Just think of this as my reverse “Dear Abby.”

If your daughter’s Disney Princess cell phone battery is dying and the phone starts to eerily dial somewhere at 3 a.m., run, do not walk to the refrigerator and put that sucker on the shelf next to the giant jar of grape jelly and the container of light sour cream. You won’t hear it again until you open the door the next morning.

Do not chew gum in yoga class. You may be a neophyte yoga student, but chewing gum in yoga is like farting in church or not turning your cell phone off at the movie theatre.

Do not give out lame candy at Halloween, such as peppermints and generic Life Savers, because it will just end up being carted to work where it once again gets rejected.

If your kids are in daycare or preschool do not forget to take a cold weather spare outfit or you will find your 19-month-old daughter wearing some little boy’s khaki plaid shorts and a t-shirt with a helicopter on it when you pick her up.

If you are going to get in a spat with your boyfriend, put some clothes on before you run to the nearby Waffle House.


  1. Renee says:

    I got you beat. One day, I picked John M. up from Mrs. Sam’s and he was wearing a dress.


  2. R*belle says:

    Aha! I know exactly what you mean about the spare outfit! Or, she may be wearing the pajama pants left over form a visit to Grandmas house…

  3. Amanda says:

    Don’forget to pack a jacket or your kid will end up in a ugly turtleneck that doesn’t macth the outfit. Then they take her out in public.

  4. malia says:

    Very good, sound, advice. I’ll try and remember all of those for future reference! Especially the Waffle House one ’cause ya know, I often fight in the nude and then get a hankering for some waffles afterwards. 😉

  5. Jennifer says:

    *snort* Someone gave us a homemade chocolate nut log stuffed into a ziplock bag. Guess where it went?

  6. Charla says:

    Holy crap that’s some funny stuff. I’m sure it’s just observations and not stuff that has really happened to you…right? 🙂

  7. Bluegrass Mama says:

    If the naked woman had had a Disney Princess cell phone, perhaps she could used it to call for help from the privacy of the motel room. Or at least from the Waffle House restroom.

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