Along Came a Spider

…that was so #*$&@# big, I probably could have handed it a bottle of nail polish and asked it to give me a foot massage and a pedicure.

Tuesday night I was inspired to paint my naked toenails, which have been exposed far too long this spring, especially after reading this hilarious post while cruising the blogosphere. (My favorite line is, “there is no fiesta happening at the ends of my fingers. Just short, weak sadness.”)

I hunkered down in the bedroom, bright red nail polish in hand, and glanced over at our nifty ionic air purifier that the manny (aka my dad) purchased for us about a month ago to help rid our house of the various allergens keeping us in the allergy/cold aisle at our friendly neighborhood Walgreens.

Something black near the base of the air purifier caught my eye.

I saw a black spider on the hardwood floor.

This was the queen mother of all spiders.

The holy mother of spiders.

The big mama jama of spiders.

I’ve never seen a spider that big IN ALL MY 37 YEARS OF LIFE ON THIS PLANET.

I did a little research today and I think it was a trapdoor spider or perhaps a tarantula escaped from the local zoo. I have no idea. I didn’t get close enough to examine it.

I scurried barefoot down the hall as fast I could without making too much noise screaming in horror and waking the girls.

“HUBBY, I NEED YOU. I NEED YOU IN OUR BEDROOM NOW!!”

Unfortunately for the hubby, it was not passion that sent me straight to his waiting arms, but the comfort in knowing he would flush the spider down the toilet.

11 comments

  1. Richie Ann says:

    Ew…spiders. It reminds me of this giant worm I saw in the gutter the other day. It was giant like a snake. I pointed it out to my hubby who asked me to pick it up. I’m like what? You want me to touch that thing! He couldn’t bend over as the kid was in the backpack. I picked it up with one finger and flung it toward his chest. He lovingly carried it to our garden. Thank God men aren’t afraid of bugs or our houses would be infested by them.

  2. deb says:

    Oh my god that’s one freaky spider….ewwwwwwwww! My husband is as scared of them as I am so I’m chit outta luck lol

  3. Holly Schwendiman says:

    Yipes and Yowza! I don’t do creepy crawlies. Thank heaven’s you had someone who could/would flush it. I’m not sure my hubby would have been any help as he’s as skiddish as I am – although he’d have completely unloaded my can of hairspray neutralizing and gluing it.

    Hugs,
    Holly

  4. Liza says:

    oh, that hilarious post you mentioned..it’s really was!

    Yikes! that’s one scary hairy spider!

    I bet your hubby is “feeling like a hero” to the rescue! or did he?

  5. Bluegrass Mama says:

    Eeeww! Dh would have rescued it and put it outside. I’d have grabbed a large shoe and squashed that sucker flat.

  6. Blonde Mom says:

    Bluegrass Mama, my husband said he would have put it back outside and released it if we didn’t have the girls. But I’m not mourning the spider, that is for sure! 😉

  7. Jennifer says:

    You poor woman. I feel your pain. When we first moved to the asscrack of Alberta, I was trapped in my house and off my nice large deck because of a Jewel Spider who took up residence across the patio doors.

    What I’ve learned is that they grow em big out here.

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