Opinions vary widely regarding when to talk to your children about sex. My belief is that somewhere around the age of 8 or 9 is perfect.  This worked well for my oldest, and with my middle child almost 10, and about to go off to overnight camp, I knew I needed to find any opening and give her THE talk, as I surely didn’t want some cabin mate filling her in on the birds and the bees 350 miles away from home.

Now, when I told my oldest, she was full of questions. Embarrassing questions. Detailed questions. Her thirst for information was hard to quench. With Miss Middle, I’ve searched for opportunities during the past year to talk to her, but each time an opening presented itself, she instinctively slammed that door shut – right in my face. Well, the time was upon us, and I knew I had a mere 48 hours to make sure this happened. We were packed, the trunks were in the car and our GPS gave us 4.5 hours until we arrived at our N.C. cabin, where we would stay overnight before dropping our two oldest at camp.

When we arrived at our cabin, we all got out of the car, grateful to be at our destination.  Immediately, as is often the case at our mountain home, two dogs appeared, eager to include our dog as part of their roaming gang. One dog, an un-neutered, large male (aka Lover) took special interest in our smaller dog.  Miss Middle said, “Wow, that dog sure does like Buddy.” (Yes, to fully comprehend my story, our dog is a boy also, just a “fixed” dog, which I guess in dog world means “fair game.”)

I immediately thought “window of opportunity” and told Miss Middle I needed to talk to her. We entered our cabin, sat on my bed and I said:

“Sweetie, I need to talk to you about something. You are old enough to understand this.  It has to do with babies and how they are made and where they come from.”

She looked at me and blinked. Not a word. I had a sudden feeling that perhaps she knew, which would explain why she had avoided all of my attempts to snare her into this conversation for the better part of a year.  Hmmmm…. She does have an older sister….it was possible.

“So, you know that to make a baby there needs to be an egg and a seed, right?”

She nods.

“Well, the egg is in the mommy and the seed is in the daddy.”

She says, “Wait, I thought the mommy had the seed?”

“No, the daddy does, and he has to get it into the mommy. Now, this happens the same with cats, horses, dogs – and this is why that dog out there is acting like that with Buddy. He doesn’t understand that Buddy is a boy, but this way of making babies is the same with all animals, including people.  Now, it’s OK if you think this is gross, because it might shock you. And you need to know that when you’re older you won’t think it’s gross, as that is how God made us, but …“

She was looking down and she sighed. I thought, “Wait, she does know.  She knows about sex already!  She knows what I’m about to say!”

“Sweetie, do you already know how the daddy gets his seed into the mommy?”

She nods.  She looks up at me with her enormous beautiful eyes and slowly says. “Yes.  She has to eat the poop.”

Well, okay, I guess she didn’t know.

“No no no no no no.  Not THAT gross.  At least I don’t think so.” And I proceed to tell her EXACTLY what happens and how her body one day will want this, but why we wait.

“So, do you have any questions?”

She says, “No, I’m hungry. Can we drive to dinner now?”

No inquisitive questions, as there were with Miss Oldest, about how long this takes, how many times Daddy and I do this type of thing, how big it gets. Nothing.

On the way out to the car, the three dogs are still running around.  Lover is still all over our Buddy, but the girl dog running around with them is definitely the third wheel.

Miss Middle says, “Why isn’t that boy dog trying to do it to that girl dog?”

I shrugged. I was just as confused.

Then, Miss Middle shows wisdom beyond her years, which she has always had, saying, “I know why.  He’s already done it to her, so he’s moved on.”

Gulp.

“Yep, honey, I think you are right.  And, you want to make sure you marry a man who never acts like that dog.”

Be sure to read the other guest posts in my summer blogcation series!

• Why one mom can’t mind her own business in this parenting gig


• Grown up style S’mores with Kahlua and Cognac


• Connecting Over The Ordinary (why one mom said no to back-to-back summer camp)


• Drool worthy Piña Colada Popsicles