Chafe My Ass Friday II

Back by popular demand! Here are the sundry items on my Chafe My Ass Friday (CMAF) list:

The unwelcome houseguests that crashed our house overnight. Amelia was up twice in the wee morning hours and I didn’t get much sleep so the brotherhood of ants streaming like a tiny black ribbon by the hundreds along the kitchen floor nearly sent me over the edge. Thankfully they’re not, as Anne noted, flying roaches. But thank you Anne for putting that visual in my mind. And thanks to Trisha for the awesome margarita recipe!

Unloading the grocery bags from my car, in my typical carry as many at once as humanly possible fashion, and realizing I forgot the item at the top of my list. (Gallon o’ milk!)

People who misspell my name. It’s J A M I E. Not, J A I M E. And to all the junk snail mail and spam e-mail marketers in the world, I am not a “Mr.” or a “Sir.” If you’re going to spam me at least get my gender right. Have you no pride in the reliability of your data? Sheesh.

Huge plastic toy sets that come with 9 million stickers for decoration purposes (tell me what marketing genius really thinks that’s a selling point). We NEVER used the silver glitter stickers that came with Caitlin’s My Little Pony Castle and she’s never known the difference. Frankly, I think the castle has more curb appeal without those stickers which always start to peel at the edges.

Blindly venturing into the kitchen pre-shower and pre-caffeine (without the aid of contacts or glasses, so I really was legally blind) and using eye drops only to realize they are the hubby’s 90 proof prescription eye drops for pink eye.

The floor is now open for venting.

12 comments

  1. Colleen says:

    I’ll vent by seconding your ass-chaffing regarding ants. Our home was diagnosed with acrobat ants yesterday (can’t you just see them walking the tightrope across our bathtub and doing backflips into the sink?) and now we’ve got to spend some bucks getting rid of the little bastards. Nice start to the weekend!

  2. Jill Butler says:

    You know what really chafes my ass is 18 year-old hair stylists that can’t cut hair worth a darn, and have a major bitchy attitude with my daughter. Yesterday I took Kirsten to get her hair cut and you would have thought we were interrupting this girl’s wedding. She was clearly annoyed that she had to cut a three year-old, can’t sit still little girl’s hair. Hello, it’s your job and you get paid for it and if you treat my little girl like a human being instead of a poodle I might even give you a generous tip.

  3. mama_tulip says:

    Okay. Here’s my rant, leftover from a couple of days ago. If your wife asks you if you want her to make bottles and you say, “No babe, I’ll make them. You go on up to bed”, then you should MAKE THEM, so that your wife isn’t caught having to frantically mix a bottle at 2a.m. beacuse THERE ARE NONE after being awoken out of a dead sleep by her starving baby.

  4. Mrs. Flinger says:

    Jaime, 🙂

    So sorry ’bout the spelling. I’m Mrs. FLINGER, not FINGER. I get that a lot, too. 😛

    And, by the way, who spells it that way, really? I typo it all the time, but for real? Jaime? Weird. Jamie. Yes. That looks right.

  5. Pattie says:

    Love you ass chafing list. I,like you, hate when I go to the store to buy something specific, only to leave without it…100 dollars later.
    My daughter JaIme has the opposite problem you do. Everyone wants to spell it JaMie…can’t win I guess!

  6. trisha says:

    Thanks for the shout out. (That’s my first.) It is the best margarita recipe evah!

    How about one child in the carpool starting safety patrol and the mom doesn’t even bother to mention it. WTF?

  7. Blonde Mom says:

    On the name thing…on Caitlin’s first day of daycare, the very sweet grandmotherly teacher MISSPELLED HER NAME. I was mortified. Here I was leaving my precious babe all day AND the people couldn’t even spell her name (she had spelled it Caitlyn). I’ve also seen Katelyn and Katelynn so my poor girl is gonna have a lifetime of misspellings.

    And Caitlin’s middle name? Marguerite. Not Margaret, but Marguerite.

    See what we’ve done? 😉

    Amelia Grace, my 13-month-old’s name, is much easier spelling wise.

  8. jag says:

    Girl, I feel you on both the name and the junk mail! I’ve gotten more Playboy solicitations addressed to Mr. Jamie G….. than I care to admit. My niece to be is a Jaime. Ask me how many times I misspell HER name.

    We don’t have ants, but we do have albino humpback crickets that congregate in our crawlspace. The first time I saw one, I thought a shrimp had evolved, become landridden and meandered into my kitchen, where he met his untimely demise. They are so gross. Local legend has it that crabapples will deter them, so as soon as I find a crabapple tree, I’m harvesting!

  9. Joel says:

    I know I’m a day late but will way in anyway – the morning commute yesterday was littered with those wonderful folks who decide to camp out in the fast lane while doing 20 miles under the speed limit…they are masters of oblivion never noticing the long line of cars stacked up behind them or the roaring engines and dirty stairs as one by one those cars pass on the right. Are we not teaching fast lane etiquette in driver’s ed anymore? This currently ranks at the top of my Chaffe my Ass top five.

  10. nancy says:

    Here’s my rant: dude, if you’re driving a pickup with a trailer loaded down with stuff like a golf cart, ladders, etc. — it’s dangerous to sit on your cell phone AND try to change lanes. Get off the damn phone and drive!

  11. Anne says:

    I forget milk all the time, like yesterday at the store .zzzzzZzz. man, im hating the ant story. are they gone yet?

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