The Hostess With the Mostess (or at the Very Least a Clean Toilet)

We had a great time at our neighbor’s annual July 4th party last night. I enjoyed chatting with an eclectic mix of neighborhood women (one is a 67-year-old grandmother who is still working at a private university here in town and one mom, 50, has been battling breast cancer) and the conversation quickly turned to our lovely hostess and how she had gone all out on the patriotic red, white, and blue theme. The tables were covered with red, white and blue quilts and tablecloths. The dessert table had quite a spread including a big bowl of red, white, and blue M&Ms and cupcakes decorated with red, white, and blue sprinkles. When I led Caitlin into their hall bathroom to change her into her bathing suit she was delighted to see the tiny red floating candles decorating the tub. Really, if there had been red, white, and blue toilet paper, patriotic hand towels, and an Uncle Sam soap dispenser I wouldn’t have been surprised. Our fabulous hostess even handed out patriotic theme party treat bags to all the kids and cued the patriotic music once everyone carried their lawn chairs and ice cold beers out to the front yard and the fireworks bonanza started. The party was fun and festive, without being stuffy or pretentious. I’m not sure I’ll ever pull myself together enough to be one of those hostesses who has floating candles in the tub. I’m just happy if the toilet is clean. I have come a long way, however, from the college apartment parties: salsa straight from the jar, chips from the bag, and beer out of a can!


  1. R*Belle says:

    Unattended candles in the tub are dangerous! (Was that convincing?) And honestly, just reading all that she did made me want to vomit.

  2. R*Belle says:

    Sorry, gahd that sounded rude! I didn’t mean it that way, I just got overwhelmed thinking about all of that.

  3. Blonde Mom says:

    They had a lot of beer on ice outside, though, and somehow that counterbalanced all the Martha Stewart attention to detail. Beer is the great equalizer! 😉

  4. Nicole says:

    Damn. I’m never that organized, though I know people who are. I kind of hate them and admire them all at the same time.

    And beer IS the great equalizer. Especially Bud.

  5. Library Mama says:

    Okay – about candles.

    We were visiting some friends a few weeks back whose only child was their new three month old baby girl.
    They have a fairly new home that, due to lack of childrification, is in immaculate condition. The wife is home on maternity leave and appears to have a lot of time to “Martha”.

    She had beautiful scented candles burning in every room of the house.

    I have a five year old boy.

    Need I say more?

    He claims that, after wiping his mouth with a paper napkin, he went to put the napkin down on the table, and a candle suddenly pounced on the napkin. I figure he was trying to see how close he could wave the napkin over the candle before it caught on fire. His experiment failed.

    Well, one black charred stain on their berber later, all of the candles were blown out.

    Maybe if the candles had been in the bathtub……

  6. Mayberry says:

    You know what’s scary? My parents once lived in a house where the half-bath had a patriotic theme: HUGE panels on the wallpaper depicting patriotic songs, a NAVY BLUE toilet, and brass towel-olders festooned with eagles.

    Glad you had fun!

  7. Emily says:

    Wow – I could never pull that off. I just don’t think of those things, and generally am happy that the house is clean! We’re the minimalist decorators, though – all I had out at Halloween was one of those cheapy paper skeletons on the door!

  8. sweatpantsmom says:

    I wish I had floating candles in the bathtub at my parties, but where would all the drunk people sleep?

  9. Bluegrass Mama says:

    I’ve moved up to beer in bottles and pour the salsa in a bowl (only because it’s easier to dip). The chips still are known to come directly from the bag at times.

    And floating candles in the tub would require cleaning the tub, as opposed to just pulling the shower curtain closed.

  10. malia says:

    And floating candles in the tub would require cleaning the tub, as opposed to just pulling the shower curtain closed.


    I make sure the toilet is clean, the sink is clean and the floor has been swept (maybe mopped but not likely). The tub is no man’s land!

  11. Anne says:

    oh mah gawd that sounds so awesome!! I think I love the hostess. All the glitter PLUS good conversation? Wow. WOW!

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