Hell To The No

In the wee morning hours Sunday I woke to the call of my bladder. I was in the middle of a crazy dream and I made a mental note to remember it because I rarely remember my dreams.

I dreamed that Whitney Houston was in our kitchen, nearly passed out, and the hubby and I were discussing what to do. We were going to call someone but we weren’t sure what to do with her passed-out self until help arrived. (Details are fuzzy…were we calling 911, Bobby Brown, Geraldo Rivera, Inside Edition, who?) The hubby and I decided to carry her into our dining room (Our nearly empty dining room because, uh, who uses a formal dining room?! Ours currently serves as a speedway for the girls’ plastic fleet of scooters and trikes because you never know if you’re raising the next Danica Patrick….but I digress.)

Any way, the Whitney in my dreams was sadly looking one step removed from a bag lady and wearing a fur coat in need of a flea dip or a match and some lighter fluid. I was fearful that she’d wake up and harm herself or the girls and I was actually discussing all this with the hubby in the dream. Because in real life I tend to overanalyze everything, so why not overanalyze everything in my dreams? Being the opportunist that I am, I also didn’t want to miss this photo op of Ms. Houston for proof that she was indeed passed out at our house. And then I woke up. Just as things were getting interesting!

I’m a child of the eighties so I remember when the pre-Bobby Whitney came on the scene..the “How Will I Know” fresh-faced diva with the incredible voice. I’m naively hopeful for her and her family’s sake that she’s just after beef jerky and a lottery ticket and not high when the paparazzi catch her at a convenience mart at 4 a.m. looking like someone who pushes a shopping cart to work. And Lord knows I wouldn’t be looking my best if you snapped my picture at that time of day. When I discovered “Being Bobby Brown” last year I just couldn’t get enough of the show. I Tivod it. I quoted it. Whitney’s sassy “Hell to the no” became my favorite comeback. Bobby and Whitney were so much more entertaining than “The Newlyweds'” Nick and Jessica. And between these two celebrity couples, who is still together? I’m just sayin’.

I have no idea why I dreamed that Whitney was passed out in my home. I think it had something to do with the Baskin Robbins Jamoca Almond Fudge ice cream I ate that afternoon AND the bowl of ice cream I consumed right before bed. Hey…I did 110 crunches Saturday so I earned those fat grams! I think my body was in shock because I’ve denied it ice cream for months. Not to mention the shock induced by the crunches, which I’ve just started doing in hopes to tame my ab flab before summer.

Now could the crazy dream have been induced by the two glasses of wine I drank to wash down the ice cream? Hell to the no!

So, have you had any crazy dreams lately?

17 comments

  1. Pattie (Domesticator) says:

    Hahaha!!! What a dream. i like you, have the same memories of Whitney.
    Crazy dreams? I had one recently where I was at an amusement park and I was on a ferris wheel…I couldn’t find my husband. I was running through empty parking garages and offices…I was on a gondola, a tractor…I found him sitting down on some funky orange furniture talking to his boss, in the middle of the park on a stage!.I attribute the dream to my stress about my husband breaking the news to his boss that he accepted another job. Of course, it could have been the devil dogs and wine!

  2. bridgermama says:

    I have had lots of whacky dreams about the show Big Love. I cannot discuss those dreams at this time, but let’s just say they are naughty.

    Oh and Whitney could only be so lucky to pass out in your kitchen, because I am sure you would take splendid care of her tweeked out ass.

  3. Jennifer says:

    I have a hard time reconciling THAT Whitney with the Whitney of my youth, who IS that woman?

    I’m afriad it was the wine.

  4. Jennifer says:

    Oh crap, forgot to answer the question.

    I’m pregnant, so EVERY dream is whack on crack. Just yesterday Glen and I were trying to make our way out of the damn airport to go see the sights of Rome. We were trapped in the stupid thing I tell ya. He also saw every nook and cranny in the place as an opportunity to get some.

  5. Anne says:

    holy crap i am lmao at the hell to the no…and am also taking it for my very own usage. I was also a child of the 80’s, and that whitney houston album was the very first CD I eer bought. Somebody, wipe away the tears…

  6. Cityslicker mom says:

    Eh…I’m thinking it had to do with the glasses of wine and ice cream combo…or maybe you subconsciously admire her crackheadedness lately??

  7. Emily says:

    I don’t remember a lot of my dreams, but I did dream last night that I ran into Angelina Jolie and was giving her labor & delivery advice…

  8. mothergoosemouse says:

    That’s the kind of dream I would have too, except Whitney would just be some old bag lady who had passed out in my dining room (where there is nothing but a ball pit anyway – perhaps I could put her in there).

    Everyone else gets to dream about sex with movie stars. Me – I have to solve problems whether I’m awake or asleep.

    And likewise, I remember the old Whitney. That video for “I Want To Dance With Somebody” – she looked so young and innocent.

  9. Bluegrass Mama says:

    My dreams are all pretty wacky, but the last 2 I remember were pretty tame. I think I was at Churchill Downs in the last one and the bugler was playing the call to the post. I woke up then to the sound of my husband blowing his nose. Too funny! And before that I dreamt that one of my best friends had just had a baby. Not too odd till you realize that she just turned 51

  10. Blonde Mom says:

    Bluegrass Mama:

    My hubby e-mailed me this morning to correct me on the Nascar mistake and I took it out. Shows how much I know about racing cars. 🙂

    Jamie

  11. nancy says:

    That *is* a scary picture. I think I’ll be having nightmares about Whitney myself now.

    I always am dreaming about being in the attic of a house — the house is different every time, and there are always different people with me — but it’s always an attic full of stuff. I wonder what that says about my brain?

  12. Kristen says:

    Hahaha! At least you didn’t dream of Richard Simmons, like I did a few weeks ago (it’s on the blog, somewhere…)! *shudder*

    Jamoca Almond Fudge rocks my world. Damn you for planting that seed in my head. I already have five pounds to lose since starting my new job. Ice cream is the enemy!! And I’m losing.

  13. Jill Butler says:

    Aah, you have also made me very hungry for icecream.

    For the last couple of years I have so many dreams a night it’s just ridiculous and annoying. The strange thing is that I can remember most of them too. I often have dreams about trying to get to a certain destination and not making it on time, or having to overcome too many obstacles.

Leave a Reply