I’ve been looking for a new bathing suit, one that doesn’t scream momkini or cougar in training.

Not a lot of fun, really. I would honestly pay someone to bring bathing suits to me so I could try them on in the comfort of my own home and my own pleasant lighting pitch dark in the peace and quiet of my locked bathroom. I also hate trying to choose a bathing suit online because there’s the whole ordering and trying on and returning process if it doesn’t work out.

Good times with crotch sanitizer strip thingys and removable breast pads!

Any way, it’s taken me a long time to determine that I look best in a bathing suit that has a halter type top that ties behind my neck and I’ve been looking for one and I found a possible winner the other day.

NOT.

Why would anyone want to stroll down the beach while buffalo roam on their boobs or anywhere on their body FOR THAT MATTER?

Or do people wear buffalo bikini tops (that cost $70 thank you very much) with weird black suspender pants out on the prairie?

I am fairly certain the Pioneer Woman sure as heck doesn’t.