Mission Impossible? Katie’s Labor Plan

Let’s all send positive vibes to Katie Holmes as she is due any day now with baby TomKat. She’s converted to Daddy Cruise’s Scientology beliefs which dictates that she have a silent birth and that they have a silent period for seven days. Could you honestly not make any noise during labor? And during unmedicated labor? By the time my epidural kicked in when I was in labor with Caitlin (I ended up having an emergency c-section), I was practically speaking in tongues and had nearly broken the hubby’s fingers during the ride to the hospital. Although I have apparently blocked this from my memory, the hubby also says I used the “F’ word when the security guard asked me if I needed a wheelchair (hey it was 3 a.m. and I was dilated to 5 cm when we got to the hospital and I just wanted everyone to GET OUT OF MY WAY). I’ll admit I’m a wimp and I wanted drugs, although I have one friend who has had natural childbirth twice (but who says she definitely had to shout out during labor). Fellow Scientologist Kellie Preston tried to follow the strict guidelines, but after 13 hours of laboring at home she told Mr. Saturday Night Fever to drive her to the hospital where she could get some pain relief (but apparently it was too late). I’m not sure how accurate all this is, as it’s been making the tabloid rounds, but the TomKat contingency have had 6 foot black and white signs, called “birthing boards,” delivered to Cruise’s home. They are printed with messages such as “Be silent and make all physical movements slow and understandable .†In this article Daddy Cruise suggests that she can make “some” noise. I’d love to be a fly on the wall in the birthing room to see how long it is before Katie tells Tom to shut it.

18 comments

  1. Kristen says:

    Huh. Yeah, I can see how huge black and white signs all over the birthing room would be very relaxing. I wonder how much noise she’ll be allowed to make? A loud breath? A groan? The crack from a bat hitting Tom’s head?

  2. jag says:

    One can only hope that Tom Cruise’s behavior during this birth will be the catalyst Katie Holmes needs to leave his freaky a$$.

    I haven’t given birth before, but I’m planning on doing lots of screaming AND having an epidural. Take THAT, Mr. Hubbard!

  3. Renee says:

    I, personally, think Tom Cruise has officially lost it. I hope Katie screams during her entire labor. I didn’t scream; I bit the nurse.

  4. Helene says:

    I’m with you. Mr. Risky Business has no business at all coaching in the birthing room. I hope Katie showers him with enough obsentities that they cover both him and his birthing boards. I mean seriously…

  5. Lucinda says:

    This is one of those thing she’s going to look back on in her 40s and say “How could I have been so STUPID?!”

  6. Jennifer says:

    The only way a man would ever dictate to me how I should be giving birth, is if he spontaneously grew a uterus.

    Otherwise, he can just shut it.

  7. Jamie says:

    Ya’ll I have to admit when I first read about the “birthing boards” I envisioned wood planks or something that she could grab or bite! 🙂 I have no experience with natural childbirth, but I would think you would make some noise during the transition phase or when the baby is crowning. As my one mama friend who has birthed naturally, crowning gives new meaning to “Ring of Fire!” I’m just not clear on how they define “silent.” Maybe Katie can do some groaning or something toward the end!

  8. Anne says:

    yikes. i’m sorry that I don’t have more sympathy for the little girl but how idiotic can one person be? The epidural saved my life. (PS I had an emergency C-section too) Does anyone know about the basic scientology belief system? I’m curious.

  9. Jamie says:

    Anne, I’m with you. The media (and the public, too..hey I’m as guilty as the next person) thrives on the sensationalism aspect, but you don’t really see many actual hard facts. The Church of Scientology has a newsroom on their website. Here’s the link that offers some information on their basic beliefs: http://www.scientology.org/en_US/news-media/index.html

    Also, one of Celebrity Baby Blog’s readers who is a Scientologist, clears up some of the nonsense and shares her childbirth story: http://www.celebrity-babies.com/2006/03/katie_holmes_st.html#comments

  10. mrsmogul says:

    When I was in labour almost 8 weeks ago I WAS LIKE, “THIS IS worSE THAN I THOUghT!!” No way am I going natural if I decide on another one! I had the DRUGS!!

  11. J says:

    I birthed two children naturally. I delivered the last one with the help of a midwife. Both were hospital births. I swore, yelled, and did something that my husband refers to as “a gutteral moaning from deep within.” First birth, told my husband to shut up. Second one, told him to give me his f’ing hand. I couldn’t help it. I can’t imagine being “silent,” or even making only a bit of noise. As Johnny Cash said, the ring of fire, “burns, burns, burns.” Tom is a complete idiot! I hope some day Brooke Shields kicks his a$$.

  12. nancy says:

    LOL at Bridgermama’s comment!

    There’s got to be *some* noise — a sigh, a groan — I can’t imagine giving birth without a sound, even WITH medication. Definitely “mission impossible.” Good luck to poor brainwashed Katie.

  13. Cityslicker mom says:

    why is it up to anyone OTHER than Katie as to whether she can make “some” noise…Oh well, she’ll see.

  14. Tom is a Freak!! says:

    First of all, where does any man get off telling a woman how to have a baby? I have two kids and with the first one, the pain was unbearable so I opted for the epidural (yippee) second one, I went into labor so fast that I didn’t have an option for any drugs!!!! My husband heard noises you wouldn’t believe a woman could make (I actually thought at some point I sounded like a cow) I also used quite a list of profanities. I have to honestly say that my second birth was far worse than the first because I just wanted to push the baby out as it hurt so bad that in the end I was worse off for not having drugs because you just want the baby out and you don’t seem to be as calm as when you had drugs. Let’s just say I tore a new one with the second one and my first one was so much better that I got to cuddle my baby straight away and I was relaxed. The second I just wanted to die after, didn’t want to hold my baby straight away as I just wanted to go to sleep (which I didn’t because they had to sew the mess up that I created with trying to get it over and done with in a hurry!!)

    Katie grow up and stand up for yourself! He isn’t your Daddy and he should start treating you like an equal, not a little girl! Tom, shut the hell up until you pass something similar to a plum out of your manhood, DON’T COMMENT!

    Also, what does it mean baby needs to be kept in silence for 7 days? Babies loved to be held and spoken to!

    If I saw Tom, I would have to say I would want to go up and B#%ch slap him into Uranus!

Leave a Reply