Pint-Size Saboteurs for Hire

The girls and I hit suburban shopping heaven on Earth (aka Target) yesterday with cold hard birthday cash. Sixteen dollars and thirty-three cents later we were the proud owners of a blueberry scented doll and yet one more confounded My Little Pony. Oh well. Anything to avoid the Bratz sensation.

We headed to my mom’s for a Sunday afternoon visit. When we left it was well after 3:30 and Miss A was deliriously loopy from lack of napping. She fell asleep, not surprisingly, after I’d been driving for just a few minutes. Then things got really quiet and I could see in the rearview mirror that Miss C was snoozing right along side her. Eureka! Score one for mama. I actually considered just driving around for a while and enjoying the glorious silence.

We pulled in the driveway and my neighbor’s 6-year-old was perched on her playset ready to greet the girls with her sing-song voice but I motioned for her to be quiet. She probably picked up on my crazy neighbor mom desperate to keep her kids asleep during a rare dual afternoon nap vibe. I carried Miss A to the couch where she continued napping, but Miss C woke up the second I opened the back gate and she made a bee line to our swing set. I went inside to check on Amelia and then could hear Miss C yelling over and over, quite obnoxiously, “Mommy swing me, mommy swing me, mommy SWINGGGGGG MEEEEEEEEE!”

It dawned on me that my other next door neighbors were having an open house and that our swing set is in the corner of our backyard closest to theirs and I had seen people milling about their yard. I opened the window and shushed Miss C.

Hopefully she didn’t discourage any potential home buyers. Of course, they haven’t heard anything until they’ve been subject to Bailey’s ability to bark nonstop at a stick for thirty minutes.

Any way, if you need a 5-year-old girl with a voice that just won’t quit or a dog with a bark so annoying it will drive you to drink, let me know.

p.s. Dawn, either Miss C or Bailey are available to come over the next time your neighbor fires up the drum set in his back yard and you want to retaliate.


  1. Charla says:

    I’m glad someone else’s kiddos are as loud as mine seem to be. Right now my 5 year old has to be the winner in the “loudest quiet-voice ever” contest. It totally grates on my nerves.

    And my son constantly asks me to push him on the swing even though he knows how to pump his legs. He says he’s “too tired” to swing himself. :roll eyes:

  2. Blonde Mom says:


    Miss C knows how to swing by herself but apparently no one can swing her like mama (or daddy.) Sigh…

    And yep, I’m sure any potential neighbors looking at the house next door were thinking (especially if they don’t have kids), “Damn that little girl is LOUD!” Yikes. 😉

  3. Blonde Mom says:


    I let Miss A nap until 5…probably not the “wisest” thing to do but considering she hadn’t napped on Saturday I was desperate! 😉

  4. Dawn K says:

    Harper’s birtdhay is a week from Saturday….I hope you all can come and maybe we can put Miss C to work on the tire swing again.

    Altough, we have an “UNDERSTANDING” now with our neighbors that involves my brut of a body guard aka Grandpa who as you know lives within 50 yards. I don’t think we be hearin the drums anytime soon!

  5. jen says:

    maybe it was the perfect neighbors looking to move in next door…you know, the people who are dying for grandkids…who think all sounds that emit from a child’s mouth are just precious. And they happen to be dog trainers on the side.

  6. Blonde Mom says:

    Our neighbors’ two sons are grown and both married, but they have FOUR dogs. However, I’m convinced Bailey’s bark is the loudest, most annoying bark in our entire subdivision.

    We have a pretty kid friendly neighborhood, though, so whoever buys the house will see a lot of kids riding bikes, etc. I’ve just got to keep mine from screaming commands from our play set.

    It’s too bad play sets don’t come with remote control swings. 😉

  7. jen says:

    remote control swings….hmmmm….I like the bark collar idea. Is it a bad thing to get a bark collar for your dog and your child? Just put some cute crystals on there so you can just say it’s a necklace if social services comes knocking on your door.

  8. Mof2 says:

    Our dog is the same way. She will stand and bark at something only she can see for what seems like forever. And K-bean is as loud as ever. When she gets together with the kiddos next door, I swear it’s like a bunch of monkeys running amuck in the jungle, with all the hooting and hollaring going on.

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