This Is Your Brain, This Is Your Brain On PMS

Head out the door late with 7-year-old to pick up 4-year-old at daycare as hubby is down for the count with horrible sinus infection.

4-year-old has meltdown after struggling to buckle her seatbelt in dimly lit SUV and 7-year-old calling her baby.

Threaten children with the “NO COOKIE at Publix” decree.

Arrive at store quite befuddled as children bicker the entire way.

Realize upon walking across parking lot that you do not have the VERY CRITICAL chili recipe printout for the weekend and VERY CRITICAL grocery list as snow is in the forecast and so help me God what if we don’t have milk? You do have coupons, though, go figure.

Go back to car and rummage through various and sundry daycare and school and work papers tossed on to front passenger seat.

Yell at children to not wander off in parking lot without you.

Give up on finding recipe OR grocery list.

Enter store. Call husband to e-mail you VERY CRITICAL OR WE WILL SURELY STARVE THIS WEEKEND recipe.

Tell girls they might be able to have a cookie after shopping if “they are good.” Let them split a Sprite. Carbonated sugar on empty stomachs…you are mother of the year!

Refresh. Refresh. Refresh your damn iPhone waiting for recipe to come through. Realize you’ve been at store 10 minutes and you have peanut butter, a green pepper, and an onion in your cart.

Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Damn E-MAIL!

Finally get e-mail with VERY CRITICAL chili recipe. Gather ingredients.

Get to meat department which is wiped out apparently due to forecasted snow. Discuss cuts of meat with butcher. Spend WAY too much damn time OCDing over meat. (Minds out of gutter, please.)

Glance over at children. 4-year-old is climbing out of car cart that she is too freaking old to be in any way and accidentally dumps ALL your ever loving coupons out of your nifty new coupon organizer all over the floor.

Girls sense your displeasure. Perhaps it was the way you tossed your meat. (Again, minds out of gutter, please.)

Girls gather coupons which are all over the place.

Oh, hai! See a fellow mom from school.

Suddenly very aware of the fact that you are wearing black yoga pants and a t-shirt from your afternoon workout and haven’t washed your hair in two, OK three, days.

Say hello and joke about coupons all over floor and your attempt to be organized.  SO FUNNY.

Begin to flee store.

For some ungodly reason remember one more item. Head to back of store. 4-year-old insists on “helping” you and pushing behemoth car cart at a snail’s pace.

Lose patience.

Realize it’s after 6 and you are still in grocery and you still need to pick up takeout.

Head to check out.

7-year-old declares she must go to the bathroom and it can’t wait.

4-year-old runs after her and nearly gets knocked out as someone leaves the family restroom.

Chase after 4-year-old, wait for her to use restroom and wash her hands. This takes what feels like another 10 minutes.

4-year-old realizes she has never gotten a cookie.

Inform her no cookie. It is now almost 6:30 and no one has eaten dinner including your poor sick husband who had offered to go pick something up.

4-year-old cries and lays down on PUBLIC BATHROOM FLOOR OMG.

Somehow get out of the store and in car without anyone’s head imploding.

Clearly spot recipe and grocery list on floorboard.

The End.

39 comments

  1. turnitupmom says:

    Haven’t visited in a while. Ahhh…it’s over. Thank goodness God gives us fresh, new days to try it all over again. My daughter is just starting to potty train. I’m dreading that “I have to go potty” whine in the checkout.
    .-= turnitupmom´s last blog ..Farewell Blogger =-.

  2. Liz says:

    I am crying. This is the trip I FEARED this weekend and somehow got a great grocery store trip in. Huh. Maybe you got my trip?

  3. Amy says:

    UGH! This sounds just like my trips which is why I now run all errands AFTER hubby gets home. PMS or no PMS, I need silence when I grocery shop because I am easily distracted- ha!

  4. Jill says:

    OMG- totally me. FOR.EVER. losing paper. And never the crap paper. The important paper. BTW- bet you’re going to Blissdom, huh? I am not. It’s sold out – not that that would stop me. But, can only make it Friday afternoon, and by then I think it’s almost over. :o(

  5. Ann says:

    LOL… Man I hate those days! 🙂 Too funny… PMS can do some crazy things. We actually have a declared ‘wrath’ week in my house. My hubby even has a reminder set up on his mobile phone to warn him when it’s coming!! LOL
    .-= Ann´s last blog ..Attitude is Everything! =-.

    • autofinanzierung says:

      HEY GUYS I’M AN AFFILIATE OF GDI (GLOBAL DOMAIN INTERNATIONAL). THEY SALE DOMAIN NAMES AND HOSTING AT A CONBINED PRICE OF 10$/MONTH 1$ EXTRA TO PROTECT YOUR WHOIS INFORMATION AND AN ANNUAL MANTENANCE FEE OF 15$. THEY GIVE YOU AN ANFFILATE WEBSITE, WICH IS YOUR MAIN WEBSITE, IN WHICH YOU CAN MAKE MONEY FROM GETTING PEOPLE TO PURCHASE A DOMAIN NAME AND HOSTING FROM THEM IF THEY BECOME A MEMBER THROUGH YOUR WEBSITE. YOU CAN ALSO CREATE SUB DOMAIN WEBSITES THAT YOU CAN CUSTOMISE FOR YOUR

  6. Amy says:

    I promise I’m laughing with you, not at you!! Hey, I have taken Spawn of Satan to the store and spanked him in the parking lot in front of fellow chior member who was coming over to say hello!

  7. Jamie says:

    Wow PMS and grocery shopping hell with young children is a universal theme…who knew!

    Today was MUCHO mucho bettah. Hubby felt better, everyone was well, blah blah blah.

    The real kicker is that I’m not drinking this month…OK OK until either tomorrow or Saturday night. Decided the first weekend in January to detox since I’m dieting.

    Hmmmm maybe that exacerbated the PMS! GAH! 😉
    .-= Jamie´s last blog ..This Is Your Brain, This Is Your Brain On PMS =-.

  8. Stacia says:

    “PUBLIC BATHROOM FLOOR OMG”: I practically bathe my daughter in Purell when she does this. One day, she too will see all the nasty germs scrambling off the floor to get to her. Until then, we buy stock in Purell.
    .-= Stacia´s last blog ..I Stick, You Stick =-.

  9. Mary @ The Writer's Block says:

    You are absolutely hee-lar-eee-us I felt every single moment of frustration with you. Those are my shopping trips exactly, except when I’ve got all kids, I have three.

    Tonight, I made the snow pilgrimage to Kroger. I, too, left the grocery list at home and had the coupons. 😉 The popular sell-out at Kroger was ground beef and shredded cheese. NO shredded cheese anywhere.
    .-= Mary @ The Writer’s Block´s last blog ..Another Library Rant =-.

  10. Evan says:

    It’s just one of those days that make you taste the spice of life- hey, life would be boring if there ain’t a little adventure to it now, right? Glad they made it out alive on that one. 😀

  11. WorkingMom says:

    And Hubby wonders why there’s so much food in the pantry and freezer that we could go a month without a major shopping trip… or why I always ask him to stop for milk and bread when he’s on his way to meet me for the midday switch-off with the Baby. I’ve learned it’s a time warp thing when you have your kids with you – every 1 adult minute equals 12.7 kid minutes, so a 10 minute trip by yourself would need, say, 2 hours plus with kids!
    .-= WorkingMom´s last blog ..Who’s In Charge Here? =-.

  12. Jessica says:

    I have been reading your blog for months and love it, but this post is so fantastic. And I mean that in the most loving of ways! Like everyone else, I’ve BTDT, but what I love is that you never, for one moment, consider giving it up and leaving. I consider that every time I am in (insert name of pulic place) and have a similar experience. Glad you made it out alive, and won’t next time seem so much better?!

  13. Rebecca says:

    Thanks for the laugh! I can relate to that entire story!! I think I have post traumatic stress disorder every time I venture into a grocery store, without my children, d/t to the many disasters I’ve had in the past when they were younger. Have to say there are blessings to them getting older…:-)

  14. lissa says:

    shopping with kids is horrible and only works if bribery is used often and unsparingly. And mine are 10 and 7. I still have to yell to get them to stop chasing each other. I wish I could just lock them in the car with my iPod while I shpped.

  15. Katie says:

    OMG I have so been there & done that—its not fun so I totally feel your pain! Hee hee 🙂

    And I literally just dropped my darn coupons all over the aisle this weekend too—it was a mess. Ugh!

    Thanks for sharing though. I am glad to hear I am not alone w/ this one! LOL
    .-= Katie´s last blog ..Toyota Safety Recall =-.

  16. Ashley Bond says:

    And my husband wonders why I get so excited about going to the grocery store by myself!! I am just going to tell him to read this and maybe he will understand 🙂
    .-= Ashley Bond´s last blog ..Baby fever =-.

  17. Leisa Hammett says:

    Funny. I thought of you the other day when I was in said grocery and hadn’t washed my hair for several days AFTER the snow. (I didn’t think of you bc I had not washed my hair.)

    I’m here to confess my own cyclic rage, adding, PMS and AUTISM and shoe SHOPPING do not mix, as I learned long ago and told off an entire Striderite store and told them to stop staring at us! I was hell-bent on getting Grace some new shoes (not a superfluous pair. A one of two pair.) She’s hungry and starts to fit when this innocent wide-eyed little girl, much younger than Grace, sitting across from us, says to her daddy: “She’s being bad.” All hormones spew loose and I yell: “SHE IS NOT BEING BAD! SHE HAS AUTISM AND WILL EVERYONE QUIT STARING AT US?!” The clerk cuts me very suspicious and half-cowled looks as she rings up our total. Moments earlier, after I finished my diatribe, the father, his head lowered, his eyes looking up at me beneath his nicely trimmed brows, piss-ily glares with this, “Lady, you’re insane!” look. So, yeah. I know. Firsthand. PMS? And Autism. AND shoe SHOPPING…Do. Not. Mix! Enjoyed ur story!
    .-= Leisa Hammett´s last blog ..HBO’s Temple Grandin: A Review =-.

  18. Sheila B says:

    That brought back so many memories for me. I almost miss shopping with two kids in tow (I said almost) and all the chaos.Enjoy it ,because before you can blink they will be adults .This made me think of something my MIL used to tell me “When they are little, they step on your toes but when they are big,they step on your heart!”

Leave a Reply