TMI (or The Vagina Monologues)

Shortly before I got pregnant with Caitlin I started seeing a new dental hygenist. At my first visit we discussed the standard safe conversation topics: work, marriage, kids, flossing. She was inquisitive about when the hubby and I were going to have kids and when I told her we were probably going to start trying to have a baby in the near future, a little light bulb went off in her brain and she started asking me questions about our baby making strategy (OK…not that specific). She wanted to know how we knew we were ready (like you’re ever truly ready to have kids!) She told me that she and her husband had been trying to get pregnant for several months. The conversation then rapidly crossed over the TMI line. She started telling me details of their baby making parts and what might or might not be wrong with them. There I was, a captive audience with no choice but to occasionally nod and mumble “Uh huh” while saliva dribbled from my mouth because she was oblivious to the fact that I needed spit siphoned out of my cheek pocket. By the time I left I knew more about her menstrual cycle than my own. I saw her again while I was pregnant and then after I had Caitlin. She was still trying to get pregnant. The last time I saw her she told me that she and her husband were splitting up. Although I truly felt sorry for her, the last thing I want to hear while I am having my tartar scraped is the state of someone else’s uterus. I began to dread each appointment. I wondered if she got this personal with all her patients or if she read something in the grooves of my teeth that led her to believe I was the pour your heart and soul out to type? Shortly thereafter a new dentist moved to the first floor of my office at work and I signed up as a new patient to have the convenience of getting my teeth cleaned on my lunch break without even leaving my building (and to also take advantage of their free custom teeth whitening kit offered to new patients). I love my new dental hygenist. After appropriate small talk, she gets down to brass tacks and cleans my teeth. There is no vagina monologue, and for that I am thankful.

10 comments

  1. Charla says:

    That would be awful to go through with a complete stranger!

    The dental hygenists at my dentist (including my dentist’s wife!) seem to have special baby-making water at their office…someone is ALWAYS pregnant! Right now there are 2…or maybe 1 (one was due last Thursday with her first).

    Unrelated: I had to check in on you this morning after seeing the news to make sure you weren’t the one who had a drunk driver run through the side of your house last night! What a nightmare!

  2. Kristen says:

    Wow. It’s bad enough when they try to force you to answer questions while they’re scraping, but to pour out their reproductive traumas in the process?? AWKWARD.

  3. Renee says:

    WOW, some people, huh? Maybe she did get down with TMI to all her patients, because they couldn’t talk back and ask her to stop. Yikes. Good for you for moving on.

  4. Blonde Mom says:

    I do not mean to sound insensitive about her, but it really got to be uncomfortably “weird.” And I’m nervous enough about going to the dentist without added angst!

  5. Library Mama says:

    I had a hairdresser like that once. At least she waited until we knew each other fairly well before she set in on that kind of talk, but the embarrassing thing was that she didn’t have very quiet speech habits, so I got to hear all about her labour and delivery at such a high decibel level that I was uncomfortable for all the other clients in the salon!

    But I really loved the way she did my hair!

  6. Anne says:

    gawd, what a drag. that kind of thing happens to me all-the-time. i think it is because we are too nice. oh well. gross.

  7. mothergoosemouse says:

    Although I’ve never had this problem exactly, I’ve had way too many people – especially hairdressers – subject me to their political rants. I suppose I take it because I don’t want them to screw up what they’re doing to me!

  8. Pattie (Domesticator) says:

    Jamie,
    You must have a face and a disposition that made her feel she could talk to you…
    I have had this problem MANY times in my life. I’ve had people I just met tell me things so personal, I wanted to run away and hide..EEEKKK!

  9. SistaSmiff says:

    Maybe her incessant babbling is what drove the mister away? I know that sounds mean but ya know, she may have been one of those that probably could’ve gotten pregnant if she hadn’t have worried herself to death over it. Maybe Mr. Dental Hygienist didn’t want kids?

    I do know a girl who spent years obsessed with getting pregnant, did finally and the husband bailed before the baby was 6 months old. Turned out he really didn’t want a baby but didn’t have the heart to tell her. Brilliant.

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