I almost hesitate to inject snark into the blogosphere today as there are so many wonderful Mother’s Day posts of love and friendship, but once I start something it’s hard to let it go. Just ask my husband. My blog has been oozing with so much estrogen lately I wouldn’t be surprised if I catch him sprinkling my laptop with Bud Lite.
So in honor of Mother’s Day Weekend and for the new mothers, the pregnant mothers, and the trying to conceive mothers with whom I share blogging friendships (as well as my friend Staci who just had a baby boy), I thought I’d take a trip back into time and list some of my all-time ass chafing moments from pregnancy. Because Lord knows people love to impart wisdom on you when you’re a quivering mass of hormones, cravings, and mysterious aches, pains, and secretions, not to mention feeling about as attractive as a pot-bellied pig with boobs (at least that’s what I felt like toward the end with my first pregnancy). And no, I’m not pregnant. This is one mama who ain’t buyin’ any more home pregnancy tests.
Here are my all-time a** chafing pregnancy moments:
The man who asked me when I was about 8 months pregnant with Caitlin if I was pregnant with twins. Thanks dude.
The ditzy blonde salesperson who, as I was chatting about my newly announced state of pregnancy with Caitlin, asked me if I was happy. She quickly followed this up by asking me if the pregnancy was planned. Uh…was your wedding planned? Or was it a shotgun wedding? Are you always this socially awkward, and, if so, you may want to get out of sales.
My OBGYN, a man intimately familiar with the state of my cervix for many years, went out of town when I went into labor at 38 weeks pregnant with Caitlin. A doctor I’d never laid eyes on, whose last name rhymes with Stinky, ended up delivering her via emergency c-section so I suppose the cervical knowledge was a moot point although it would have been nice to have someone I’d met before vacuum suction my child’s noggin’ out of my belly.
The woman at the roadside vegetable stand who asked me if I was having a girl or a boy when I was about six months pregnant with Amelia and who adamantly insisted, “Nawwww….yer havin’ a boy. You look like yer havin’ a boy the way you’re carryin’ that baby. Yep, it’s a boy.”
And everyone who told me how miserable and swollen I would be having a June baby with Caitlin. Thanks! Do people walk up and tell you how miserable and bloated you’re going to be while you’re eating a Whopper and fries?
So, those are my top favorite ass chafing moments from pregnancy. Do you have any ass-chafing memories from pregnancy?
And…speaking of Mother’s Day, be sure to visit the Mommybloggers website tomorrow and Sunday for their holiday weekend Q&A with several moms (including me!)