Frump Factor

My dad surprised us with a six-month membership gift certificate to our new YMCA this weekend. We were going to rejoin this fall, but he knows how much Miss C enjoys the kiddie pool as he’s taken her a couple of times and with it being 100 plus degrees hotter than hell on overdrive here nearly every day he wanted us to go ahead and enjoy a family membership. My dad has taken to heading down to the Y early every day for a walk and his morning coffee. Being quite the ladies man at 73 he already knows all the young women who work the front desk. Yep, that’s my daddy.

We headed to the indoor pool on Saturday and I was spotting Miss A as she zipped down the killer whale slide 8 million times in a row. I started chatting with another mom with an adorable 2-year-old little girl and then the mom stood up and literally towered above me (not hard to do as I am a little under 5 ft. 2.) She was tall, tan, toned, and wearing an aqua string bikini. I am short, white, constantly reminding myself to suck in my stomach, and I was wearing my blue mom tankini. I actually thought to myself, “God please let her be younger than me, MUCH younger.” I haven’t had a stomach as taut as hers since I was 21.

Suddenly I had an unattractive vision of me in a few years…short and dumpy and white and taking water ballet classes in a one piece suit with extra support and a full-coverage skirt. Fitness karma was paying me a visit. When you’re just two years shy of turning 40 you can’t go two years without hitting the gym regularly and expect the frump fairy to not hover around your thighs and taunt you with your kids’ lunch size bags of chips.

I decided then and there to kick the frump fairy’s booty before I turn 40.

But first I had to go home and eat just one small bag of Doritos because the PMS Fairy is also in town and when she and Frump Fairy party they give me unbelievable salt cravings.


  1. sam says:

    Damn that Frump Fairy and her evil PSM friend. Damn them to hell!

    I hear ya about seeing all these slim trim and hot moms. I ALWAYS convince myself they’ve had surgery. LOL

  2. Mrs.M says:

    You’re funny! 🙂

    By the way–I’ve not had kids and I’m frumpy! My goal is to get thin before knocked up–just so I can know what it’s like. HA!

  3. Anne says:

    OMG I devoured a whole bag of doritos almost by myself this weekend at the lake. There is no guilt like chip guilt is there?

  4. Bluegrass Mama says:

    Two months before I turned 40 I caught sight of myself au naturel in a full length mirror. It was not pretty. I vowed to get down to my fighting weight before my birthday, and by gum, I lost 12 pounds and did it!

    Now I am facing 50 in 8 months and have 20 pounds to lose. Sigh. While I’m skiping the skirted swimsuits for now (I have owned one in the past), tankinis are not on the menu at Bluegrass Manor.

    My dad, on the other hand, could give yours a run for his money. He was still wearing his Speedo to swim at the Y well into his 70s.

  5. Mrs Mogul says:

    I hear ya!! I lost all my pregnancy weight but lately this month we’ve been pigging out on donuts, chips and right now ICE CREAM! I gotta stop eating all this because I feel the flab coming back! SO NICE TO GET E MEMBERSHIP!! Sigh..

  6. kailani says:

    ROFL! Sorry but that was kind of funny! I’m in my early forties and finally figured out a way to beat the Frump Fairy . . . stay away from pools and beaches.

  7. Blonde Mom says:

    Bluegrass Mama:

    My dad does not, repeat, DOES NOT, wear a Speedo and for that I am glad.

    He is in very good shape, though (and so is my mom, I might add.)

    My mother’s single and just moved to Nashville so any of you eligible bachelor types out there speak up. 😉

    Mrs. Mogul:

    I was eating ice cream almost every night and it was starting to catch up with me. I love to eat and I’m not much of a gym person but I need to start going a couple of days a week.

    Take that Frump Fairy!

  8. Jill says:

    And it seems like the PMS fairy gets meaner the older we get, huh? I am headed to 40 in just under 3 months and I am bound and determined to get a cute pair of (small) jeans for my 40th birthday. I’m growing my hair a little longer and spending some up-close-and-personal time with my treadmill starting yesterday. At our neighborhood pool I’m surrounded by younger moms. I always tell myself what I lack in the physical I make up for with wisdom (and more expendable income).

  9. Amanda says:

    I can’t imagine you looking frumpy. I ate a bowl of ice cream with lots of caramel at 4:30 in the afternoon. Yeah the oms fairly visited me the next day. Join my club!!!!!

  10. Holly Schwendiman says:

    I’m laughing my butt off at the “frump” and “PMS” “Fairies”…what a great description. If we only knew to truly appreciate what we had when we had it eh? And in 15 years we’ll be looking back saying the very same thing about where we are today!!


  11. Lisa says:

    I make myself feel better by telling myself that those ladies with wonderful bodies spend zero quality time with their kids & instead spend all of their time in the gym or counting calories. Just tonight I spent quality time with my girls over a bowl of ice cream. I’m sure those skinny moms didn’t do that 🙂

  12. selfmademom says:

    I love tankinis, but I hate going to the pool. Especially since our pool is at OUR HEALTH CLUB. so everyone “works out” and then takes their kids swimming. Seriously bad for the ego.

  13. Richie says:

    I’m on the portion control and smoothie lunch diet myself. I’ve got 15 post partum pounds to lose.

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