Sweetheart please refrain from obsessively grooming your paws at 3 a.m. Your zealous slurping and licking woke me up and I had a very difficult time going back to sleep seeing as you love to sleep on the floor right by the bed. You may be subtly trying to tell me you need to go to the groomer, and that is fine although you’ve never been the Metrosexual doggy type, but the next time you start in on a paw pedicure in the wee morning hours I’m going to have to move your bed over to daddy’s side because he can sleep through anything.
p.s. I’m already holding a slight grudge over the entire container of raw pork chops you ate off the patio table while I wasn’t looking. Don’t push your luck.