I am blind as a bat.

I never needed glasses as a child, but during my senior year of college I started having trouble reading from a distance in the classroom. Seventeen years later I can’t remember life before contact lenses and glasses and I have no idea what it’s like to wake up in the morning and be able to see clearly without fumbling around.

The hubby and I met for lunch yesterday at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants and I had to laugh when I walked in and saw information for a drawing for free LASIK eye surgery. Ha! Who would enter to win LASIK surgery at a restaurant?

When Miss C and I got home around 3:15 from school I got a call on my cell phone from an unknown number. Between Miss C and our neighbor’s daughter incessant chattering and our dogs barking like MOFOs, I could barely discern what the caller was saying. Something about Smoothie King, runner up, and laser surgery. Thinking this all sounded fishy, I asked her to please call back and leave a detailed voice message as it was obviously an inconvenient time. At dinner I’m relaying all this to the hubby who says, “I entered your name in a drawing for free LASIK surgery at Smoothie King the other day! Call them back!”

Today I called after finding out that this is a reputable and well-known vision center and surgeon (and one our office manager just saw a few weeks ago for her own successful LASIK surgery) and I’m going for a free consultation on the 24th. If I’m a candidate, and I don’t want to get my hopes up, I’d be eligible for the surgery at a discounted rate since my name was drawn as runner up. After checking out the center’s website, I learned that this surgeon has performed more than 45,000 LASIK procedures. Still, I’m a little nervous about having my eyeballs tinkered with.

Have any of you had LASIK surgery? How did it go? Would you recommend it? I know several people at work who have had it done and recommend it, although my boss was around my age (closing in on 40) when she had it done and she still has to wear reading glasses.

“No, the world is not blogging…the world is listening to bloggers.”

-Tina Sharkey, Chairman and Global President, BabyCenter LLC.

I think Camp Baby was an overall success from both the standpoint of the attendees and the Johnson & Johnson representatives. I was impressed with all the extra details, from GM providing transportation during the event to the bag of Neutrogena products we received upon arrival at the Heldrich, which was a fabulous place to stay. There was a feedback session Thursday and there seemed to be genuine interest in our concerns about how products are made, the ingredients that are used, and what influences our purchasing decisions. I think an overriding message from the bloggers to J&J was, “do not underestimate the influence and intelligence of moms.”

I had the chance to meet great women like Erika from Plain Jane Mom, Stacy DeBroff from Mom Central (I joked with her about being her groupie as I love her book) Amy and Susan from Working Moms Without Guilt, Christine from Dates to Diapers, Jill from Silicon Valley Moms, Kari from Karianna Spectrum, Liz from This Full House, Carmen from Mom to the Screaming Masses, Socal Mom, Susan from Friday Playdate, Dawn from Because I Said So, Jenn from Jenn’s Journal, Devra and Aviva from Parentopia, Y from Joy Unexpected, and Sarah from Sarah and the Goon Squad, just to name a few. I ate breakfast on Thursday with Colleen from Classy Mommy, Amy from The Ladybug and Her Blogging Mama, and Amy from MomAdvice.

Lori Dolginoff, Global Director of Communications, oversaw the event and got a big round of applause from all of us. Everything went smoothly, although I had a meltdown at the airport in front of Belinda (God bless her soul) Friday when a Continental agent told me my return flight had been canceled and there wasn’t an available flight for another 24 hours. Thankfully a 6 a.m. flight opened up and J&J is reimbursing me for my hotel room.

The dinner at The Frog and the Peach was awesome and I had a foodgasm over the chocolate cake. Nintendo was the official gaming sponsor and we all left with DS game systems, which I am graciously hiding for Santa. Ahem.

Sleep expert Dr. Jodi Mindell opened the sessions on Thursday and told us the keys to sleep success are sleep schedule, bedtime routine, and teaching babies to fall asleep independently (she is a proponent of the paci/binki/foofie…as mother to a former paci addict, I silently shouted hurrah at that nugget of advice.)

We also heard from germ expert Dr. Charles Gerba, a professor of environmental microbiology at the University of Arizona. Dr. Germ won me over when he quipped, “To me the only good germs are the ones that make beer, wine, and alcohol.” Luckily Johnson & Johnson makes Purell and I grabbed a few bottles at the product expo Friday since I will never see hotel TV remotes or my kitchen sink quite the same way after this presentation.

The most “interesting” afternoon session was entitled, “What’s Happening Down There?” which was led by two women urogynecologists. Most memorable quote? “Imagine this room is a vagina” or something like that. Who knew the trauma the female bladder and other female parts must endure post-childbirth! I did leave with two small light up compact mirrors for the girls, although they are imprinted with “What’s Happening Down There?” so I’m not sure I want them toting them to school. I mean do I really want to flaunt the state of my pelvic floor?

Tina Sharkey, chairman and global president of BabyCenter, LLC, which is owned by Johnson & Johnson, gave a fabulous presentation. A pioneer in new media, she was a a founder of Village, served as group president of Sesame Workshop’s Online Services, and helped rebuild AIM.

Some highlights of her session:

• Blog readers and bloggers are part of the Mom 2.0 Tribe
• 86% of U.S. moms access the Internet regularly
• 88% of moms use a broadband connection
• 70% of moms participate in online communities
• Moms and moms-to-be have on average 109 conversations in a week that are marketing relevant.

Whether you get 50 hits or 500 hits or 5,000 hits on your blog or website, you are part of an online “conversation renaissance,” Sharkey said.

Camp Baby links and resources:

• Online sleep tool for parents
• Information about cosmetic product ingredients
• InfantSEE, which provides no-cost access to an optometrist
• Kilmer House (J&J’s corporate history blog)
• J&J blog (Hanging With the Mommy Bloggers)
• J&J blog (We’ve Come a Long Way - Camp Baby)
• Belinda/Ninja Poodles’ Arkansas Times post about J&J
• Sleep Deprived No More, by Dr. Jodi Mindell, giveaway at MomAdvice

Ted Allen and Me, originally uploaded by blondemom.

I’m working on a wrap-up post about Johnson & Johnson’s Camp Baby and struggling to not make it a novella, but thought I’d throw out a little tidbit of miscellaneous celebrity trivia since my brushes with fame and fortune are so few and far between. Even though I live in Nashville, it’s not like I regularly attend wine tastings led by Emmy Award winning foodies. I once sold socks years ago to Reba McEntire, but somehow that doesn’t seem quite as glamorous.

Ted Allen, who is probably best known for transforming men one makeover at a time on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and who has a regular appearance as a judge on Top Chef, led a wine tasting during the welcoming social. He didn’t flinch at all when he walked into a room of more than 50 chatty women ready to talk wine (and pick his brain about his next TV career moves.)

Ted is a spokesperson for Robert Mondavi wines, so he was a perfect choice. He couldn’t have been more down to Earth and mingled amongst the mommy bloggers and agreeably posed for photos. After the wine tasting I was talking to one of the PR reps helping run Camp Baby and she told me he had requested a certain kind of mango for the wine tasting. Not only did he end up bringing his own mangoes, but he cut them and brought them in Tupperware after the hotel had offered to prep them. What a guy!

So, if I ever lose my day job, I just might apply to be Ted’s mango girl. It wouldn’t hurt to get free wine, either.

p.s. Speaking of local celebrities, I had lunch today with the lovely Busy Mom and Amy from Milkbreath and Margaritas.

I just finished reading Stefanie Wilder-Taylor’s wickedly hilarious new book, Naptime is the New Happy Hour: And Other Ways Toddlers Turn Yourself Upside Down, as part of a MotherTalk blog book review tour.

Although we all have obviously survived the terrible 2s reign of terror at my house, there were times I would lament to my best friend, mom, and pretty much any stranger at the grocery store that 2-year-olds can totally suck the lifeblood out of you. It also probably didn’t help that I was pregnant with Miss A during the height of Miss C’s terrible 2s. In my opinion it’s a critical phase of childhood that is nature’s way of weeding out the parenting wimps.

Stefanie’s first book was the popular Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay. She writes no-nonsense parenting insight, with a lot of humor, like the best girlfriend who will sit down and tell you straight up how tough parenting can be.

If you’re stickler for hard-core parenting advice philosophies, this book is probably not for you. Save those information quests for the frantic midnight Google searches (key words: toddler, insanity, mom, Exorcist, help) and your pediatrician. If you can appreciate a good laugh, laid back parenting, and someone who can joke about their child possibly being the spawn of Satan during a toddler meltdown, then this book is for you. I’d share it with a best girlfriend who’s about to have her fourth child, your co-worker who jokes about escaping to the office to get a little mini sabbatical, free coffee included, from her kids, and any mom who wants to take hard core parenting advice with a grain of salt, preferably margarita salt.

This is a fun fast read similar and is a nice balance to all of the uber parenting advice on the market that can be overwhelming. Let’s face it, sometimes all you need is a pack of dollar stickers and a trip to Target to make your kid, and you, happy.

Because I think all moms deserve a good laugh, and a glass of wine, I’m giving away a copy of Naptime is The New Happy Hour. Simply leave a comment on this post by midnight Friday, April 11 and I’ll draw a random winner from all qualifying entries (U.S. and Canadian addresses only.)

p.s. Stefanie Wilder-Taylor lives in California with her husband and three little girls and blogs at Baby On Bored.

I don’t want anyone to trashing the place while I’m here at Camp Baby so I’m leaving you with an assignment to keep you occupied. And why, oh why do I immediately I start singing “Treasure, Treasure, Buried Treasure” by the Backyardigans as I type this? Because as much as I thought we’d be the PBS puritanical TV family since hubby and I were raised on Oscar the Grouch and Mr. Rogers, we qualify more as the poster family for Nick Jr. Now that the girls have seen that Kids’ Choice Awards commercial featuring comedian Jack Black and the remix of AC/DC’s Back in Black, they’re never going to believe me when I tell them that’s not quite how that song goes.

Sarah at The Organized Mom came up a creative contest idea…the first ever collaborative blog treasure hunt, sponsored by Little Piddles, Mom4Life, and Island Baby Boutique.

Visit the site for more details and a full list of participating blogs. The contest runs until May 2, so be sure to check it out.

Now if you get really antsy while I’m gone, there is always dirty laundry.

p.s. My life is now complete as I had my photo taken with Ted Allen last night!

I’m headed to New Jersey tomorrow for Camp Baby, Johnson & Johnson’s all expense paid retreat for blogging moms and moms with baby/child/momcentric websites, however you want to slice this piece of the Internet pie. We are moms. We are wired. Hear us type!

This is my first big blog event as I couldn’t quite justify the bucks required for BlogHer after last year’s budget killing surprises, and not the fun type of surprise like finding an unopened bottle of Corona in the back of the fridge, but more like the gross surprise like finding an abandoned sippy cup, contents unknown but guaranteed to eat through metal, in the back of your car. For starters, there was the refrigerator that died while we were hundreds of miles away in Florida at my dad’s condo, the microwave that bit the dust, and my breast MRI, lumpectomy, and other medical expenses.

I’m really looking forward to meeting some fantastic bloggers from around the country and Joisey and Canada (yo Jen and Tonic) and seeing my blog buddy and fellow DivineCaroline advisor Amy from MomAdvice again, taking part in a wine tasting led by Ted Allen, being treated to dinner sans chicken fingers and chocolate milk, and taking a tour of Johnson & Johnson’s facilities, and I don’t mean their toilets, although I am sure they are lovely. I’m going to miss my girls and hubby, but I could use a little retreat (what mother couldn’t?) and they will be in school and daycare during the day and the hubby is taking them out for pizza Thursday to their favorite air hockey joint and to get jazzed up on Sprite.

I’m scheduled to post a review while I’m gone as part of Mother Talk’s blog book tour of the hilarious new book by Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, “Naptime is the New Happy Hour.” It is funny, funny stuff people. If you are a fan of the Girlfriends’ Guide books by Vicki Iovine or Jenny McCarthy’s pregnancy book, you will love this book! Seriously, I’m sure Stefanie is the only person on Earth to reference the 1972 film Deliverance in a parenting book and ponder whether or not Captain Feathersword of Wiggles fame is a retired porn star. I’m giving a copy of the book away, so stay tuned!

Now back to this camp business. I’m hoping to at least bring home samples or coupons for Johnson & Johnson’s new tangle free hair product line, because have you seen Miss A’s hair? If you’re missing an ink pen or maybe a half a sandwich from lunch it might just be stashed in there.

If you’re attending, click the blog button on my sidebar designed by The Ladybug and Her Blogging Mama or visit the forum at NaBloPoMo.