You know you live in Nashville when you see wild turkeys at the soccer practice field and see a country music video shoot on the way home from practice. This is where I fantasize about inventing a new career for myself as a video location scout. I grew up in the boonies and could lead them to a real farm, not a park two miles from Starbucks.
Coming down from a pain medication high on Sunday led me to do crazy things. I cleaned my desk and shredded tons of paperwork. I found a photo brag book that I thought I’d lost over a year ago. And here all this time I thought someone was carrying around pictures of my girls and claiming that they were theirs.
Speaking of paperwork, we are only in week four of kindergarten and oh my GOOD LORD the paperwork. I’ve never seen so much homework, take home work, not to mention newsletters, teacher letters, PTO letters, volunteer request forms, calendars, lunch schedules, etc. And now if I can only beat down my inner pack rat who feels guilty about throwing away any of my precious daughter’s schoolwork. Because, you know, she could be president some day and they might need her first phonics worksheets for the archives.
For about 30 seconds I confused my electric knife with my mixer while starting to make Bailey’s birthday cake. I couldn’t quite figure out why the beaters were not going into the base. And then I realized that in ten years of wedded bliss, I have never gotten my Martha Stewart on with the electric knife. Do people actually use electric knives?
I’m researching a Mother’s Day Out program as opposed to full-time daycare for Miss A since I am usually home by 1 Monday through Thursday now. Rumor has it mothers camp out in their minivans at 4 a.m. to get a slot. Things could get ugly. We all know moms can whip out their can of mama whoop ass over anything related to child care. This is a church-based program, though, so no one could get too competitive, could they? I did some name dropping when I e-mailed the director Monday. I have no shame.
Is anyone else tired of reading about how “bad” Britney Spears looked on the VMAs? I didn’t watch the VMAs, but from the photos I’ve seen her post-babies/nasty divorce/Cheetos with a Red Bull chaser physique doesn’t look that bad, does it? So she’s not Posh Spice or Paris Hilton thin, but who is? It took guts to put on her best underwear and fishnet hose to dance and lip sync on live TV, especially with Sarah Silverman in the wings waiting to crack a vagina joke. And, as scary as it is for me to admit, I’m on Kanye West’s side as far as MTV exploiting Britney. MTV has the class of a Jello midget wrestling match at a state fair midway.