Snow White’s Alternative Dwarves

We’ve been immersed in Disney DVDs this past week with two sick little girls. Things are looking up, however, with the introduction of that nasty thick antibiotic which stains everything in its path Pepto pink.

In my homebound state of dementia this holiday weekend (well, we did go to the mall for a short while yesterday), I’ve thought of some alternative seven dwarves to hang out with the fairest in the land.

Bitchy Dwarf…slightly effiminate and great at accessorizing that drab dwarf attire, organizing Snow White’s pantry, and throwing unforgettable parties.
Sassy Dwarf…more attitude than a 3-year-old who’s been coddled for a week by parents who will do anything to stop her whining.
Shopaholic Dwarf…addicted to buying tools on Ebay, easy target for all the woodland cottage-to-cottage salesmen, and has maxed out his Visa.
Obsessive Compulsive Dwarf…washes his hands three times religiously before each meal.
Bipolar Dwarf…can frequently be overheard yelling “Get out of here you raven haired bitch” and “I love you Snow White, you complete me” in the same breath.
Dieting Dwarf…addicted to calorie counting, protein shakes, and Tivoing The Biggest Loser.
Hypochondriac Dwarf…constantly flipping through medical books, taking supplemental herbs, and visiting the forest walk-in clinic.

Happy New Year! Here’s hoping the alternative dwarves in our closet don’t haunt us too much this year.

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