I have a secret indulgence. I love celebrity gossip.
It’s a guilty pleasure that can be traced back to when I was a little girl and would look at my grandmother’s neatly stacked copies of National Enquirer and Star on the coffee table, always folded so that you couldn’t see the covers and placed next to her glass candy dish stocked with gummy orange wedges.
So when the Britney Spears divorce headline appeared on my computer Tuesday, I had to read more. Britney keeps you guessing. She’s like the white trash Madonna (pop star Madonna, not that Madonna), constantly reinventing herself.
Apparently Britney went shopping at the GAP and then ice skating at Rockefeller Center just hours after she filed for divorce from husband Kevin Federline. That’s normal, right? And did you know that the Britney post-divorce sweater at the GAP can be yours, although you might want to actually put a shirt on under it unless your trying to get a waitress gig at Hooters.
I don’t know who Britney’s publicist is, and I’m sure she has a team of PR handlers, but you’ve got to admit she’s been playing the paparazzi this week to the tune of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive.” I had my doubts in Team Britney when she did the Matt Lauer interview earlier this year and smacked a wad of gum like a Piggly Wiggly checkout girl but someone had to orchestrate the David Letterman appearance Monday where she actually looked somewhat sophisticated (click here to find out all about her makeup that evening), the filing of the divorce papers Tuesday, the post divorce paper filing shopping spree at the GAP, AND the ice skating. She also carefully timed the divorce, as she filed exactly two years and one month from the date of her official marriage, on Oct. 6, 2004. The prenup agreement apparently includes increases for Kevin Federline for every year of their marriage with a 30-day grace period.
And now K-Fed is retaliating and seeking custody of their two small sons who are, unfortunately, the real victims of this divorce, but I have no doubt that Team Brit will try to raise those boys up right.
In summary, Britney’s guide to workin’ the divorce bullet points:
timing is everything
get fit, get tan, get revenge (OK, she may very well have had some surgical help with her new post-baby body)
go blonder and shorter
appear to be unphased
work the talk show circuit
buy something off the rack to appeal to the suburban diva
and check and recheck the details of your prenup
I raise my bag of Cheetos to Britney and her PR team.