I'm just another working mom seeking a few moments of Zen and zinfandel between soccer practice and supper. My former beach bartender husband founded 
Don’t let the sweet smocking fool you!
Potty training by 3 was apparently divine intervention—God’s way of preventing me from going ballistic when Miss A started demonstrating behavior of a most sassy like nature. We seemed to bypass the Terrible Twos with Miss A, but she’s now making up for that. While I fully encourage to be an overachiever, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.
For some insane reason, I thought it would be fun to have a girls’ morning at church Sunday and sit together, rather than send them to the kids’ program far, far away in another section of the church while I listened intently to the sermon zoned out and rested my weary brain under the guise of church. The hubby stayed home sick with a bad sinus infection was smart enough to stay home with the dogs.
I knew it was probably not ideal to let Miss C talk me into sitting on the 8th row at church, even though we sat at the end of the row. Oh foolish mommy! Our church is a fairly large rock star Jesus type assembly, so I was wishfully thinking that the girls would sing and clap and then sit peacefully through the sermon as I’d packed enough distractions for an entire bus load of children. Besides, I had secured the most awesome of bribes—girly booty of magnaminous proportions—Barbie fruit snacks (before the Botox edition.)
Unfortunately about 40 minutes into the service Miss C snatched Miss A’s pastel green sunglasses from the goody bag I’d packed and put them on, while Miss A declared “Those are MINE! Take them off!” and proceeded to play tug of war with the glasses while they were still on Miss C’s head. I threatened Miss A in my loudest screaming “you are so going to get it” mommy whisper. We had made it this far without incident, but I was starting to sweat bullets freak the hell out as the preacher closed the sermon. Could we make it? The proverbial last straw was when Miss A laid down in her seat backwards and stuck her feet up in the air. Suddenly I morphed into that token mother. The one practically dragging her child kicking through church and to the parking lot and threatening to spank her while people either smiled in empathy or looked on like I was the worse mother on the planet and they were about to speed dial Super Nanny. The real clincher was the fact that the pastor’s message was on the treasures of parenting. No, I am not kidding.
And on the 8th day? God created children’s church, and it was good and all the frazzled parents shouted “Amen!” and didn’t long for a drink at high noon on Sunday in a county that doesn’t even sell beer until that time.
Yes in deedy, I’ll raise up a hallelujah for chiren’s church. Unfortunately, our church has recently put an age limit of 2nd grade on chiren’s church, so now Kaylea has to go to the sanctuary with us. She has been whining and complaining about it and declares she hates that boring stuff. Somehow I think she is missing the message. How ‘bout you?
Jennilu’s last blog post..Can You Say, Stir Crazy?
LOL that pic is adorable!
I love that the sermon was on the treasures of parenting! HA!
Sounds like you handled it well.
Beth_C’s last blog post..Play more. Dust Less.
Oh yeah. We are all about Children’s Church.
The treasures of parenting – HA!
Don Mills Diva’s last blog post..Lovers, haters, cretins and zombified pimps
Don
Heh, we’re both blogging and using “hellish” words to describe our children…must be in the air ;o)
Liz’s last blog post..Love Thursday: Quieting the Demon Child Within
Hee hee.
Hugs,
Holly
Hee Hee
Amy’s last blog post..Amy’s Secret
Liz:
I picked up on that!
Ha!
You are so good to go to church. We’ve missed quite a bit, because well, that would be a weekly thing and I just couldn’t take it.
Mrs. Schmitty’s last blog post..I’m Starting To Feel Like Charlie Brown
I should stress that it is my goal for us to go regularly. As in maybe every three weeks.
So there you have it.
We don’t even have children’s church, I’m SO JEALOUS.
Jennifer’s last blog post..Getting Through to Those Who Are Social Niceties Impaired
haha. Thanks for the laugh! My mom would threaten to pull down my pants and spank me in front of everyone. Used to scare the crap outta me!
Danielle’s last blog post..Stupid News and A Giveaway
lol. I’ve often thought of bringing SM into the mass with me… this just reminded me why I haven’t. Thanks!lol..
Shannanb aka Mommy Bits’s last blog post..More Giveaways
Oh, and at church! Yikes
And what timing w/ the sermon.
J just screeches in church. He’s only 8 months old, so for now, we are forgiven. For now . . .
LaskiGal’s last blog post..Top Momma and AWARDS!
my daughter skipped the terrible two’s, but believe me, the threes have been a hell storm so far. She is so sassy sometimes.
Amanda (Shamelessly Sassy)’s last blog post..Koumpounophobia:Fear of Buttons
Praise the Lord and pass the apple juice! Children’s Worship is the best invention since drive-thru Starbucks!
Malia’s last blog post..Prom Part Three
Oh..that post was awesome, how many of us have been there. My son melted during Easter Mass and tried to crawl into the baptismal fountain, it is as big as a hot tub, not sure why.
Love the idea of Children’s Church….
Kristin’s last blog post..Pregnancy..what the heck????
This sounds so silly, but church is like a “date” for my husband & I because we can drop the kids off. At first I felt guilty, but now I feel just fine with it all. After your story, I am even more fine
Yes, leave all the kids at Children’s church (Sunday School). I can just imagine the “bullet sweats” you were having while this was happening – LOL (oppsss…sorry for laughing – funny now, but not funny then
Liza’s Eyeview’s last blog post..Did Someone Say Mosquito Net?
I so remember torturing my parents every Sunday at Church. What were they thinking bringing us…Oh yeah, that was before they started doing kiddo programs:)
nap warden’s last blog post..LOST, Grey’s, and a Bad Day.
hahahah!
my three year old monkey, er, son, was playing happily with me in last weeks greek church playroom/broom closet, when my mother in law threw open the door and demanded, in front of all the other wide eyed parents in there, that i hand him over so she could take him up for communion.
so, yeah, that went well. amazing acoustics in that cavernous, packed place of worship. i could hear him screaming from the front doors where i retreated to hide behind a saint. not sure which saint he was, but i’m guessing he was the saint of please don’t let me take the old woman down in front of witnesses.
love your site, i’ll be back
I know exactly how you feel. My girls love to act up whenever they aren’t suppossd to…lol!
Jennifer’s last blog post..Earth Day Giveaway
This was very true and very funny. Would it be wrong to admit that we worship at home most weekends for this very reason. Church with three small boys seems much more like a warm place in the afterlife…
HRH’s last blog post..A few steps behind…
[...] I wrote about learning to love my nose. I had a glimpse of Miss C as a teenager and barely survived taking the girls to church by myself. My car died and Miss A locked herself in a car dealership owner’s office. Miss C’s [...]
[...] I wrote about learning to love my nose. I had a glimpse of Miss C as a teenager and barely survived taking the girls to church by myself. My car died and Miss A locked herself in a car dealership owner’s office. Miss C’s [...]
[...] I decided to venture into trepidatious Sunday morning waters: church solo with the girls. The last time I took the girls to church by myself was last year. I foolishly chose seats on the main floor, rather than the balcony with all the other parents with young kids skipping kids church, and I ended up carrying Miss A out before the service was over and superimposing devil horns on her picture. [...]