. It’s the universal law of parenting.

    My little ones have a terrific knack of kicking/kneeing my in the crotch. It’s like a contest to see who can do it the most.

  4. Amy says:

    Kick into gear when the phone rings and just know it is somoenoe from the office! This carries over into the 3rd year and they get better at it!

  5. Amy says:

    You covered the best ones! Too funny! Let’s see there is also: Comment loudly in public about strangers clothing, hair, behavior. Throw self on floor kicking and screaming (bonus points if in public). Cuss in public (“I can’t imagine where she ever heard that!”). Share personal things with strangers. My daughter once (age 4) told a man I was taking a class with and knew only casually that “Mommy is wearing her pretty pink underwear today.” There’s just no way out when that happens.

  6. Kris says:

    able to pulverize mom’s pressed powder (or blush or eyeshadow) with her fingernail in 3.2 seconds.

  7. Mof2 says:

    Pumpkin is all of those twoisms…She is a stinker and her newest one is…Refuse to sit in a shopping cart and scream to the top of her lungs if placed in one!!

  8. Pat Jenkins says:

    I work from home. Just started. Bored, bored, bored. Started this blog. Kind of relates to my new job. Have to decide if it will or won’t. Why did I quit my nice office job.

    Enough rant,best ever two ism: Miss K running pell mell down the church aisle on Christmas Eve in her beatiful green velvet dress screaming “I have to go pee pee now.” Right past the minister’s wife, who luckily smiled. Thank God. I have sworn my allegiance to that church for life.

  9. Jessica says:

    when my 2 year old gets in trouble i do the counting thing so he will stop i say “1…2” then i get this cute little “O-K”then he comes to me with his puppy eyes 🙂

  10. Eric says:

    – Detect an audience for bad behavior at a thousand yards

    – Tear anything made of paper into a thousand pieces and distribute them evenly over the floor of the entire house

    – Get a cup of juice splattered over the entire kitchen, but still be thirsty

    – Systematically destroy the contents of a house according to their fair market value. In the time it takes to take a shower.

    – Prove that refrigerator shelves are not, as they claim, “spill-proof”

    – Escape from a locked house in the time it takes mom to go potty

    – Go from being dead asleep to a fight to the death in the time it takes dad to go potty

    – Accurately alculate and execute a scream for maximum acoustical reverberation, effective distance, amplitude, intensity, duration, and direction of travel for optimal embarrassment of parents

    – Forego sleep for up to 28 hours, or until parents concede to methods outlawed by the Geneva Convention

    – Ability to withstand enough punishment to test any absolute edict at least twice

  11. jenn says:

    definately the phone-dar as soon as it rings the 100 questions that come from nowhere need to be asked, but my favorite when i left my three yearold in the lineup at the grocery store in the cart while i ran back to i swear the closest isle upon returning the check out girl and the people before me were laughing, so i asked what was up, the check out girl told me that amelia told them that the tampons i was buying were the things that mommy puts in her bum when her tummy was upset…..needless to say there are now closed door events in the potty room.

  12. Judy says:

    Oh the memories… and the best revenge is grandchildren.
    My son, (who sent me to this website) who I thought if I only got him to age 18 without any major scarring or severed limbs, I would be really accomplishing something with my life, now has 2 boys… ages 3, 20 months and another one on the way!!! When they call and say that the boys just put all the Rice Krispies that the pregnant mom has been craving in the bathtub I have just got to say YES!!! When you hear in the background over the phone that glorious temper filled “NO” from the 20 month old, ya just gotta snicker. And when they look at you with that sweet little face right before breakfast and say… “Granny, me hungry, me need Canny!!” I grab their hands and lead them to the candy or cookie jar.
    Revenge is sweet! And my parents taught me well how to spoil grandbabies!

    Good luck to you all… the grand babies really make the terrible 2’s and the teenage years worth it!

  13. Jeff@My Super-Charged Life says:

    I am laughing out loud because these are all so true! Living with a toddler is definitely an experience everyone should enjoy. Great list! Thanks for the laugh!

  14. Brooke says:

    My two favorites are, crawling up my leg screaming “mommy, mommy, mommy” all the way when I have an important phone call. (never when it is one of my friends who just want to chat.) And the ever famous, out in public, point and laugh or “I don’t like her hair/dress/etc. it’s ugly.” My daughter is three, rounding on four and we are still battling the terrible twos! LOL

  15. maternity top says:

    My friend’s twin girls do all of those on the list and then times two. They are so cute, but painfully enjoying their terrible twos, as they are three. I hope they will be ready for my wedding as flower girls

  16. sue dillicar says:

    It’s been several years since I had a terrible two but a heck of a lot on that list looked familiar! LOL. However, you missed one.

    26) Having a tantrum in the middle of the shops and then when Daddy picks you up under the arm, start screaming ‘You’re not my daddy! You’re not my daddy!’ Poor daddy had a lot of explaining to do to a lot of hostile shoppers.

  17. Renee says:

    We are two weeks ago from his 2 year birthday but the terrible twos began about a month ago now when he realized that “no” meant something. Some of his twoisms are
    – climbing, anything and everything that he is not to and then refusing to climb on the playground equipment
    – discovering that he can throw food, up…to the ceiling (I am only 5ft tall, so even with a chair I have difficulty reaching to clean it up)
    – to scream for the other parent when being disciplined by the other one
    – to scream like he has been beaten with a chain and a two by four when all we’ve done is told him to get out of the bathroom
    – the ability to slip one shoe off in the middle of large grocery stores/department stores and keep that foot hidden until we are ready to leave
    -to remove his diaper at will and if outside, not to pee at all but if indoors to stand in the middle of the bed (preferably our bed) and let it go
    -in the middle of a full fledged temper tantrum to stop crying/screaming/kicking at the mention of Blue’s Clues.
    -to give spontaneous hugs and kisses which make up for it all

    Please pray for me, we are in the beginning stages and have hit 21 of your list and more on his own. Now I understand why my parents always wanted me to have kids of my own!

  18. Candice says:

    Adorable and exhausting. My 7 month old has achieved numbers 4, 7, 17, 22, 25, 26, and has almost achieved number 14 (she says “Uh-uh!” very well). I’m sure she will learn all of these by year 2.

  19. cait says:

    My 16 month old has a new word. It is “cock.” Or more accurately, “cock cock cock cock cock cock cock.” And he’s actually referring to something that I can’t figure out yet… car? cookie? crib?

    He also likes to copy the dog, so lately he has been eating by putting his face down and without his hands. Or else take food from the dog’s mouth and put it in his– THe first time he did this I thought she was going to attack him but I’m starting to get the feeling that he even has our stubborn dog wrapped around his little finger

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