Shop ‘Til You Drop (Or Pop a X anax)

Shopping is never fun for me when I actually have money burning a hole in my wallet. Instead of staggering through the doorway, overburdened with bags like Paris Hilton straight off a shopping binge on Rodeo Drive, I come home empty handed. Of course, unlike Paris, I frequent stores that feature plastic shopping carts and public water fountains conveniently located in the hall just outside the restrooms.

I’ve made two trips to TJ Maxx, one trip to Target, and one trip to Steinmart in the past week, armed with birthday money. I have bought a few things and returned a few things and basically have purchased one pseudo outfit…a fitted black tank top with lots of bling around the v-neck that is very cute, but doesn’t seem appropriate to wear to the office, even to my casual workplace. I also purchased a simple black knee-length skirt that I call “transition” wear. (AKA I can get away with wearing it this fall with a cotton long-sleeve sweater because it’s never cold in Nashville until after Thanksgiving.)

Everything I have tried on was either:

a. black (not good, considering we reside at La Hacienda de Dog Hair)

b. too tight (apparently I am in long-term denial when it comes to the size of my butt because I am still convinced I can wear the same size that I did 10 years ago despite the fact that I have not step foot in the Y or taken any type of exercise class since 2004). I do need to start riding my new bike regularly.

c. cute, but not yet on sale, therefore I refuse to buy it because it is against my retail religion to pay full price for anything

I almost bought a beautiful flowy, vintagey (totally making that word up) fabric sundress that tied behind the neck but it was about 100 degrees in the TJ Maxx dressing room last week. I nearly dislocated my shoulder trying to zip it up and was sweating like a mofo. I bought the dress and took it home to try it on because I was SURE the heat was what was making it impossible to zip the dress up past the middle of my back. I returned the dress yesterday, tags intact. Never could get it zipped up. Hmmmpfh.

I still love the idea of shopping and I am a firm believer in retail therapy. Maybe next time I need to purposely leave my cash at home. Apparently it’s bad shopping karma to actually be able to pay for your purchases, rather than charge them.

25 comments

  1. brittney says:

    Boy, do I feel you on this one, sister. I have a closet full of black clothes I bought before I brought that mutt home. Oy.

    Also, the big butt thing over this way, too. It despressing trying on clothes. I don’t have a full length mirror at my house for a reason!

  2. Anne says:

    I wear a lot of black too because I am in lala land and think it makes my caboose appear smaller in the rearview mirror.

  3. R*Belle says:

    Talbots was having a preseason sale and I got a cute khaki skirt and brown top… not too Talbotsy at all…

  4. Sarah says:

    I have a Marshall’s Gift Certificate in my wallet that I have had for the last three months. I am super picky on clothes unless it is free and then somehow I fall in love with it. I know I have issues.

    The last time I was in Marshall’s I had the kiddos in the dressing room with me and my oh so sweet daughter mentioned that I looked fat. She really wasn’t trying to be mean she is only 3 and I think it was more an observation, because I couldn’t zip the damn pants up but still—Out of the dressing room, out of the store, haven’t been back since.

  5. Brandy says:

    OK, so do you put things in your cart that you love, walk around the store with it for a while, and then decide that you really don’t need it and put it back? I do this ALL the time! It’s so stupid! I really want the item, I just don’t want to spend the money. I’m such a tightwad when it comes to things for myself. For my kids…that’s another story!

  6. Amanda says:

    I hate trying clothes on. I saw this really cute top at Old Navy I tried it on I looked frumpy.

    Then, all those cute skirts not on sale and very expensive. I am on a budget!!!

  7. molly says:

    I second the Hacienda de Dog Hair. Sounds like my Maison du Chien. (highschool French)

    Also refusing to pay full price for anything these days. I wait for the markdowns to be marked down, and then I swoop and swipe.

  8. Pattie says:

    You know, I have the same problem! Whenever I actually have the money to buy an outfit or something, I can’t seem to find anything. However, when I don’t have the cash, I see Sooooo many things that I would want…why is that? 🙂
    Maybe my credit cards have a conspiracy thing going on….

  9. sweatpantsmom says:

    I love this post. And I must have bought that same dress with the defective zipper, because I KNOW it wasn’t my ass getting in the way.

    I used to be a shopping whore, spending 99% of my income on expensive denim and spandex. But since having kids I buy all of my clothes at Target, on the way from the food aisle to the cleaning supplies section. Meanwhile, my two girls are always dressed in expensive name-brand clothes, courtesy of my sister-in-law, who can never pass up a Guess sale. Wah.

  10. Bluegrass Mama says:

    I heard a rumor that there are actually people who pay full price for things. I keep meaning to check it out on Snopes.com, because I’m sure it must be a hoax.

  11. Nicole says:

    Ok sister, I’m calling you out. As far as I can tell, you haven’t ventured more than a ten mile radius from your house.

    Here’s an idea: How about a mall? Maybe next time you drive the buggy into town?

  12. Blonde Mom says:

    Nicole:

    You are so right. I should drag my lame booty to a decent mall. OK..I did go to the Target in Brentwood…but wait a minute DAMN that’s within 10 miles, too. 😉

    Jamie

    p.s. OK, OK…I’ll admit I have a mall aversion. And I used to be a mall rat…years ago.

  13. Kristen says:

    Ok, we are so shopping soul sisters. I will NOT pay full price, love TJ Maxx- do you have a Ross by you? Love that place. And I never find anything when I have money either. Thems the breaks, right?

  14. Mrs. Flinger says:

    I seriously think it’s some law that as soon as you actually HAVE money, nothing is right. But when you are broke? Oh, it’s all so yummy.

    And I have the same retail religion. Mine also makes me shop on Sundays. 🙂

  15. Emily says:

    My mama worked as Castner Knott for years – we didn’t get clothes unless they were both on sale PLUS we got her employee discount. Big bummer when I was in high school and everyone was wearing the latest clothes from the GAP – anything I got from there came straight from the clearance rack…

    Now that I’m on my own, married, with kids, I really understand why we shopped that way – and mama raised me right – I’m as “thrifty”, i.e. cheap, as can be…and I rarely shop for myself, and feel huge guilt when I do.

  16. Renee says:

    I’m one of those people that can pretty much find something to buy, anywhere. And that’s not a good thing. Especially for my bank account.
    Good luck with future shopping!

  17. Jennifer says:

    LMAO! “Retail Religion” LOVE IT!

    I guess that explains why I went on a spiritual bender the other day when I saw a sale.

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