I grew up in the Bible Belt. Summer was ushered in by Vacation Bible School and Wednesday meant covered dish suppers and sweet tea in the church basement. Sometimes I have to draw on the lessons learned in a little country church when I don’t have the patience to deal with small children who push my buttons in public.

Recently I had one of those please God don’t let me see anyone I know moments while running errands with Caitlin. For the most part she is my little shopping buddy, but 3-year-olds are about as predictable as Tom Cruise and upholstered furniture on Oprah or Ashlee Simpson’s latest hair color. Is this unpredictability going to change now that she’s turning 4? Somehow I doubt it.

Here are some examples of my memorable WWJD parenting moments over the years…that’s What Would Jesus Do for all of you unfamiliar with this catchy little slogan printed on everything from bracelets to bumper stickers.

Exhibit 1
You’re in a checkout line six people deep and your 3-year-old starts playing your chest like the bongos and chanting “BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES!”

Jesus didn’t have boobies, but he did advocate peace and loving all little children, no matter how annoying. Keep smiling, point out an item of distraction (Dora panties!), pray no one is listening to her Ode to Boob and bolt out of the store faster than the sales clerk can ask, “Will that be paper or plastic?”

Exhibit 2
You’re in another checkout line (detecting a mommy behavioral chain of stupidity here) and your child takes one look at the cashier and asks loudly, “Mommy, she got silly hair?” Pay up as quickly as possible and say something lame like “Oh, her hair is nice! What nice hair!” Leave the store and avoid that cashier and her silly hair, which is actually pretty silly.

Jesus probably wouldn’t be grocery shopping, he’d send one of his disciples.

Exhibit 3
You see a former co-worker at the store and start chatting with her. You introduce her to your seemingly angelic child, who promptly shoves a finger up her nose.

Jesus would point out that your child is clearly in need of attention. Go home and give your child lots of attention. At home. Not in public. And make sure you have antibacterial gel in your purse at all times.

Exhibit 4
You’re 7 months pregnant and buying something during the pre-holiday rush at the mall with your 2-year-old (can we say glutton for punishment?) She plays hide and seek from you and doesn’t understand why you use your loud mommy voice when you yank her out of the cookware display and waddle to the car.

Jesus would pat you on the head and say, “Next year do all of your holiday shopping online.” (And I did!)


  1. Jennifer says:


    Besides the Rugrat asking why “does that man have boobies”? loudly in an Airport, then comparing the size of mine to his, can’t say as I have many stories like that.

    However, I do hope you are archiving these to tell at her wedding. :p

  2. Anne says:

    bwahahaaa! These are so familiar to me, you could have been recounting my own stories. The bongo boobies and silly hair comment tops the cake for sure!

  3. Mrs. Flinger says:

    LOL!!! I missed this one before. And, actually, I DID a post on WWJD but it was What Would Jaime Do (my hairdresser). So I agree with mothergoosemouse. It’s soooo you.

  4. Joel says:

    When our youngest son was 5-years old, having been greatly impressed with the first “Ghostbuster” movie, he went around telling everyone his name is “Ray,” which was the name of his favorite “Ghostbuster.” This was nothing more than an adorable little phase until, while in the grocery story my wife was asked by a stranger the name of her cute little boy. She replied with his given name only to have said son chirp, “that’s not my name…my name is Ray,” which he repeated loudly several times with nary a smile on his face. The stranger grimaced and set out to find the nearest security guard quite sure she had stumbled upon one of those kids whose pictures are plastered on milk cartons…my wife made a hasty retreat and made it a point to limit public exposure until the phase had passed.

  5. Dina says:

    That is really awesome! My husband and I often play the “WWJD” game about things that happen in our lives. It’s both fun and humbling.

  6. Commercial Cooking Vendors - Shawn says:

    Mine was a little different. My nephew has grown somewhat attached to me…I’m not sure why–I take him places maybe he doesn’t go with his parents (sushi bar, etc). He is 4 years old.

    Anyway, he yells out at a family gathering, “Shawn is my real Dad!!”. He real dad (my brother in law) is right there. Gulp.

  7. Angela says:

    Oh my goodness! I just don’t know what I would do if that were me in the checkout and one of my nieces would have started the ‘boobies’ song. I would just die of embarrasment, I am sure of it.


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