Out, Out Damn Spot

Yesterday I was the first in our house to wake up and I headed to the kitchen to do the usual: make coffee, check e-mail and read a few blogs and be super productive. As I sat my butt down in a barstool in front of my laptop it dawned on me that we are headed to the beach very soon and maybe I should shake things up a bit, namely my untoned booty. I put my running shoes on and went for a walk.

It was peacefully quiet out and not yet humid, which was very pleasant. As I rounded the first corner I saw a neighbor on his front porch engaged in some sort of brick demolition project with another guy. Considering I had not showered, had no makeup on, and realized just then that the paper thin aqua running shorts I had put on over coral underwear was not the best choice, I kept on chugging without giving the obligatory neighborly smile and wave. Besides, they were too busy to notice the woman with freakishly white legs speed walking down the street.

I glanced down at my arm and was thinking something profound like, “Damn I am WHITE!” and noticed a small brown spot on my middle right finger. And then it dawned on me that it was not a freckle.

I tease my husband about his graying around the temples since he’s a year and a half younger than me and I have managed to avoid the gray hair fairy at 37, but I’ve paid my dues in spider veins. I refuse, however, to acknowledge that my freckles are morphing into age spots. Then again, wouldn’t a “I Hit the Tanning Bed One Too Many Time in the 80s” bumper sticker be fitting, considering my 20-year high school reunion is coming up?


  1. Kelly says:

    I have resigned myself to sunless tanners for the last two years…but I hate it. It is so hard to submit to the white gods….I love being tan. Get it checked out Jamie, you don’t want to mess with that crap.

  2. Sarah says:

    My son was playing with my hair the other day when he yanked one out. I said, “Why’d ya do that??” to which he responded, “I’m getting the white ones out!” And I’m only 24…oh lord…

  3. Mrs. Schmitty says:

    I avoid the sun if I can. Too many bad burns in my teens. I worry all the time now that I’ve developed all of these age spots. As a matter of fact I just had my yearly dermatology appointment Friday, all’s good!

  4. Charla says:

    I don’t do the sun thing, either. It’s SPF 30 for me! I wouldn’t worry about the age spots (or whatever they are) for being unsightly…I can’t see where anyone would notice but you, you know? Now the gray hair? I can’t bear to think about the ones popping up on my head (my mom’s family are all early grayers, and I seem to be following suit). I’m just glad my BFF is also my hairstylist!

  5. jen says:

    My blankity blank gray hairs still shine through even after a 45 minute date with Lady Clarol (sp?). These little suckers are determined to stick around. I’m going to have to go in with the big guns…tweezers!

  6. Bluegrass Mama says:

    Sunless tanning spray is my friend! As for the gray hair, my hubby is five years older than I am and is just starting to get a little gray at 54. I, on, the other hand, have had a monthly date with L’Oreal for years.

  7. Holly Schwendiman says:

    Oh dear, WAY too much relating going on here except I have more than one cropping up on my hands and lower arms. Aging stinks eh? I keep telling myself though that in another 10 years I’ll be wondering what the blankety blank I was complaining about!!!


  8. Angel Cope says:

    Don’t you remember the baby oil and the betadine, just to make sure you got all the tan you could on the reflecting float in the pool!?

    Now we are all covered in sunscreen.

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