Just think of this as my reverse “Dear Abby.”
If your daughter’s Disney Princess cell phone battery is dying and the phone starts to eerily dial somewhere at 3 a.m., run, do not walk to the refrigerator and put that sucker on the shelf next to the giant jar of grape jelly and the container of light sour cream. You won’t hear it again until you open the door the next morning.
Do not chew gum in yoga class. You may be a neophyte yoga student, but chewing gum in yoga is like farting in church or not turning your cell phone off at the movie theatre.
Do not give out lame candy at Halloween, such as peppermints and generic Life Savers, because it will just end up being carted to work where it once again gets rejected.
If your kids are in daycare or preschool do not forget to take a cold weather spare outfit or you will find your 19-month-old daughter wearing some little boy’s khaki plaid shorts and a t-shirt with a helicopter on it when you pick her up.
If you are going to get in a spat with your boyfriend, put some clothes on before you run to the nearby Waffle House.