Head out the door late with 7-year-old to pick up 4-year-old at daycare as hubby is down for the count with horrible sinus infection.
4-year-old has meltdown after struggling to buckle her seatbelt in dimly lit SUV and 7-year-old calling her baby.
Threaten children with the “NO COOKIE at Publix” decree.
Arrive at store quite befuddled as children bicker the entire way.
Realize upon walking across parking lot that you do not have the VERY CRITICAL chili recipe printout for the weekend and VERY CRITICAL grocery list as snow is in the forecast and so help me God what if we don’t have milk? You do have coupons, though, go figure.
Go back to car and rummage through various and sundry daycare and school and work papers tossed on to front passenger seat.
Yell at children to not wander off in parking lot without you.
Give up on finding recipe OR grocery list.
Enter store. Call husband to e-mail you VERY CRITICAL OR WE WILL SURELY STARVE THIS WEEKEND recipe.
Tell girls they might be able to have a cookie after shopping if “they are good.” Let them split a Sprite. Carbonated sugar on empty stomachs…you are mother of the year!
Refresh. Refresh. Refresh your damn iPhone waiting for recipe to come through. Realize you’ve been at store 10 minutes and you have peanut butter, a green pepper, and an onion in your cart.
Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Damn E-MAIL!
Finally get e-mail with VERY CRITICAL chili recipe. Gather ingredients.
Get to meat department which is wiped out apparently due to forecasted snow. Discuss cuts of meat with butcher. Spend WAY too much damn time OCDing over meat. (Minds out of gutter, please.)
Glance over at children. 4-year-old is climbing out of car cart that she is too freaking old to be in any way and accidentally dumps ALL your ever loving coupons out of your nifty new coupon organizer all over the floor.
Girls sense your displeasure. Perhaps it was the way you tossed your meat. (Again, minds out of gutter, please.)
Girls gather coupons which are all over the place.
Oh, hai! See a fellow mom from school.
Suddenly very aware of the fact that you are wearing black yoga pants and a t-shirt from your afternoon workout and haven’t washed your hair in two, OK three, days.
Say hello and joke about coupons all over floor and your attempt to be organized. SO FUNNY.
Begin to flee store.
For some ungodly reason remember one more item. Head to back of store. 4-year-old insists on “helping” you and pushing behemoth car cart at a snail’s pace.
Realize it’s after 6 and you are still in grocery and you still need to pick up takeout.
Head to check out.
7-year-old declares she must go to the bathroom and it can’t wait.
4-year-old runs after her and nearly gets knocked out as someone leaves the family restroom.
Chase after 4-year-old, wait for her to use restroom and wash her hands. This takes what feels like another 10 minutes.
4-year-old realizes she has never gotten a cookie.
Inform her no cookie. It is now almost 6:30 and no one has eaten dinner including your poor sick husband who had offered to go pick something up.
4-year-old cries and lays down on PUBLIC BATHROOM FLOOR OMG.
Somehow get out of the store and in car without anyone’s head imploding.
Clearly spot recipe and grocery list on floorboard.