Paradise Breeze For A Buck


Photo by D Sharon Pruitt, Pink Sherbet Photography, (free Creative Commons license)


Generally speaking taking kids grocery shopping gets easier as they get older, although the nice thing about babies is they are self-contained little creatures who can’t run off the second they see the seasonal gotcha aisle of the month (“MOM…! Look at the candy! MOM…I NEED this water gun!”)


I do sometimes miss the get the heck in, get the heck out pre-kids days of ninja grocery shopping and let’s not even talk about how having school-age children opens up entire chasms in awkward parenting conversations thanks to the checkout line gossip magazines. Recently my 9-year-old, Miss C, waved a glossy magazine at me and read the cover headline, “How Teen Mom Ruined My Life.” I scraped out of that with a brief, “Yes, teenagers should NOT be parents.” Satisfied with my response, she dropped the topic after this sage remark, “Yeah mom, teenagers shouldn’t be parents…they’re too busy wanting to hang out with their friends!”


Whew.


Mom: 1. Entertainment rag: ZERO.


A few days ago I had to practically drag the girls to the store with me and I promised them I only needed to buy two things so I guess grocery shopping with me isn’t exactly fun and games for them, either.


I took a short cut through the home cleaning aisle on the way to grab milk with them trailing behind but they both stopped immediately in their tracks to gaze lovingly at the rows and rows of air fresheners.


Yes, air fresheners.

The girls were grabbing air fresheners off the shelves and sniffing them like they were artisan hand-dipped soy candles on Oprah’s favorite things list, when, in fact, they were just Renuzit air fresheners for a buck.

It takes very little to entertain my kids apparently.

They practically begged me to buy them each an air freshener for their rooms so I told them I was fine with getting them each one but that if they saw something else for a dollar I’d get that instead.

They professed their love for the air fresheners and tossed them joyfully into the cart.

Their rooms now smell like paradise breeze, which I must admit is better than African Dwarf Frog (Miss A’s room) or I Will Survive Because I have a Stripper Name Hermit Crab (Miss C’s room.)

Let’s not talk about what their unbridled glee over air fresheners says about my housekeeping skills.

Baby You Can Drive My Car, Not That You’d Want To Be Caught Dead In It

I remember a time, pre-kids, when I’d spend considerable effort making my car showroom worthy, breaking out the Armor All, vacuuming, and sometimes even going a little crazy and splurging on new car scent air freshener.

These days, unfortunately, my car is a utilitarian beast that takes a licking and keeps on driving. I’m just doing good to not run out of gas. Detail my car? Pshaw! I need to shave my legs people. The last thing I am worried about is the condition of my car’s interior. Until last week.

Last weekend while I was out of town the hubby drove my SUV. I have a four-door and he has a two-door, so mine is a bit roomier which is nice for driving the girls and all their gear around.

Normally I wouldn’t necessarily clean out my car for him, but it dawned on me that he’d be driving me and a blogger friend to the airport and suddenly I saw my car in the harsh cruel light of reality. It was like trying on Spanx in January in front of a full-length mirror.

When did the interior of my car become like the bottom of my purse? A crumb-filled knapsack on wheels filled with everything from rolling soccer balls to unclaimed socks and various and sundry trash items that a crafty MacGyver type could fashion into a funky Mother’s Day corsage. I knew my friend wouldn’t care about the condition of my car since she’s a mom but let’s face it, my car was overdue for a spring cleaning.

The night before my trip I had a million errands to run and I did the last minute tango of desperation at the local car wash with the super suction vacuum. I tossed all loose items in the back and then proceeded to vacuum up gnawed on sucker sticks, wrappers, and some brown unidentifiable dried substance melted on to the back seat cushion that was once Raisinettes.

At least that’s what I’m telling myself it was.

As The Wine [Does Not] Flow

Last Saturday, in an effort to detox from the holidays, I decided to forego all alchol for the remainder of the month.

Wine Glass

(See also digital scales flashing RUH ROH at me instead of numbers.)

I may have picked a really bad week to quit drinking wine.

Nashville Weather Forecast

It’s looking like no school tomorrow and possibly Friday, which means being snowed in with two kids and two dogs and a karaoke machine and a Hungry Hungry Hippos game (i.e. the loudest freaking board game on the planet) and me wanting a glass of wine by 5 o’clock noon.

Mr. Bill

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