Finding My Mojo

Now that we’ve entered the “no more babies” phase of our marriage, in some ways I feel that I am dipping my toes into unchartered, yet familiar waters. I feel like I can start paying a little bit more attention to me and not feel guilty about it. In some ways it’s awkward, like trying to flirt with myself. I’ve spent the last five years either thinking fertility or pregnancy or nursing or labor and delivery or bottles or weaning or swaddling or spitup and now the girls in some ways, especially physically, are just not as needy. I’m just trying to figure out what to do with myself now that I’m a.) finished birthin’ babies and b.) approaching 40 (GAH…in a little over three years). I’m at sort of a mental crossroads and I’m trying to discover this new person, that I hope in many ways is a stronger and better one post-motherhood. I tend to be a wee bit restless and lately I have this restlessness down deep in my core. I want to change things up, but I’ve never had two children to think of before…two small human beings who depend on me to provide them with happiness and stability and snuggling and bedtime stories. It’s an awesome responsibility and one I don’t take lightly.

How do you keep from losing yourself completely in motherhood? How do you find balance between making sure your hubby thinks you’re still one hot mama, not burning the morning toast, getting the kids to school dressed and clean, squeezing in “me” time for exercise or a lunch outing with a friend, and arriving at work at a decent hour each day with some semblance of professionalism? How do you make time for personal growth without feeling selfish or guilty? Sometimes the juggling act is overwhelming and I get lost in the shuffle of the daily grind. Somewhere, deep down, is the girl who would take off with a girlfriend for a weekend to Chicago “just because.” Somewhere, deep down, is the girl who went to New Orleans with a group of friends for Jazz Fest and danced barefoot in the grass. Somewhere, deep down, is the girl who visited the hubby years ago for 10 days and did nothing but lie on the beach, soak up the sun, and fall more and more in love with the man I would soon marry. I’m trying to find that girl. I know she’s in here somewhere.

17 comments

  1. R*belle says:

    We said my friend, well said!

    Lets see, this morning I took one possibly sick kiddo to day care and one that may have smelled a little like poop. I have wet hair (and brought my hairdryer to work) and a jacket on that does not match. Did I mention that I was almost an hour late.

    Sigh. I will be looking for my mojo in the closet tonight as I attempt to reorganize it and find some things to wear that actually FIT.

  2. Sarah says:

    I think just knowing that she’s in there is more than half the way to finding her. A lot of moms I know figure they have to give up that old self because they can’t keep her. I figure eventually she’ll make raising my son (and whomever follows) a lot more fun.

  3. AmberN says:

    Well said!

    I think you will slip into your new role admirably, it just may take a little getting used to. Doesn’t it always? I hate that transition period…at least you’re getting into one of those times where it’ll be somewhat steady for awhile!

    Always look on the bright side of life?

  4. Amanda says:

    You know I get so wrapped up the girls that I forget about me. I am constantly doing something for the girls or doing something for my husband.

    Then I feel guilty for going to the grocery store by myself and not taking a kid with me. In the end I was glad because I had “me time”.I still felt guilty.

    It will get better,it really will. You are a good person and it will all come back. You will be dancing very soon.

  5. Charla says:

    I think you just wrote the innermost thoughts of a bunch of 30-something mommies. Like you, I can’t wait to find that person I knew many moons ago, BUT I am still too lost in motherhood to go on a search for her just yet.
    Just this morning Chase was asking about when Claire will be 2, 3, 4, etc. and I went through the age differences (when Claire is 1, you will be 5, so on and so forth). When I got to Claire=6 and Chase=10, one of those thought bubbles popped over my head with visions of children growing more and more independant. I think that is when I will finally start to see the me of long ago.

  6. Blonde Mom says:

    Charla:

    Maybe you and I can get together in a few years when we have our full mojo on and we can have a margarita in celebration here in Nashville!

    Renee:

    Not gonna happen. Don’t jinx me girl. 🙂

    Jamie

  7. mamatulip says:

    Hey, I’ve been musing about similar things over on my blog. I can relate to quite a bit of what you’ve said and I’m not sure if I’m done with the having babies bit or not. I think, if you can, it starts with finding the time to do something that’s just for you, every day. Yesterday while the kids were sleeping, instead of doing laundry or cleaning, I sat in the chaise lounge and read my book while sipping coffee. It was just brilliant and I felt so recharged.

    I hope I get to do it today, too. 🙂

  8. Blonde Mom says:

    Sarah: (At ClubMom’s Toys on Sale blog…go visit her new blog…on the blogroll over there!)

    I don’t know what happened to your comment. I believe Spam Karma got overzealous, had the munchies and ate it. How rude! If you were here I’d fix you a nice margarita or since it is way before noon here a nice cold Coke on ice or maybe just some filtered water from my fridge. 🙂

    Jamie

  9. Library Mama says:

    Charla makes a great point – that as the kids get more independent, sometimes your Mojo just jumps out and grabs you again.

    Main Man and I have started “dating” every Friday again like we used to BK (before kids). Our #1 can now babysit his brothers, and all three of them love when we go out because they can have a little “party” themselves.

    Then again, there are still times of overwhelming confusion and chaos in my life, but I know there always will be. Come on – with three boys that comes with the territory!

    Thanks for a great post.

  10. Oma Flinger says:

    The mojo is just hidden inside and when you become an Oma, it comes out again…bigger and better than words can express.

  11. Nancy says:

    I’m in the same place as you — heading to 40 and done with babies — and I’m struggling also with how to get back a little piece of myself. I’m trying to give myself little “rewards” a few at a time (moments here and there) but it can be very tough. I am glad to know I’m not the only one struggling with this, though!

  12. Jennifer says:

    Take it from a mom with a 3.5 week old. RUN, JUMP, CELEBRATE….

    I’m still trying to figure out why the heck I signed up for this again? HA!

    Oh, as for making yourself purty for the man, maybe you and your girls should have some girly days and do your nails! That always made me feel wonderfully girly and I got to spend some quality time with the three year old too!

  13. Bluegrass Mama says:

    You’re right on, Jamie! Make some dates with your husband. Put him in charge for the occasional weekend and go to Chicago with your friend.

    Though I’ll be honest and say that I don’t know how mothers who work full-time manage it all. Part-time can be tough enough.

  14. Anne says:

    um, let me know when you find it and how because I lost my mojo years ago and have yet to glimpse any of it’s goodness.

  15. Mrs. Flinger says:

    well writtten, Jamie. I’ve said this before, too. I’m still searching for that ME in there. I’m sure she’s there. But I’m still prodcuin’ babies and I hope she can find me again later.

    Maybe my ME and your YOU can go play in the rain together. We’d probably like that.

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