A Letter to My Other Man

Dear Jack:

Sweetheart please refrain from obsessively grooming your paws at 3 a.m. Your zealous slurping and licking woke me up and I had a very difficult time going back to sleep seeing as you love to sleep on the floor right by the bed. You may be subtly trying to tell me you need to go to the groomer, and that is fine although you’ve never been the Metrosexual doggy type, but the next time you start in on a paw pedicure in the wee morning hours I’m going to have to move your bed over to daddy’s side because he can sleep through anything.

Love, Mommy

p.s. I’m already holding a slight grudge over the entire container of raw pork chops you ate off the patio table while I wasn’t looking. Don’t push your luck.

14 comments

  1. Anne says:

    Our female lab likes to get down with the private grooming around 2AM. I never get used to the sound nor have I ever enjoyed it which is why a pillow or two always winds up on the floor, from chunking it in her general vicinity. gak!

  2. Amanda says:

    You can’t get any breaks when it comes to sleep. I am having the same problem here. Good luck tonight!!

  3. sweatpantsmom says:

    Is this a letter to your dog or to your extremely hairy pool boy/lover that you make sleep on the floor next to your bed?

    (Cause I have seen men who eat entire containers of raw pork chops right off the table.)

  4. Mrs. Flinger says:

    I wrote this!! I swear. Mac would CHEW his paws at all hours and when I was early pregnant I was so neauseated it made me puke. I kid you not. Or the licking of himself.

    Shutter.

  5. Blonde Mom says:

    Our female dog Bailey (who used to sleep with us) has been banned from our bedroom since my first pregnancy with Caitlin. Thank the Lord because she likes to get busy grooming her doggy netherregions and she is very vocal with it. GAG!

    Sweatpants Mom…HA HA HA HA! 😉

    Amanda, thankfully the girls slept like rocks last night. Yee haw for soccer practice on Tuesday nights!

    Lesley, is this the same Mac that lives with your mom now? 🙂

  6. Paige says:

    Oh how I can relate!! Our English Bulldog does this and it drives me absolutely nuts! My husband just doesn’t understand why it annoys me so much! I don’t even like to hear it when I’m awake much less when I’m trying to sleep.

  7. Joel says:

    Hopefully you won’t mind if I use your letter as a template to send to our three pups…in our house the opposite situation is the norm – my wife sleeps through the 3am grooming, scratching, while I, wide awake, listen and wait for it to stop…oy vey.

  8. Nancy says:

    I used to dog-sit for my former boss’ little Yorkshire Terrier. I never got any sleep when I did because if I let him in bed with me, he’d groom himself fanatically for hours before settling down (and the whole bed would shake, along with the damn slurping and biting sounds.) But if I didn’t let him in the room, he’d whine and bark outside the bedroom door. I’m not sure it was worth what I got paid to watch him!

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