Chafe My Ass Friday (CMAF)

A random list of things that are bugging me:

I am 36 years old and I am battling teenage acne. My mother asked me yesterday on the phone, “So what’s going on with your skin honey? You’ve always had such beautiful skin.” This was followed by “You’re washing your face good at night, aren’t you?” No, mom I am rubbing raw BACON on my skin nightly. It’s all the rage in the latest Allure…the nocturnal swine rub. I follow that by eating a chocolate bar and sleeping on a dirty pillowcase. My mom’s computer is on the fritz so I know she’s not reading my blog this weekend. But I love my mama. She’s always reminding me to take care of myself.

Jack Bauer, I mean Kiefer Sutherland, will be at our local film festival Saturday night but I will probably be playing mental holdout with a 3-year-old as we continue to work with her on going to sleep by herself “like a big girl” without me being held captive in her bed until she falls asleep. It’s starting to work because my brilliant hubby bribed her with the prospect of going to see Ice Age 2. She’s so excited about going to see the “silly sqwur movie” that she’s started telling everyone at daycare: “I go see silly sqwur movie with my Daddy cuz I’m a big girl and go to sleep by myself.” (Sqwur is my lame attempt to spell her cute mispronunciation of squirrel.) The only other movie she’s seen in the theatre was “March of the Penguins,” but I’m thinking that those little waddling birds can’t hold a candle to this guy:

The neighbor who lives down the street who never reciprocates a wave when we’re out on family walks. (Our girls are cute! At least wave at the girlies when they wave at you Mr. Holier Than Thou neighbor!)

Pringles are evil. I ate a half a can Wednesday night while we caught up on “24.” Peeps are also evil, despite their deceptive cuteness. I’m going to have to toss more Easter candy while Caitlin isn’t looking. It’s like Halloween all over. Maybe all this sugar is somehow connected to my acne and the fact that I can’t seem to lose the 10 pounds I want to lose so I am tankini or, at best, modest Lands End one piece with a flirty skirt worthy by this summer.

I just made up CMAF (Chafe My Ass Friday), but feel free to vent. My list of gripes is pretty insignificant in light of other things going on in the world and for that I am thankful.


  1. Kristen says:

    Argh – don’t get me started on evil foods. And the 10 pounds, that will push me over the edge this morning. Over. The. Edge. (Five of those pounds were just discovered this morning when I came out of denial and stepped on the scale. DAMMIT!)

  2. Nancy says:

    Yesterday I was griping about my coworkers who don’t understand what it means to live in a cubicle farm — meaning, shut the f* up when I’m trying to work right next to you and stop preparing foul-smelling foods in the microwave.

    Sigh. Thanks, much better.

  3. MomWise says:

    The scale is such a lying bitch!

    I love the conversation with Mom. Most moms at least lie and tell you how good you look. My mom is like your mom. She can walk up and hit me with the “You look fat. Have you gained weight?”

  4. Anne says:

    aww…i still have the acne from time to time…usually when i’m drinking too much of the other and not enough water, but it still blows. I am so with you about the neighbor who won’t wave back. I’ve blogged before about the women at the supermarket who REFUSE to wave or say ‘hello’ back to my little girls. (Men are just as bad!) It’s just RUDE! and it pisses me off when people are rude to my babies. I will kick their asses. the end. Wow. I feel better, thanks for the vent space.

  5. Pattie (Domesticator) says:

    Ahhh…the evil Pringles…right up there with Devil Dogs and buttery salt-ladened popcorn.
    I have so many things to complain about today, I could write a post about it!

  6. Charla says:

    SHIT…My contribution to CMAF is that my whole comment was just deleted! It really chafes my ass when that happens!

    Have you tried those Salsa Verde Pringles? Yum-diddly-yum-yum! (I’m sure that doesn’t help your CMAF problems)

    And neighbors? We bought our house from our neighbors (they bought it to control who moved it – I know – what a small town thing to do!). The wife couldn’t get enough of us during the “closing” phase…she even sent us flowers on out move-in day! That was 3 years ago, incedentally it was also the last time she has made any effort at all to speak. The husband is totally the opposite…he will see us out in the yard and come to socialize for a while. Strange…

  7. Blonde Mom says:

    Charla, do not give me any more ideas about the Pringles. I love the plain ole classic ones way too much! They were on sale for $1 a can and I just can’t resist a sale…

    And I’m drinking a ton of water this weekend…I know I don’t drink enough H20. Sigh… I’ve been using this Aveda hair paste looking stuff and I think that might be part of it, too. Yeah. That’s it! 🙂

  8. Bluegrass Mama says:

    Not only do I have Easter candy to contend with, but there’s still some ice cream cake in the freezer from my birthday. There will be no tankini for me this summer, if ever.

    And I’m betting that you will never let the younger one get into the habit of going to sleep with Mommy in the bed. Live and learn!

  9. Blonde Mom says:

    Bluegrass Mama, yes Amelia (13 months) goes to sleep in her crib by herself every night just fine. Hmmmmm. I’m a sucker. 🙂

  10. mama_tulip says:

    Are you gonna do CMAF every Friday? I loooove it. LOL.

    You’re not alone, dude — my face, since I’ve started breeding, is prone to *terrible* bouts of acne, especially during ‘that time’ of the month. Which I’m still dealing with here. So that’s my bitch for today. Gaaah.

  11. Courtney says:

    First of all, I love, love, love CMAF. Brilliant!

    I hear you with the acne thing. I never had the blemishes as a teenager that I am having now at 35. How can a person lactate, get gray hair, and STILL have zits?!?

  12. Joel says:

    I just wanted to congratulate you on Chaf My Ass Friday…innovative, creative, and certainly flexible enough to be applied to any and all of the days of the week. Bravo!

  13. Renee says:

    ‘Chafe my Ass’, I like it. I’m with you totally on the acne. What’s up with that? I get lots of forehead pimples; more than when I was 16 . . 20 years later. So.not.fair.

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