Smells Like Teen Spirit

Sometimes I feel like we’re living with a 14-year-old trapped in a 4-year-old’s body. A few weekends ago Caitlin had two tantrums before noon. Apparently it was bonus tantrum day and mama was left in the dark without her tantrum punch card (survive ten tantrums and get a free margarita!)

Most meltdowns I can blame on her being tired or hungry because really what else would explain here completely falling apart over the fact that I wanted to vacuum while she colored at the kitchen table?

Unfortunately, Caitlin’s meltdowns, although much less frequent, have hit new levels of roll-the-eyes in stubbornness, stomp-off pouting that are flashbacks to the terrible twos. The one comeback that kills me? “Mommy, I NOT YOUR FRIEND ANY MORE.”

Amelia at 19 months is already showing some terrible twoisms as in “NO” is her new favorite word. AWESOME! But hey, I’ve survived one go round in the ring with the “twos,” so I can do it again. And this time? I’m not pregnant like I was with Caitlin so I CAN DRINK.

With all this in mind, here’s another edition of realistic preschool parenting newsletter headlines.

If You’re Happy and You Know It:
Leave Mommy Alone While She’s Locked in the Bathroom

Meet the Manny:
Why Mommy Keeps Cloning her Friend, Jack Daniels

Developing Hand/Eye Coordination:
Teaching Your Preschooler to Uncork a Wine Bottle

Secrets of Well-Rested Moms:
Discretely Spiking Apple Juice, Just Plain Wrong or Sheer Brilliance?

PMS in Preschoolers:
More Raging Hormones than a Hillary Duff Concert

Teaching Tolerance:
The Doodlebops are Freaks, but We Love Them

Here are some goodies I posted in May because the “real” parenting newsletters are just not as entertaining or realistic.


  1. Colleen says:

    Um. You need a better punch card. Survive TEN tantrums before the free magarita is offered? Not cool. Should be survive TWO get your drink. That’s more like it!

    Loving your headlines. Those are articles I could sink my teeth into.

  2. Renee says:

    I’ve been living with two ‘teenage girls’ for 10 years now and the oldest is just almost 11. Get my drift?

  3. molly says:

    Blondemom, I love your blog. My girls are way older than yours, probably the reason I mistook your 4 yr old for a toddler, I’m out of practice. I so appreciate your headlines and need for alcoholic reinforcement, which need, btw, only becomes stronger as the kids get older. As an RN, I freely offer my services, when the time comes, to hook you up to your own alcoholic IV of choice. (I like single malt scotch) When both your girls have their periods at the same time, you may need it.

  4. Anne says:

    oh lordy. Fortunately Lily is past the tantrums (knock on wood) but she is into the evil threats like “Mommy, you are not invited to my birthday party.” and calling me such nice epithets as ‘stupid’ (that get’s a spanking AND a time-out double quick) when I negate something she wants to do.

    Shore do wish I could have a margarita. or ten. I’m not kidding. It just doesn’t get easier, this parenting gig!

  5. Bluegrass Mama says:

    I remember telling our daughter’s preschool teacher that she (my daughter, not the teacher) had been born with a chronic case of PMS.

    As for the 4 going on 14 thing, I think you’re dead right. I once read that children tend to go through the same stages twice, about 10 years apart. This was when our daughter was about 2. And our son was 12. WHAT WERE WE THINKING?

  6. Pattie says:

    Ha! These were wildly entertaining. If you ever do put out a REAL parenting newsletter, these certainly would be dead on topics to read about!

    Oh, and I would be having a margarita after one tantrum. Is that wrong?

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