I can has Girl Scout cookies?

If you drop anything on the floor, from spare change to dental floss, she’ll try to eat it. Once her taste buds connect with her dog brain and she realizes it’s neither edible or tasty she’ll drop the random object, but she’s definitely orally fixated. Also? She likes to hump legs but that’s another fixation entirely.

Wait, where was I?

Last Friday it was the most Blustery. Day. Ever. Our garbage can was in crazier than usual runneth over mode (we are overachievers like that) and was out by the curb for pick up and random trash kept blowing out so I wasn’t too concerned when I spied the familiar bright green of a Thin Mint box in the back yard.

As I walked out to pick up the box it dawned on me that we hadn’t eaten any Thin Mints lately and then panic filled me down to my pink toenails…COOKIES?! I had brought in several boxes of Girl Scout cookies from my car and placed by the door of our utility room to remind me that they needed to be delivered and also to keep them from getting melty in my car. Most were grouped in larger cardboard boxes, but there were a couple of smaller one to two box orders that I’d just placed directly on the floor, fully within reach of our dogs. I could still see a piece of tape and part of a note I’d taped to the empty box indicating who the order was for. Now our old man Jack would never in a million years try to open and eat an entire box of cookies. But Zoey the new girl? Totally not without question. Amazingly she only left one tell-tale tooth mark in the box, opening it with more care than my kids. It was completely empty. When had she even eaten these?

I ran in the house waving the empty cookie box at Zoey, who cowered guiltily at the sight, and then called my husband and then the vet. Since I’d had no idea when she’d eaten the cookies and since she’s a larger dog, about 40 pounds, and she was also acting fine, the vet’s office wasn’t too concerned but said to keep an eye on her. Now had she eaten a box of chocolate candy? That would have been another story. My sister just spent about a thousand bucks having her dog’s stomach pumped after her Airedale ate a bag of Dove dark chocolate.

Later I spotted Zoey with one of the cookie sleeves in the back yard, her paws holding it down, trying to nudge out the last 5 or so cookies with her nose. I felt a little relief because technically she hadn’t eaten the entire box. She wasn’t too happy when I took the last few cookies away from her, though, and I don’t blame her. I mean Thin Mints are my personal favorite.

Now I need to put this canine talent of hers to use. I’m thinking it would be pretty cool if Zoey could learn to fetch a beer bottle and open it with her teeth, right? And if anyone knows of any dog breed that is particularly adept at 4th grade math, please let me know asap. My sanity may depend on it. Thanks.