My mom watched Miss C after Vacation Bible School yesterday while Miss A was at daycare (she had a fine morning yesterday as opposed to Wednesday when I thought we’d both spontaneously combust from stress during the short drive to daycare). I needed to run to the grocery and I had something to return to TJ Maxx and a birthday gift to buy.

I walked in TJ Maxx and my retail radar honed in on some laptop bags in a cool Asian print fabric that had just been unboxed and weren’t even priced yet. I just went on a business trip and I carried my Sony laptop in the equivalent of a brown paper sack–a cumbersome (i.e. ugly) black utilitarian laptop bag–so I nearly tripped over myself to look at these pretty bags. I reeled myself back to reality, because I don’t travel that often for work or with my laptop, but I did file them away as pay day is Monday and I’m going to come up with some dire reason I need a fashionable laptop bag, so help me God, even if I use it to transport a turkey sandwich to my office.

Back when the hubby and I were DINKS (Dual Income, No Kids), I would hit our local TJ Maxx every Thursday after work when their weekly shipment of discount designer goodness was delivered. The hubby always knew where to find me if I didn’t come straight home from work. Either that or he may have suspected I was having an affair and I was just running up my debit card to buy yet another discount designer sweater to cover the whole sordid thing up.

I’ve definitely put my inner shopaholic on the backburner the last few years. If you have two children enrolled in full-time daycare (or private school for that matter), you can probably relate to the budget crunch. Frivolous “just because” shopping doesn’t happen much any more. There are diapers to buy and mortgage payments to make, refrigerators go belly up while you’re enjoying yourselves at the beach, and unexpected boob MRIs take precedent over those hot pink wedge sandals that you would have bought in a heartbeat pre-kids. Instead, you tend to run around in Target sandals you bought on clearance and a pair of $12.99 Old Navy capri jeans with some unidentified stain on the knee and a black t-shirt.

With only six more weeks of double daycare left, I find myself counting the days when our budget isn’t squeezed quite as tight and I can buy a new laptop case and not equate the money spent to the number of diapers I could have bought (in this case, about two cases of generic Publix size 4 diapers.) Ahem.

Warning: This post is oozing with girliness and you may find it revolting. But I want to win this freakin’ tutu.

I saw this 5 Minutes for Mom fantasy tutu contest promoted at Island Life and I cannot resist these tutus! Especially with a soon to be 5-year-old who may soon be breaking in her first pair of ballet slippers. (If mama will stop procrastinating and register her for classes.) I think most little girls go through a ballerina stage and pretty much anything to distract my girls from the Bratz sensation is cool with me. And frankly it wouldn’t be so bad to add a little more girliness around here since we brought home a burping Shrek doll from McDonald’s. (Read on …)

I’m in love with our shiny new neighborhood Publix. Not only am I always asked, with heartfelt sincerity, if I need help out with my groceries, but all the employees are friendly, unlike Kroger where everyone seems to be about 10 minutes overdue for their smoke break.

Yesterday when I was checking out and secretly praying that Amelia would stay in the cart for just 30 more seconds, the clerk asked to see my ID for the six pack of Blue Moon beer I was buying. He looked at my birth date on the front of my driver’s license and said, “Well, I would never guess that. I really thought you were under 30.” (I’ll be 38 in August.)

And thus, my unabashed love for Publix was sealed. Forever.

I’ve already admitted I stalk houses online, so I might as well tell you about my home decorating, home organizing addiction. And no, unfortunately, this does not mean that our house is straight from the parade of homes.

I’m starting a new work schedule in two weeks that will enable me to work from home a lot more (as in half my 32-hour work week…can I get a yee haw!?!) and the thought of being home that much has spun me into a spruce up the house, spring cleaning frenzy. When we bought our house we painted, ripped up carpets, cleaned, and scrubbed and I spent most of my free time ridding it of that late 80s, sponge painting gone bad, blue and mauve melange. And then we started a family and I just kind of lost the urge, not to mention we ran out of truly having free time on the weekends and we started paying double daycare last spring. Now that will crimp your house pimpin’ budget.

Our home decor is pretty traditional, but I’m wanting to add some more “funk” for lack of a better word. I found some fun things on the Internet Saturday night while the hubby worked downstairs (this is how we partied late on Cinco de Mayo…no tequila shots for us!):

• Mrs. Flinger’s best girlfriends threw her a baby shower and they painted these cute custom canvases for the baby’s room and for big sister LB’s room.
• If Caitlin could see how Oh My Stinkin’ Heck has decorated her daughters’ cute bedroom she would have an absolute fit. Caitlin has already informed me she wants rainbow painted walls. I love how Oh My Stinkin’ Heck took a Pottery Barn Teens idea and made it her own. Oh sure, it looks easy but you don’t know how much I fear stencils.
• I am also loving this modular carpet tile. A rug made from modular carpet would be cool if we ever decided to install hardwoods in our den.
• I like these fabric wrapped canvases on eBay. They’re pretty groovy, if I do say so myself.
• And lastly, I know almost everyone in the world reads Dooce, but I’ll admit that this photo of the new Dooce headquarters makes me want to run to the flea market, buy some funky retro glassware, and fix myself a pitcher of fresh squeezed lemonade. Every day. The jungle theme free plastic cups I bring home for the girls from our local pizza place don’t exactly scream “urban chic.”

Now, I wonder if I start sleeping with Southern Living under my pillow if I’ll wake up to a clean, organized, beautifully decorated home?

Our 10th wedding anniversary is later this week, which inspired me to do some much needed shopping. You know, because shopping is a necessity. A few weeks ago I clicked on Victoria’s Secret’s website. Being the boring practical girl that I am, I navigated to the clearance panty section first as I am in dire need of new underdrawers. I looked at the cotton panties first. I’ll be 40 in a few years so I think my private parts need as much breathable fabric as possible. The only thing available in the clearance section were striped fabrics and winter motifs. Nothing says happy 10 years of wedded bliss to your husband like showcasing your 37-year-old rear end in a pair of gray cotton bikini briefs with fuschia snow flakes and Snow Bunny emblazoned across your butt cheeks. Not to mention it’s May.

Much like the rings in a tree can be used to determine how old it is, you can tell when I became a mother by excavating my panty drawer and tracking the noticeable shift from sexy and silky to practical and cotton. These days I primarily wear cotton bikini briefs, although there were those white cotton high waisted granny panties my mom bought for my post-partum, “OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO MY ABS?” period after having Amelia two years ago. Thankfully the extreme granny underdrawers were way too big once I lost most of my pregnancy weight. Although they would have made excellent dust cloths, to the landfill they went.

Any way I’m definitely thinking of starting a petition to rename the 10th anniversary The Panty Anniversary, because after 10 years of marriage and gaining and then losing close to 70 pounds total (not each time, thank God) during two pregnancies, you definitely need a full panty makeover.

The days of the fashion forward kindergartener are over. Our county just passed a standard dress code for all children attending public school, K-12, beginning this fall. Caitlin’s standard dress code will be solid khaki, navy, or black pants, skirts, and shorts with solid collared shirts.

I’m somewhat on the fence with this new ruling, although I know a lot of students and parents are outraged. On the one hand, the timing of it, for us any way, couldn’t be better as Caitlin will grow up with this new rule, never having known the glorious feeling of stepping out in a brand new blinged out Hello Kitty track suit from the mall, complete with matching hair accessories, socks, shoes, and lip gloss. On the other hand, if I were a student, especially a junior high or high school age student, I’d be completely irate. I mean, there’s only so much individualism you can voice with khaki. But it will be a treat for Caitlin wear regular clothes at night and on the weekends…you know when we break out the matching Gymboree family ensembles to go to the grocery store.

The hubby points out that when he was in junior high, Ocean Pacific (”OP”) was all the rage. His mom and dad refused to fork out money to buy trendy clothes and he was forced to wear OP knock offs and he had but one glorious OP shirt. I’m sure his male classmates who made fun of him are all now 50 pounds overweight, bald, divorced, and selling used travel trailers, but that’s beside the point. I do recall a time in high school when I spent every penny shopping at the mall. There were some hideous fashion choices, like the overpriced Coca Cola sweatshirt I just had to have and the Jordache velcro shoes, but that’s beside the point, too.

Call me a shallow, fashion driven girly girl but I was looking forward to taking Caitlin shopping for back to school clothes this summer as she embarks on that great adventure called school. Now it will be a challenge to find the cutest nondescript navy polo within a 60-mile radius. Basically her daycare wardrobe has consisted of Tar-jay specials, consignment store loot, and hand-me-downs from my neighbor’s daughter. Now I get to pump her up about shopping for button downs and jumpers devoid of any Hello Kitty, Barbie, or My Little Pony motif. Wait a minute, maybe we could get away with a tiny ankle tattoo.

I am still up to the challenge of back-to-school shopping as I have a family fashion torch to pass on to my girls. You see, in my 8th grade yearbook I was dubbed “Neatest Dressed” (back in 1983 they apparently thought “Best Dressed” wasn’t PC enough.)

So what do you think about standard dress codes for public schools? Is it a bunch of BS? Will it really help students stay on course and focus on learning or is it just going to create a nationwide rebellion, a la Footloose, where every kid under the age of 18 slips into their street clothes the second the school bell rings? Will khaki bonfires become a rite of passage for kids graduation night?

Dear Neighborhood Wal-Hell:

Against my better judgment I decided to take my girls, both under age 5 and under the influence of no nap, to your lovely store Sunday. The Wal-Hell near my office is much nicer, but this location is closer. Entering this particular store is always a little nerve wracking and I’m surprised there aren’t bars on the windows. Wait a minute, there are no windows.

I had a birthday present to exchange, we were fresh out of diapers, and there was nothing to eat for dinner except for canned albacore tuna and some questionably old vegetable soup in the freezer. I tossed a cereal bar and some Smarties in my purse and we were good to go.

I knew it was going to be an interesting adventure when Caitlin whooped her “Mommy I have to GO POTTTTEEEEE” war cry about ten minutes into our shopping trip. However, I was most appreciative of the free Pringles samples awaiting us at the end of aisle 10 since Caitlin didn’t want to eat hers and handed them to me. And the supernatural speedy experience in customer service was a bonus! I could have taken my ten dollar bill and change and run for the hills, or the new super Tarjay right up the road, but I didn’t want to drag the girls back out to the car.

I’m sorry about the bottle of water Amelia poured on the floor in the children’s clothing department but I had to break open the marked-down St. Patrick’s Day cookies and she was thirsty. Apparently she only needed two sips of water, though, since she poured the rest of it out.

I’m not sorry, however, that the girls and I ended up trying on the oversized gag leprechaun hats from the St. Patrick’s Day display and danced like village idiots in the checkout line, much to the amusement of everyone in the store, because after waiting a good 20 minutes in the world’s slowest freaking checkout lane, frankly I wanted a real life leprechaun and a mug of Irish ale to keep me pacified. And maybe a rainbow with a pot of gold at the end of it. Or maybe just a Wal-Hell gift card since we’ll be out of diapers again soon as my 2-year-old has squeezed two droplets of pee in her baby potty since December and would apparently rather pee in her diaper and have mama wipe her butt.

Any way, I was indeed impressed that I spent just a little over a hundred dollars and came home with bags and bags of Wal-Hell goodness. And I didn’t even use any coupons.

Love, A Suburban Mother Who Loves to Live on the Edge

p.s. I did appreciate the slower than dirt clerk marking down all my ground chuck packages when only two were discounted. And she was very sweet, even though Amelia was going bonkers and I let her dismantle play with all the blinking Disney ink pens in the impulse purchase section near the cash register. So in a nutshell…cheap meat and cheap diapers. That’s enough to keep me occasionally coming back to Wal-Hell. Well, that and the cute George brand children’s clothing.

Speaking of Wal-Hell, I just read a hilarious post by Here in Idaho about “the greatest show on Earth.”

National collection week for Operation Christmas Child starts today people! I read about this cause on Want Not a few weeks ago. I’ve been kind of searching for a holiday charitable project that we could do as a family and I think this is a good one.

I also heard about Shop NOLA on NPR a few weeks ago in a rare moment when I was not listening to a cheesie Fisher Price freebie kids CD in the car. You may want to check out the New Orleans based retailers for cool holiday gift ideas and help support New Orleans revitalization at the same. Shopping that is charitable. Wahoo! It can’t get any better than that. This bracelet is very cool. And check out these chocolates. These soaps are really nice as is this awesome prayer/wish box bracelet, made by a New Orleans artist.

Here’s a holiday tip for you. Go ahead and buy your holiday card stamps online now from the post office. Believe me, you’ll thank me. I’m always foraging around my office and practically begging my co-workers for a single 39 cent stamp so the thought of standing in a long line in late December waiting to buy stamps makes me want to break out in hives.

p.s. None of these places contacted me to promote them or their cause. I just thought I’d share the link love and my online shopping addiction. And have you started your shopping yet? Nope, me neither.