Momsomnia


Hubby snapped a picture of me as an exhausted new mother in August 2002. Yes that’s a dog and a baby in bed with me and you can see I’m passed out in my nursing bra. No I don’t recommend doing any of this but hubby was there as my spotter.


Young mothers who longingly desire nights of peaceful slumber as the holy grail of sanity? I’m here to burst your sweet dreams bubble.

Once your precious baby is sleeping through the night it is, for a short time at least, a slow cruise toward Snoozeville. Mastering the sleeping through the night milestone is nature’s way of making sure we don’t totally lose it from lack of sleep, because Lord knows we all need our sanity for the Terrible Twos. This dangling carrot of parenthood, however, eventually gets eaten by your own brain known as a disorder called momsomnia. This is a disorder that most typically affects parents of elementary school age kids.

Blame it on the end of year activities calendar on steroids. Blame it 40-something hormones. Blame it on that piece of dark chocolate you ate at 10 p.m. with a red wine chaser.

You can no longer remember the last time you slept through the night.

Your kids are well past the baby monitor and baby food days, but you’re once again not clocking in consecutive zzzzzs.

My endless Post It mental notes wake me up almost every night, or to be more precise, at 2 a.m.

This is a sampling of my stream of consciousness to do list during the end of school year crazies.

Did I sign that permission slip? Did we RSVP for that party? Did I miss that soccer tryout deadline? Did I pay for that field trip? Do I still owe the cafeteria two bucks? Do we have a dress down day this Friday or NEXT Friday? When am I supposed to bring snacks to school? Have I washed my hair this week? Who’s this guy in bed with me? (Ha…just checking to make sure you’re still reading. Simmer down.)

So here’s a little advice to all you young couples sans children.

SLEEP! Sleep like you’ve never slept before. Do not take sleep for granted. Some day you won’t be able to remember the last time you clocked in 8 consecutive hours of uninterrupted slumber and you’ll be a walking mom zombie, making turkey sandwiches and putting them in the bread bag with the rest of the loaf instead of into your kids’ lunch boxes.

Not that I’d ever do that.

When Sleeping Around Goes To The Dogs

Tuesday night was one of those “Please God let me get some sleep sort of nights.” Suddenly my girls are no longer babies, know the words to Lady Gaga Telephone, and are as adept at accessorizing as a Kardashian. Your kids get older and you think you’re off the hook as far as midnight feedings but then you conveniently forget that your dogs are getting older, too, and occasionally need to pee. Outside. And they can’t go out the dog door any more. Therein lies a problem. Welcome to midnight peeings.

This is a rough timeline of how the night went. If you’re considering getting a puppy for Christmas, just remember they grow up to be old and not in that cute Betty White sort of way.

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Wake Up In The Morning Not Feeling Like P. Diddy, Not That I’m Bitter Or Anything

I like to think of myself as fairly laid back but there is a strain of high strung woman gene that runs through my family and every once in a while it rebels because I try to suppress it and I usually have trouble sleeping when the high strung woman gene gets antsy.

I’m a light sleeper, so usually if one of the girls wakes in the night (which thankfully is not very often now that they’re older) or one of the dogs gets up? I’m up.

The one time I’m guaranteed a fitful night’s sleep is when there are thunderstorms and, of course, it’s the season for stormy weather. Miss A could sleep through anything, but Miss C usually wakes up if it thunders in the night and Bailey, our neurotic senile 12 1/2 year old dog, reacts to severe weather by pacing and panting like she’s about to give birth to a 13-pound cat.

I guess what I’m trying to say is it looks like I’m going to be screwed in the sleep department this weekend.

Look at the forecast:


Anyone got an Ambien?

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