It starts innocently enough until the day they ask you to take them to Sephora….
Makeover
August 19, 2010 By 5 Comments
Sending My Next Liquor Store Receipt To Billy Ray
June 9, 2009 By 13 Comments
I am the polar opposite of crafty but Sunday afternoon while the hubby and Miss C were out for a walk, a very whiny Miss A seemed pacified by the offer to open and play with a Hannah Montana jewelry making set that Miss C received for her birthday.
Good times with charms and chains ya’ll!
We sat down at the kitchen table and I noticed the box said this fine crafting activity was appropriate for children ages 6 and up. This was a craft that even I could handle. I would help Miss A create a jewelry masterpiece. She chose a large guitar charm and two smaller heart charms to add to a silver chain.
A half hour later and many expletives voiced in my head I had managed to break my index finger nail and get ONE FLIPPIN’ CHARM on the mother flippin’ necklace. I even rummaged around in my makeup bag for my tweezers that I use for that occasional wild hair I get on my chin. Ahem. I apparently have incredibly non-nimble fingers as I couldn’t get the tiny charms fastened on to the tiny blankety blank chain.
I finally told Miss A that mommy just couldn’t get the charms to go on the chain but I convinced her that the singular pink heart charm with Miss Cyrus’s picture on it that I’d managed to fasten to the chain was a beautiful necklace. Miss A proceeded to do the super pout and shuffled her feet as she plopped on the couch wearing her sad, sad jewelry handcrafted in lameness by mommy.
And then the damn charm FELL OFF.
And that is the end of my adventures in jewelry making mother/daughter bonding time because no child’s craft set should make you want to shoot tequila.
My Achy Breaky Ears
June 9, 2008 By 18 Comments
We survived Miss C’s weekend of partying and I came out on the other side of the weekend fairly unscathed, having only stepped on one of 249 plastic microscopic toys now residing at our house.
I jumped on the Achy Breaky Daddy Billy Ray Bandwagon and made Hannah Montana theme invitations for her junior So You Think You Can Dance fiesta. Why I felt the need to encourage my girls to sing the two Hannah Montana songs they know over and over and over again at the top of their lungs for the past few weeks, I don’t know. Actually the girls don’t even know the actual words to the songs, but just the hook of each song. Oh yes it’s adorable the first 25 times Miss A belts out “You’ve got the best of both wields” on the way to the grocery store. Miss A throws us off constantly with her New England accent.
I used my mad photo manipulatressing skills and plopped Miss C’s head on Hannah Montana’s body for the invitations. This was a big hit, let me tell you, with parents and kids alike, although my mother e-mailed it to some friends and I think one of the elderly ladies actually thought it really was Miss C.
As six-year-old girls are all over the girly girl chart, the actual cake and decorations were not Hannah Montana, but Tinkerbelle, and the party hats were princess theme. We had the party at a local dance studio, and the girls learned some slick dance moves to “Pumpin’ Up the Party,” otherwise known as “The Song Permanently Etched In My Brain.”
I learned a few things that I will categorize under “Birthday Parties For Six-Year-Olds For Dummies:”
Never bring one flavor of Capri Suns to serve at a party. I naively assumed that lemonade would be the international choice for the 5 to 7-year-old age range, but I was wrong and two girls looked at me as if I was offering them hot V8 juice from a rusty can. They ended up drinking tap water from Lion King Dixie cups. Seems like they were on the losing end for not wanting to be thrill seekers. Come on girls, live it up!
Balloons are great ice breakers. Just make sure that there is one for every girl, or tears will be shed.
You can use a beach bag as a gift bag and the parent’s of the birthday child will love your creativity. We really needed another beach bag, too.
Be prepared for girls to ask you for seconds of everything, including the hats, drinks, cake, and goody bags.
The chicken dance and electric slide are guaranteed to get every child on their feet, while the adults reminisce about the last time they drank too much champagne at a wedding reception.
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