Bad Hair Days,  Love & Marriage,  Our Mutts

When Sleeping Around Goes To The Dogs

Tuesday night was one of those “Please God let me get some sleep sort of nights.” Suddenly my girls are no longer babies, know the words to Lady Gaga Telephone, and are as adept at accessorizing as a Kardashian. Your kids get older and you think you’re off the hook as far as midnight feedings but then you conveniently forget that your dogs are getting older, too, and occasionally need to pee. Outside. And they can’t go out the dog door any more. Therein lies a problem. Welcome to midnight peeings.

This is a rough timeline of how the night went. If you’re considering getting a puppy for Christmas, just remember they grow up to be old and not in that cute Betty White sort of way.

1:52 a.m. I hear a bark. I ignore it. I hear it again. I remember that the hubby last let Bailey, our 13-year-old arthritic Corgi/German Shepherd mix, out two nights ago at an ungodly hour, so I roll my eyes, roll out of bed, and sleep walk into the den and down the four steps into our office slash bonus room to let her out the back door.

1:54 a.m. Yawn. Where IS that #$%@ dog?

1:55 a.m. I hear clicking from upstairs, the evil maniacal clicking of a dog on our hardwood floors. A dog who has fooled me and is now headed down the hall and into our bedroom, where she is forbidden from sleeping because of her old lady nocturnal dog grooming habits. Side note: I need earplugs and she needs a doggy mani/pedi.

1:57 a.m. “Mom!” I hear Miss C calling for me. She’s inherited my light sleeper gene, bless her heart.

1:58 a.m. I crawl into bed with Miss C. She’s nearly up to my shoulders now height wise so cuddling with her is like cuddling with a lanky 8-year-old. Which she is!

2:12 a.m. Miss C is finally asleep so I sneak back into bed with the hubby.

2:15 a.m. Hubby starts snoring.

2:25 a.m. Still snoring. I do that closed-eyed long-armed slap maneuver until he rolls over.

2:35 a.m. Still awake. I grab my pillow and slog over to Miss C’s room.

2:50 a.m. I am on the brink of blissful slumber when Miss C stretches and smacks me in the face.

2:52 a.m. I go back again to my bed. Struggle to get comfortable due to joint issues. Awesome.

3:00 a.m. Snoring.

3:10 a.m. Tuning out, unsuccessfully, scratching and licking and other unpleasantries of life with a 13-year-old dog.

3:15 a.m. I decide to shoot our dog.

3:20 Kidding!

4:00 a.m. I give up. Sleep is overrated.

4:20 a.m. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I'm Jamie, a 50-year-old Nashville working mom desperately seeking a few moments of Zen and zinfandel. I love to travel, find great deals, and talk with my hands. My husband and I have two daughters, three dogs, one cat and too much laundry. Email me at blondemomblog @ gmail.com.

8 Comments

  • Sky

    Somewhat sounds like our house. Only, our dog sleeps with us – don’t judge, she loves to sleep under the covers and is an excellent way to keep my feet warm! Well, occasionally, my 3 year old will come into our room, Lucy (the dog) will hear her heading in and get up to go lay in the spot that Paige usually does. Paige will then have to coax Lucy back under the covers and meanwhile my pretending to sleep isn’t happening, so I go upstairs and watch TV.

    Oh the joys!

  • Tabor

    I have been there more times than I care to remember. The only problem is when you get to your 60’s (I know, close your mouth, it WILL happen) you find falling asleep just as difficult, sans dog, sans kids, but not sans hubby snoring.

  • Rebecca

    How funny is it that I just happened to read this at 2:58am! I can’t sleep because my 8 year old daughter is in my bed (hubs is gone for work) and she is kicking the covers off every 5 minutes, my 18 lb. cat is crowding me out on the bottom of my bed, my dog is sleeping in our room and smacking his lips loudly, and I’m thinking about all of the Christmas related things I need to do. Thanks for making me smile and I’m going back to bed 🙂

  • Jamie

    We did the puppy thing last Christmas. The months of January and February about killed me. The coldest winter on record and I’m out with the flippin puppy. Thank goodness he’s a dear 13 month old now. Can’t live with them—can’t live without them.

  • Leah Walker

    Haha, people overpost Lol, including myself, but that actually mad me laugh out loud. We have three indoor dogs. One is under a year and refuses to be house broken. So not only do I get up with him all night long, I also have to clean up his messes in the house. I can completely relate to this story. I also have a snoring hubby who can sleep through anything and a 15 year old daughter who has quickly learned to sleep with her door shut. Lol. I don’t remember the last really good sleep I got. Good luck to you getting some.

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