Hotel Uterus Closed, No Vacancies

We have a Sunday night curse at our house. No matter how great the girls sleep Monday through Saturday, and thankfully they are both typically sound sleepers, someone always wakes up in the wee hours Sunday. And if it’s not one of the girls, it’s one of the dogs. And if it’s not one of the dogs, it’s the neighbors’ dogs waking me up. So basically it’s a recipe for sleep deprivation and the reason I suck down a couple of cups of coffee on Mondays and often forget to wear earrings or put on deodorant. Amelia and I were up rocking at 1:30 and 3:30 a.m. And by rocking I mean rocking in the recliner and not rocking out to “If You’re Happy and You Know It,” which is one of her favorite songs. I’m not really sure why she woke up but I think the Dora Spagettios I bought as a “treat” for her wreaked havoc on her stomach.

Whenever we have a sleep deprived night I always marvel at how I managed to survive the first few weeks home with the girls without going insane from sleep deprivation. And then I thank God the girls are no longer newborns. Now I love babies. I just no longer get the itch to rent out my uterus to another human being. Hotel Uterus and its heated swimming pool are closed.

Now while we are very excited to be welcoming a new niece or nephew next March, I’ve started chucking baby equipment faster than you can ask, “So, ya gonna try for a boy now?”

There is a small part of me that is sad to close the pregnancy and newborn chapter, but there’s another part of me that is just happy to never deal with late pregnancy heartburn and washing all the 800 parts to my double electric breast pump ever again.

Here are a few indications that tell me I’m OK with not having any more babies:

I can hold a new baby and gladly hand them over the second they spit up or start to poop.

I read about moms over 40 getting knocked up and think, “THANK GOD that’s not me.”

I secretly calculate how old the hubby and I will be when the girls graduate high school.

I did a happy dance in the freed up kitchen floorspace formerly occupied by our monstrosity of a combo baby swing/highchair.

I’m looking forward to decorating Amelia’s “big girl” room next year.

I’m longing for the day when I am no longer responsible for someone else’s potty hygeine.

I can finally toss my copy of “What to Expect the First Year,” which started collecting dust after Caitlin’s first birthday.

I can’t wait to get rid of our Diaper Champ (next year, hopefully). Burn baby burn. I’m not sure why mothers rave on about the Diaper Champ like it’s the best thing since sliced bread as it’s just a glorified poop receptacle. Poop stinks no matter where you put it people.

So is there anything you won’t miss about the newborn days? Yawn.


  1. Holly Schwendiman says:

    ROFL Jamie. I referenced a swimming pool analogy to this very topic just a few weeks ago on my adoption board. (Link for anyone interested: Times and seasons are so very important.

    My almost 4 year old didn’t sleep for the first 2 years of life and I thought I was going to die! NOTHING about that sounds fun anymore. I’ll enjoy the babes and enjoy giving them back to mom equally well now. ;o)


  2. Anne says:

    i felt all of those same things before getting pregnant this last time. (Way to go with the calculations!) I was so done with the idea of a third child. Then once it happened it took me a long time to acclimate to the idea of a third kid and I put up with all the ‘maybe you all put a stem on that apple this time!’ jokes, and now that we know it is another girl I can bitchslap anyone who even suggests we keep trying for a boy. puleeze. I don’t need a boy that bad. wow. what were you talking about again? cough.

  3. Amanda says:

    I really miss maternity leave. I miss nursing Gracie and cuddling on the couch.

    I am not ready for another newborn until Gracie is 2.

  4. Renee says:

    I don’t miss the lack of sleep and unpredictable sleep patterns, but I sure do miss the snuggling. Hmmm. . . . Sigh.

  5. Blonde Mom says:

    Caitlin was a GREAT snuggler. Amelia is a pure wiggle worm. I relish the times she snuggles, but unfortunately it is usually when she is sick.

  6. Jennifer says:

    Damn, Squeak is only 12 weeks old and I’m already selling her shit. No really, I am. I’ve got a crib tent up on E-bay and am onsidering selling her diaper genie as well, we never use it anyway.

    Being that I almost died having her….we are DONE having kids. Its not worth leaving the two we have motherless to even think about another. My grandma gave me the “are you going to try for a boy” speal and I almost made her completely deaf with my “NO!!!”.

  7. mothergoosemouse says:

    HELLS YEAH. Every last one of those points you made, I’m standing right beside you, cheering ’til I’m hoarse.

    What do I miss? As much as it pained me – literally and figuratively – I miss nursing. Drinking breast milk gave my babies the most fabulous scent. Even their poop didn’t really stink. Both of them gave it up around the time they started solids (also around the time they started sprouting teeth, thankfully).

  8. Blonde Mom says:

    Julie (Mothergoosemouse):

    I miss nursing because of the snuggling…once we got the routine down…AND the calorie burning powah!


  9. Colleen says:

    I totally miss the calorie-burning power of nursing. I have to be so careful about what I eat now. I was a chowhound while nursing.

    I’m still in the “maybe one more baby” mode and not ready to say goodbye to the swing/bouncy chair/infant clothes yet but each day that I’m able to convince my husband of it a little more, I start to wane on the subject. Those first few months were pretty hard and I have no idea what they’d be like with a toddler to care for at the same time. I’m starting to get to the point where if we have a second child, great, but if not, just one will be great too.

  10. Mayberry says:

    I wish I was this sure. I was utterly miserable during both pregnancies, my 18-month-old rarely sleeps through the night to this day, and my husband and I almost tore each other limb from limb during the newborn months. But, I uh, still, uh, kinda, sorta, feel like I could, maybe, um, want one more?

  11. mamatulip says:

    I was thinking about this in the van yesterday…thinking about how in a year or so I’ll probably be done with diapers and bibs and *maybe* soothers and…maybe then I could get some sleep…

    And I thought to myself, “Self, are you sure you want another one?”

  12. Kristen says:

    Yeah, there are things I miss about having babies, and I feel sad when I think of how fast it went by. But, we’re DONE. It’s kind of nice being able to leave the house without stressing over having diapers, wipes, toys, cheerios, bottles, and diaper cream with us. “Put your shoes on, let’s go!” is music to my ears these days.

  13. malia says:

    Right on! Sweetpea was 4 1/2 when Boo-boo was born and by that time she was quite independent (potty trained, could mostly dress herself, could even get a snack out of the pantry by herself) and I was so spoiled with that. We completely started over again with Boo-boo with the diapers and the feedings, etc. I don’t want to go back!!

  14. sharla says:

    We still want to have one or two more but are waiting awhile. I dread the pregnancy more than the newborn but my daughter was an angel.

    I miss the milk breath from nursing and the cuddling. Oh and the calorie burning! I have never been skinnier while eating so much!

    I absolutely hated being pregnant. The only part I loved was feeling the baby move and hiccup.

  15. starshine says:

    Totally understand where you are coming from. I didn’t realize I would be so okay with finally shutting down the playdough fun factory but I am.

  16. Rebecca says:

    I miss having boobs!

    Two little girls make the complete family for me, perfect. 5 years ago we were desperate to conceive, now we are desperate not to conceive!

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