The Can of Mama Whoop Ass

There is a little boy in Caitlin’s pre-K class. I will call him Stephen. As in Stephen King Jr.

Apparently he loves to scare the girls. He knows all about Spiderman, monsters, “ghostes,” and strangers with knives.

Yes, strangers with knives.

One afternoon last week Caitlin was her usual excited, hyper self when I picked her up at daycare. She grabbed my hand and insisted that I go out to the playground to see the house on the hill, which in reality is a small storage shed behind the play ground, just on the other side of the fence. And then she said something about a stranger hiding a knife in the house on the hill.


My heart stopped for a second. As she continued talking nonchalantly about her day’s activities I realized that Stephen King Jr. was at it again.

I told her he was just teasing her and that the “house” was no house, but a storage shed and that there was no mean stranger with a knife. I told her that school was a safe place and that no strangers can come in as they have door locks with a special code. I also told her to please go straight to her teacher the next time Stephen King Jr. tells a scary story about strangers with knives.

Now apparently Stephen has gone back to spinning somewhat harmless tales about Spiderman and “ghostes,” which I can tolerate a little better. She’s not mentioned the strangers with knives story again.

It’s a good thing, too, because the mama whoop ass can is on the shelf, just waiting to be opened.

Oh, and little girl at the playground last weekend who returned Caitlin’s heartfelt “bye” with a snotty “bye BABY!” and shutting your car door, thereby making Caitlin cry? The mama whoop ass can is also waiting for you.

Speaking of school, Caitlin’s preschool graduation is tonight…the cameras are charged up! Now, I’m off to find some waterproof mascara.


  1. Heather says:

    Oh, God! I think my 5 yr old daughter is a Stephen. And I haven’t a clue where she gets this stuff. My kids aren’t even allowed to watch Sponge Bob for crying out loud.

    Heaven help me!

    Your girls are adorable, btw.

  2. Dawn K says:

    I have my can ready too, but I am afraid that the other “momma cans” are going to be pointed in our direction. His hair is starting to turn red and he is exhibing willfulness only his daddy could have given him. 🙂

    We are about to graduate to the toddler room and I can’t believe how fast it goes.

    Good luck tonight.

  3. Nicole says:

    Spiderman is apparently the obsession of the boys in Claire’s room too. She asked me if she could see the movie, and I was like, uh, NO. AND NEITHER CAN THEY.

    Then we had to have a conversation about how even though Spiderman can look a little scary (since you can’t see his face) he helps people.

    Where exactly around here can you buy those cans? Please tell me it’s the Dollar Tree. THAT WOULD BE AWESOME.

  4. Charla says:

    Oh, bullies and meanies suck big time, and I’m dreading more of it as my kiddos grow.

    We had preschool graduation Sunday afternoon, and I thought my heart would leap out of my chest. It is some kind of moment seeing your firstborn take that big leap. I can’t even begin to imagine how high school graduation will be!

  5. Erin says:

    happy Graduation!! (i feel caitlin’s pain! I was uber-gullible as a kid and believed in all the ghost stories! The teachers used to tell us about the “ditch witch” who killed her kids and herself and who haunts the ditches (so stay out when it rains!!) and I had nightmares!!)

  6. Blonde Mom says:

    I have to tell ya’ll I did not cry…I was too busy smiling, laughing, taking pictures. Besides they sang a song called “I’m a Nut in a Rut.” Too funny!

    And on the scary stories, it doesn’t help that the new Spiderman movie has the evil dark Spiderman in the commercials!

  7. Mrs.M says:

    if there is one thing i cannot stand it’s snotty ass kids! makes me wanna run over there bike with my car!

    glad the graduation went well!

  8. Richie Ann says:

    That is so sad. I would have cried too. You want to protect your kids from all those little hurts but I think it’s impossible. Poor nut.

  9. Anne says:

    I know Jamie. I know. Little kids can be such asses. Why is being younger (to kids) so awful? I will never get that.

  10. Blonde Mom says:


    The thing that also pissed me off is that I kept wondering if the little girl’s mother heard her be mean to Caitlin. If Caitlin had done that to another child as we were leaving the playground I would have demanded she immediately apologize. But I think the mom was too busy yammering out the window to her mom friend in the car next to her. Sigh…

  11. Jen says:

    My whoopass can is enormous, thanks to four kids and sending my kids to a Catholic school because I liked the uniforms, the hard school work and I thought the kids would be nicer. I know. I’m a moron. Meanest bunch of Steven Kings with crucifixes I’ve ever seen.

  12. Mrs. Schmitty says:

    I’ve got to get me some of that whoop ass in a can for mama’s too. I hate snotty little kids that pick on our little angels. Brats! LOL

    Have fun tonight!

  13. Jenny says:

    I remember those playground tales that left me scared to go to sleep. Every kid should feel safe at school and daycare, I hope this was a fluke!

  14. Twisted Cinderella says:

    I am such a momma bear. When people say things that she brings back to me (she usually wakes up at midnight to tell me what someone said.) I truthfully want to pick up the phone and open up a can whooopass in the middle of the night. They should be thankful that preschools, don’t hand out home phonenumbers when your kid registered.

    One bus driver, told my daughter that if she didn’t hurry up they would going to lock her in and make her sleep there alone all night. My daughter was horrified. She came home and cried for 1/2 hour straight! She is terrified of being left alone.

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