When You Least Expect It

Yesterday was the final day of the holiday school break for Miss C, otherwise known as “Ha, ha parents! You must deal with another Monday ALL ON YOUR OWN suckahs!” We were all a little worn for wear, like the back of your neck when you can’t quite get the itchy tag shirt to stop annoying you.

Miss C had her first dance class of the year and despite the fact that I read every book to be found in the waiting area to her, Miss A grew increasingly grumpy. She was that end of day weary 3-year-olds get that you don’t dare verbally acknowledge unless you want to be accosted with, “I am NOT tired Mommy!”

Finally class ended and we stood peering into the classroom through the observation window while all the little pony-tailed dancers in a blur of pink waited for a sticker from the instructor. And then Miss A officially lost it. “I want a sticker mommy, I want a sticker” I told her I would give her a sticker when we got home, but that didn’t pacify her one bit.

Miss C walked out just as Miss A flung herself to the floor in a heap of frustration and when I explained what was going on, Miss C didn’t hesitate to run back into the dance studio and ask her teacher if she could please have a fairy sticker for her little sister.

I was so proud of Miss C it made up for the numerous spats they got into over the holidays. That is, until we got in the car and they started fighting in the car on the way home.

Like Jerry Springer, Minus The Flying Hair Extensions And F Bombs

We’ve entered a new phase of parenting, and it’s not an especially helpful or cute phase that you want to scrapbook like “my children will fetch me a cold drink from the refrigerator” or “my children will scratch my back on demand.”

It’s incessant fighting and I don’t like it one bit.

I’m just not sure how to handle it without losing my own temper. Perhaps it’s because I never experienced this as a child, being considerably younger than my older siblings. Perhaps it’s because I have two girls. Perhaps it’s just bad luck. Perhaps it’s because we’re all spiking estrogen at the same time and the moon is in retrograde and I have an invisible mental “kick me” mama sticker on my forehead, only visible to my daughters.

Whatever it is? Stinks.

Lately Miss C and Miss A can’t be around each other for more than 30 minutes without a “GIVE ME THAT!” or “THAT’S MINE!”

It’s turned my ability to carry on a normal telephone conversation into a bad episode of Roseanne. Who knew I had an inner redneck woman just waiting to rear her ugly head every time I yell, “STOP IT RIGHT NOW GEHWEUEEEERRRRRRAAAAAGFGGGGHHHHHH!” and have the urge to smash an ice cold can of Bud on my forehead.

Today I’ve been at home with both girls as Miss A has a low grade fever. The day has been riddled with various snits and spats.

My ability to even type out this post is brought to you by overindulgence in Sponge Bob.

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