Dear Neighborhood Wal-Hell:
Against my better judgment I decided to take my girls, both under age 5 and under the influence of no nap, to your lovely store Sunday. The Wal-Hell near my office is much nicer, but this location is closer. Entering this particular store is always a little nerve wracking and I’m surprised there aren’t bars on the windows. Wait a minute, there are no windows.
I had a birthday present to exchange, we were fresh out of diapers, and there was nothing to eat for dinner except for canned albacore tuna and some questionably old vegetable soup in the freezer. I tossed a cereal bar and some Smarties in my purse and we were good to go.
I knew it was going to be an interesting adventure when Caitlin whooped her “Mommy I have to GO POTTTTEEEEE” war cry about ten minutes into our shopping trip. However, I was most appreciative of the free Pringles samples awaiting us at the end of aisle 10 since Caitlin didn’t want to eat hers and handed them to me. And the supernatural speedy experience in customer service was a bonus! I could have taken my ten dollar bill and change and run for the hills, or the new super Tarjay right up the road, but I didn’t want to drag the girls back out to the car.
I’m sorry about the bottle of water Amelia poured on the floor in the children’s clothing department but I had to break open the marked-down St. Patrick’s Day cookies and she was thirsty. Apparently she only needed two sips of water, though, since she poured the rest of it out.
I’m not sorry, however, that the girls and I ended up trying on the oversized gag leprechaun hats from the St. Patrick’s Day display and danced like village idiots in the checkout line, much to the amusement of everyone in the store, because after waiting a good 20 minutes in the world’s slowest freaking checkout lane, frankly I wanted a real life leprechaun and a mug of Irish ale to keep me pacified. And maybe a rainbow with a pot of gold at the end of it. Or maybe just a Wal-Hell gift card since we’ll be out of diapers again soon as my 2-year-old has squeezed two droplets of pee in her baby potty since December and would apparently rather pee in her diaper and have mama wipe her butt.
Any way, I was indeed impressed that I spent just a little over a hundred dollars and came home with bags and bags of Wal-Hell goodness. And I didn’t even use any coupons.
Love, A Suburban Mother Who Loves to Live on the Edge
p.s. I did appreciate the slower than dirt clerk marking down all my ground chuck packages when only two were discounted. And she was very sweet, even though Amelia was going bonkers and I let her
dismantle play with all the blinking Disney ink pens in the impulse purchase section near the cash register. So in a nutshell…cheap meat and cheap diapers. That’s enough to keep me occasionally coming back to Wal-Hell. Well, that and the cute George brand children’s clothing.
Speaking of Wal-Hell, I just read a hilarious post by Here in Idaho about “the greatest show on Earth.”