A Short Woman Walks Into a Dressing Room With 35 Pairs of Jeans

So I will let ya’ll in on something. I’m in shortness denial. My driver’s license says I’m 5 ft. 2 but in reality I’m more like 5 ft. 1. This really hit home at a holiday party last week when I opted to wear boots and not heels and everyone was towering over me. My 13-year-old is taller than me!

Do you know what it’s like to buy jeans when you are this short? Let me tell you. When you find a pair that fits you and aren’t a foot too long you rejoice. Rejoice I tell you. You also run to the checkout line and take about 25 selfies of you in your kickin’ new jeans. You are a new woman in the right pair of jeans. You can do anything! Can you tell I love to wear jeans?

I love buying jeans at thrift stores (Goodwill is my fave.) I can find a huge assortment of brands and I also don’t feel like the store employees are judging me and my mountain of denim I wheel into the dressing room.

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My current favorite pair of jeans are Jessica Simpson Kiss Me jeggings (and yes these were a thrift store find but you can find them on Amazon or at Macy’s.)


Here is my inner dialogue with jeans in the dressing room. Add extra commentary because I am also over 40. Just call me the denim whisperer. Only sometimes I am screaming at the pairs of jeans.

“OH God no. Yuck.” This typically happens when muffin top spillage happens.

“LORD help me.” Too tight. Booty had me like “whoa.”

“Who can possibly wear these? My butt’s not THAT big.” This is when the jeans don’t go over the hips.

HELL no.” Wrong, just wrong, on all counts. Muffin top spillage, a foot too long, too tight, camel toe. Just no.

“YES YES YES!” The perfect pair has been found.

I don’t think men have this problem. My husband, for example, will find one brand and stick with it forever. Women, however, are forever in search of that perfect pair of jeans. It’s the holy grail of denim.  It also doesn’t help that the fashion industry likes to mess with us and changes jean styles every season. We finally find the perfect pair of jeans and six weeks later that style is no longer “in.” One year it’s jeggings, another year it’s boyfriend jeans, another season it’s all about boot cut, and now high-waisted jeans are back in style.

Personally I love jeans with a little bit of lycra in them. And rumor has it that God created lycra on the 8th day because he knew that moms still wanted to look hot in jeans, no matter what style is in.

 

2 comments

  1. Judy Miller says:

    I feel your pain. Kinda. I’m 5’11” with no butt and very skinny long legs. If I find a pair of jeans that fit my waist, and 34” inseam, they look like clown pants around the hip/thigh area. Yes—we are women on a mission

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