Now that I’m a parent of a 2nd grader I thought I’d share some fashion trends to avoid wearing to your child’s school unless you want to be labeled a Cougar, especially if you’re around age 40 like me.

Once the holidays hit you can pretty well assume other parents have labeled whether you’re a cougar of the carpool lane or not, and you can wear whatever you darn well please, room moms be damned. Just be sure to never wear pants with writing on the bottom as that is never acceptable at any age.

Strapless anything. Save this for your next Moms Gone Wild bunco night! Actually I kind of like this top but I think the last time I wore anything strapless was my wedding night. Yes I am practical. It’s not like I’m wearing velour jogging suits. Yet.

Stilettos. You’re going to need to be quick on your feet to get you and your kids and their bulky backpacks and lunch boxes in and out of the carpool lane as fast as humanly possible before the whistle’s blown to move ‘em on out so wear stylish, but comfortable, shoes. I am admittedly practical when it comes to footwear, although I have yet to buy a pair of Danskos. I would seriously injure myself if I attempted to get in and out of my car in these babies, though, in any state of grace. It wouldn’t be a pretty sight.

Daisy Duke wear. Anything channeling Daisy Duke or Jessica Simpson playing Daisy Duke is not good. Polka dots as a general rule are a bad choice unless you’re 18 months old and wearing a diaper or you work at Disney World.

Short shorts. I don’t care how much money you’ve spent on spray tanning and laser touch ups and personal training sessions with Finn this summer, short shorts are not good. I found these on a website selling for $172 and no I am not joking. (Pair of scissors to a pair of jeans anyone?)

Liquid leggings. These are just plain impractical, unless you don’t have to breathe for long stretches of time while sitting in the car. Plus if you sneak a bag of Cheetos at lunch, well everyone will know.

Booty call beach wear. You may have a killer tan left over from your trip to Florida over Labor Day weekend that I, queen of freckling, covets, but you might want to hold off on the outfits better suited for Cabo unless your kids go to Cabo Elementary or you are a Victoria’s Secret model.

Short short rompers. Shorty zip up rompers are probably best left to, well, not me.

I hope these friendly fashion tips help all you moms age 40 and older avoid looking like a Cougar and fueling any nasty rumors at the next PTO meeting. If you’ve already committed a few of these Cougar fashion crimes, you can always order a Quacker Factory sweater for your child’s holiday party in December.

Instant antidote to Cougar-dom: the teddy bear holiday sweater. Bonus points if it lights up. Triple points if you have light up earrings or a light up pin that plays Jingle Bells.

Disclosure: Amazon affiliate link used.